X Files-mas: Bigfoot

Bigfoot is the official cryptizoid mascot of the Pacific Northwest, the new bumper sticker craze. Ol’ Sasquatch is a symbol of lost wilderness and banished aboriginals, but we all pretend to root for him anyway around here. Merry Cold Times, Dude.

“Bigfoot Noel” from Streaking in Tongues is spoken poetry to set our sober yet melodic mood. Pretentiously pretty.

“Sasquatch is Coming to Town” is NOT a parody, but a Minnesotan country rocker from Bo Allen. This snowmobiling sack-carrying wookie is actually what brings the toys to good girls and boys. Believe. (But not in the last two minutes of credits and outtakes.)

Uncle Jess and The Rippers completely rock out the animals’ Christmas party somewhere in the woods made awesome by the dancer of the hour and his “Bigfoot’s Christmas Shoes.” Go, Bigfoot, go, go, go.

Just like the difference between typhoons and hurricanes, we own our giant hairy apeman identity here in the Western Hemisphere. But “Bigfoot and Christmas” seems set in The Alps (Yeti??). But, it’s about true love–so an honorary spot for Mark Perko’s folk trudge of a story. Caution: yodeling attempts.

Poor misunderstood shy guy! Cornpone novelty country from Jack Franzen tells how everyone suddenly understood this monster and so “Bigfoot Rides with Santa.” Problems with Act 3….

Cat Named Norris attempts rap in “Christmas with Bigfoot.” Big dance number. Nothing else to recommend it.

Ben & Tucker have solved the problem of sucky Christmasses; Bigfoot ruined ’em. “Bigfoot Why?” they holler in unplugged rocking fashion. The rest is silence.

X Files-mas: Aliens [part T]

Sham Gabr ‘s problem is that Christmas with the family is “Christmas with Aliens.” Metaphorical indie that stretches the premise, but all aliens are welcome here.

Even more metaphorical. The Winter Failure’s marvelous little album P.S. It’s Christmas features an alien (Far-naz) who strikes up a friendship with an Earthling who happens to have a bear name (Grizzly). In their indie “The Brightest Star” the bear-man misses his old friend now so far away. Touching.

Back to robots and spaceships! Matthew Ebel has a cute talky musical: The High Orbit Holiday Special, in which the protagonist is involved in a toys heist in space and spends time in jail. “Merry Christmas from Cell Block 2” celebrates hard time with aliens. Peppy pop.

Martians try to ease Count the Clock’s “Christmas in Space.” Soft soothing pop about the strange colors of eggnog and Santa’s beard for the Martian Xmas.

Melodicka Brothers penned a song by committee about Satan and then Santa explaining Christmas to an alien. It’s “The Best Christmas Song Ever (About an Alien).” I guess ‘cuz the alien catches the Christmas spirit and so doesn’t kill us all. Metal rock.

X Files-mas: Aliens [part E]

Christmas is based on mythology, whether you follow X-ianity or capitalism–it’s all faith based. Ya gotta believe. like Bigfoot hunters do. Like experiencers do. So let’s chew on some sunflower seeds and follow the were-rabbits down their hole (whilst of course overlooking the ordinary flying reindeer, singing snowmen, and furry green Christmas-stealers).

Boy howdy have we already considered aliens on the blog. From plain old sci-fi (with Dr. Who specialization) to Santa (whether his own self, or as a nemesis to).

Like with Jell-o there’s always room for more (or at least there are antacids for after the glut). So let’s peep in on “Violent Vincent is Coming to Town,” a parody about a truly cute and grisly ET with a gun from Xploshi.

Abducted, Jessica Delfino endures “Christmas in Space.” Pop near-rap with falsetto about anal probes. Painful, but even aliens celebrate.

Literally Newt seem stuck in a rut when they electronically celebrate an “Alien Christmas” with aliens. Seems those things have their own observation. Who died for their sins?

“We Wish You and Alien Christmas” is the synthed parody from RalphWiggy. Careful what you wish for.

The alien POV pops out from Old 97’s with “I Don’t Know What Christmas Is (But Christmastime Is Here)” from 2022’s ