Oil, water, vinegar, gasoline… it takes all kinds to make one group of relatives. Go with it.
Lynyrd Skynyrd gets honky tonk American rock with the aw shucks celebration “Skynyrd Family.” They’re one short of an eight track.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Saturday Night Live had a running ‘Dysfunctional Family’ routine, including the commercial for the “Dysfunctional Family Christmas Album.” Pop psychology parodies.
Todd Yohn goes gay musical with “Dysfunctional Family Christmas.” Curious, but a bit ordinary for a colorful family collective.
Vancougar gets melodically mellifluous with their “Dysfunctional Family Christmas.” It’s a heartwarming celebration of what Xmas really means.
Troubles are part of the packaging when it comes to Christmasfamilytime.
“Black Dog Family” are better off without ’em. The old ones, anyway. Now, the new family (the little black dogs) are all Three Ninjas need. Awfully fun folk alt with commentary. BLUE ALERT–we hate ’em so much.
The announcement for the Xmas break-up is traditionally quiet, with a slammed door for punctuation.
Way underplayed is the jazzy scat from Goldentusk. “I’m Breaking up with You for Christmas” calmly takes us through the presents, surprises, and exit. Almost missed it–
Matt Roach also strums matter-of-factly through the split. “Paralyzed” is the reaction to your rapidly vanishing backside, on Christmas day. But, this fine folk tale is not done. His emotional freezing will be matched with a physical similarity. Listen to find out why.
Before Braille more prettily drops the bombshell with graphic explanations. Alt crooning makes it worse.
Taking a break from strict Christian-capitalist mythos, snow became the padding for many Xmas albums. What YOU celebrating if not the miracle of visible precip?
It can’t be Xmas until that first snowfall, yea? If there’s no “Snowflakes for Christmas” the Crystalairs will doowop you a dire scene.
‘Course snow can be the metaphor you dance to, vis-à-vis “Snow Machine” from Sharon Needles. Classy techno dance pop.
More dance dance dance from Holidelic with “Snowglobe,” a threat, treat, and tease all-in-one. Funky rock.
Poppy alt from Emmy the Great and Time Wheeler equates “Snowflakes” with the early traces of love. For good and bad.
Potterphiles love it when “It’s Snowing,” according to the dramatic pop of Catchlove. Yeah, okay, i dunno which Rowling chapter this references.
“No Snow (Just Rain Dear)” is rock with just a fingerful of pop from Dr. BLT, teaching us that holiday weather matters less than puns.
Dr. BLT next reveals “It’s Snowing in My Heart” since he lost you. Lite country rock that doesn’t want the snow so much
That inconvenience of “Snowed In on Christmas” piles the pop onto the folk of The New Anxiety. Perky misery.
Got carried away with overindulgences here. So let’s combo!
There may still be chalkboard screeching like kwixotica’s “Have Yourself a Freshly Filled up Beer Glass,” but fortunately Jaymz Bee & The Royal Jelly Orchestra disco lounges you to raise a glass of love (his “Christmas Cocktail”) around the world. Smooth.
And, thanks be, Songs to Wear Pants To will shaggy doo wop out “Mimosa Christmas” to delight young and old.
That may excuse Jake Owen (ft. Parmalee) getting country funk with their lame jokey objectification and childishness due to “Christmas Spirits.” Tight pop, sloppy humanity.
The Dwarves turn the corner with hard-driving punk and “Drinking Up Christmas.” Fight’s coming!
From the other side hales Entenzahn playing ‘What Do Ye Do with a Drunken Sailor?’ instead offering up a “Drunken Santa.” Weird.
Thank Goodness for the slango jargonistic special code in songs so that Steven Courtney’s “Flat Zonked Jack” jazz rock can be enjoyed without being dissected as a drug fueled rant.
Or Holidelic, who flat out say drinking is catching up at the end of the year. “Down the Hatch” is funky, friendly, fondly filling up and filling in. (Xmas makes a brief appearance at the end.) Cheers.
Devastating Just Cause are just the boys to BLUE ALERT rap out “Drunk for the Holidays.” It’s their miserably angry jam.
Let’s peace out with the cautionary gentle folk of “Merry Weary” in which Ages is so tired about drugs.
The other lowly example of drug use for Xmas is the parody party from Slant 6 and the Jumpstarts with the Dylan chucklefest “Santa Claus Must be Stoned.” I need a little something to find this funny.
Flip the script, it’s girls’ night at the novelty Christmas music chorale. Now, we’re woke enuf to know most of the songs about women are about men’s fantasies and are at times insulting, and at others criminal. But we’re here to shit all over everything any way…
Instructive male psyche goes into the little boy who wishes to Santa for a “Vagina for Christmas.” He’ll take care of it just like it were a hippopotamus.
Supposedly uncomfortable boardmen are mind altered by Andy Smushkin’s folk soft rock video “Christmas Cunnilingus.” It’s National Lampoon approved. Killer psychedelic guitar solo.
While whooping it up, being true to our school, we might at times take other names in vain.
Certainly South Park is known for this xenophobic excoriation with Mr. Garrison’s “Merry Fucking Christmas,” a show stopping number you can holler to be racist, or be ironic about racists. Seen this already.
Justin Cooper playfully paeans the American way with “A Fuck You Christmas Song.” Tooting and tootling, we face alcoholism, patriotism, and apathetic despair. Love Xmas or eat shit and die.
But finally, a song that celebrates the 1% (with tongue in ass-cheek) for the holidays. Meanspiritedness trickles down, motherspender! Brad Sucks and John Benjamin present “Fuck You, Motherfucker (It’s Christmas)” as a quarterly economic lesson for the rest of us. Coffeehouse pop folk. Have fun with this one.
What’samatter, Johnny? Did she forget to love you through the holidays? Do you project your insecurity onto Christmas, hating all the month-long? Join me in song, you sad fool.
Angry Johnny and The Killbillies trombone up the joint with their redneck folk “On Christmas This Year.” He’s not just lonely and drinking, he’s loading up the shotgun and not knowing what he’s doing.
So much more upbeat, White Town pop rocks “Why I Hate Christmas” with a sad sack tale about the married women that got away. Duh-ewd
Slowin’ it down even more, Chris Stalcup & the Grange gets honky tonk country, calling out “I Hate Christmas” ‘cuz you left me (and lost my dog). He’s been crying into his beer so long he encores his song 2/3 of the way through.
Celtic folk punk rock from Lenny Lashley’s Gang of One chant up “Anti-Christmas.” Divorce!? Isn’t it the Jesus of the season to forgive? Or maybe cancel the whole thing….
Begging with his weeping guitar, Jay Brannon lets you know “Christmas Really Sucks” since you left.
Down to a single uke, Zeld Starfire sounds nearly cheerful blaming “I Hate Christmas” on how you left her (did you die?). Tap that toe into intolerance.
