WHAT ELSE? Yule B Mother

There’s something about Midwinter that leads to cavorting. Is it the home stretch to planting and food? Is it the astronomical alignment of Earth’s pole tipped furthest? Is it just another excuse to waggle the bum?

Not having received The Word, pagans did fine at concocting their own festivals and fun. Alban Arthan, Dongzhi, Korochun, Shalako, Ziemassvētki, and more conjured up cuddly traditions and endearing salutations for the ages. Disappointingly i’m gonna use my English lit major to stay Western Civ and not stray too far from the Europeans. But they did Paganism pretty well, you betcha.

One difference between Yule observance and Xmas is Mōdraniht, the honoring of da mama, without whose blessings (bearing our borning), we wouldn’t be here.

Pissed off Russian metal from Gartraada, “A Night of Winter Solstice” salutes the Queen of Seasons. I presume as a fellow killer.

The Goddess of Pleasure and Delight is the old timey subject of James Mosher’s “Winter Solstice Song.” I’ll drink to that.

Sacred Mother gets a more middle of the road Celtic tribute from Jan Garrett and JD Martin with the dulling “Winter Solstice Lullaby.” Yawn.

Yala Lati, a women’s global music choir, rounds up the “Winter Solstice Round” with much gravity for the grandmother.

More tribally, Leah Salomaa chants up the womb metaphor in “Solstice Song.” Primal stuff.

Wyrd Sisters blend their voices speaking tune to power with “Solstice Carole.” Lullaby and happy new year. Pretty stuff.

WHAT ELSE? Is It Racist?

Can we make fun of ethnic differences from a comfortable chair and NOT be mean-spirited? Is it fair to mock all but those we bear a burden of guilt from? What?

All i know is, please approach these wacky novelty holiday songs with care.

We’ve already considered “The Kwanzaa Song” from Futurama. Antic!

D.L. Hughley hires a white jewish guy to write the epitome of the Kwanzaa carol.Jeff Marx’s “White Kwanzaa” is a showtune of uncertainty, backpedaling, and a shared wink.

Gone in a wink is Sizone’s tecnho-garbledygoo “Kwanzaa is Here.” The message is medium warm.

Sam & Bill’s live “Kwanzaa Song” is the usual floundering of white guys with an uncomfortable topic. Attention deficit theater folk.

Barnes & Barnes apply more white sentiment onto “Kwanzaa’s Here Again.” This trembling hawaiian folk is awkward and light-hearted, not in that order.

WHAT ELSE? Two, Too

This mishmash of holiday observances might be blamed on The O.C. yes that old TV series from the early ’00s which popularized Chrismukkah as some compromise between the (white) winners and (other) losers.

Michael Taub’s “Chrismukkah Song” is adorable klezmer pop and calling on all partiers.

More homegrown jpv91’s “Chrismukkah Song” lays down the beat to the four winds. Strong song. Let your folk flag fly!

Watch For Rocks ft. Ted Organ from Darkness Dear Boy moves more seamlessly (less seamily??) from one side to the other with “The Chrismukkah Song.” Folk pop of the upbeat persuasion. (The mashups are a bit much, bit still…) St. Nikki & The Driedels do this way more mindlessly pop (without the mashups).

WHAT ELSE? Three’s a Crowd

Just enough fun songs to continue to mock the holy trinity of cultural clash around the shortest day of the year.

The Worst Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa Song Ever Written or Sung” by Tony Caravan is word jazz of slight merit. Techno meh.

Virgin Mobile ran a series of song ads about “Chrismahanukwanzakah” with a peppy pop ensemble that somehow came off as reverent. The nerve!

Master crassman Heywood Banks calls on the capitalists’ gods with “It’s a Ramadan-Hannakah-Christmas-Kwanza-Pagan-Solstice Time.” It’s fast folk and Bob and Tom rated.

Matt Roach folk stomps out “Merry Christmahanukwanzaa” with tongue in sneering cheek. Whoa. Now you know.

It’s All Relative, that’s just awful

What better way to conjure how awkward family time is for X’s Bday than to sing terribly. Verisimilitude evokes.

Franker217 (no names please) tries his best with his own “A Family Christmas Song.” I’ll never be as brave as he, but surely i’ll be missing notes that well. Middle of the road lounge.

Veghalen (don’t unmask!) cobbles out some rock/blues with their “Family Christmas Song.” I guess they like Xmas?!

