On Track to Xmas: Why to the North Pole, of Course!

Does Santa use a train? Honey, Santa uses it all! That train makes the most commotion with its locomotion, though, so give it some heed.

Ginger St. James sets the mood with her stentorian country: announcing (and whoo whoo-ing) more than singing “Christmas Train.” What a toot!

Ben Browning strains soft rock through a boy band screen to deliver “Christmas Train” into your elevator music queue.

Tom Hanks (and some kids) chortle out “The Polar Express” as a showtune to introduce the uncanny valley of the 2004 movie. Brrr.

Jake Hadrick takes this conceit and murderlizes it with the excessively filtered pop of “Pole Express.” Jump! Escape! Hurry!