Naming names (with record contracts) Collier Bloom Band is more about the aural landscape than the song. So “Christmas with Family” is warbling and tympanic and jazz all over the place. Swing and a miss.

Anne Marie Pincivero keeps it simple with “Christmas is Family,” a guitar dirge of presents, and cheer, and mumbling.

It’s All Relative, Santa & Son

Is Santa the dad to beat all? Aren’t we all his family?

John Goodman sings about how everybody is somebody in “Santa’s Family.” It’s a showtune from ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, The Movie.’ Slow jazzy ragtime, but still treacly kidpop.

We all wish it, don’t we? “Wouldn’t It be Fun to be Santa Claus’s Son?” revisits our site now by Joanie Bartels. Kidsong cliche.

Maybe he really has his own kid. “Willie Claus, Little Son of Santa Claus” gets a cover by Jaye D. Marie to explain why kids are more trouble than they’re worth. Kid country on speed.

The “Son Of St. Nick” might turn out okay in the end. Swoony folk from Kelly Nolf & Wyndi Harp rocks out the possibility. Wotta hunk.

Santa’s daughter, on the other hand, is a handful. Soca from RemBunction tells the story of “Samantha Claus (I’m a Big Boy).” She brings out the little boy in the big boy with her presence.

I mean, does Santa even procreate? In “New Elf in the Family” Three Day Threshold and Aedan Byrnes revival folk rock out how Mr. and Mrs. Claus make more slaves. Blessed event, or bottom line?

It’s All Relative, oh… THEM

Not every family is YOUR family, especially not for Christmas. Some are iconic, others illustrative.

Most of these songs are amateur offerings to be kept behind family trees. “The Royalty Family X-mas” from The Royalty Family channel is just begging for attention with his slurring, her cleavage, and the little one’s ‘tude. Ragged rap.

The Sentimental Favorites detail the musses and fusses of the “Roelle Family Christmas.” Actually, i may have gotten onion rings on the way home from family gatherings my own self. Pop folk wackadoo.

It’s All Relative, from afar

Nothing measures love like the cost of a plane ticket. Will you travel ALL the way over the river AND through the woods to get to the Christmas jubilee at PeePaw’s and MeeMaw’s? Well, then you win Best Child, ya ol’ prodigal, you.

Some of those out-of-towners ain’t so welcome, y’see. Duck Logic Comedy counsel you with folksy patience in “An Extended Family Christmas.” Who are all these weirdos?

Just as twisted, the elderly reunion of Olivia Newton John and John Travolta for Christmas in the country pop “I Think You Might Like It” is as authentic as her lips and his orientation. Ooky.

Soul directs Ron Tyson to appreciate the whole pack when he croons “I’m Gonna be with My Family for Christmas.” Finger popping and doo-doo-dooing ensues. (And tears.)

Modern folk gospel sets the scene for Vincent Knight’s “Family Christmas.” This honest prayer of returning home is sad, sweet, and solemn.

It’s All Relative, faux fam

Can you fake a family? ‘Course you can! ‘Tis the season to fool Pee and Em about your marital status.

Is this really a problem?! Please re-listen to Sara Baker’s “(I Hate) Every single Christmas,” a showtune about nosy relates who wanta know about your lovelife, martial status, childbearing possibilities…. Eeek.

Team Natu has a folksy upbeat number in “Christmas Man.” I’m not sure if this guy’s a Craigslist ad, but you get the idea. Funny stuff.

It’s All Relative, too much!

New boyfriend? Bring ‘im! In-laws? C’mover! Blended fam? Uh-what! We’re running out of room around the holidays in our cozy house! Chaos!!

The happy-party-lovefest version of this sounds like Peter Andre with horns and uke and jazz and “Christmas Time’s for Family.” Can’t stop smiling!

Ross Bagdasarian (aka David Seville of Chipmunks fame) returns with “Let’s Have a Merry Merry Christmas” about the car crash of family get-togethers. 1953 big band pop hijinks.

In-laws are a popular bitch for Christmas. The Christmas Pranksters check the parody box with “My In-Laws are Coming to Town,” which i guess smells worse than Santa Claus doing that.

Celtic wonder from Mark Cummings also worried about “Inlaws Coming to
Town.” Now it’s philosophical questions rather than rando rants. Thoughtful crying.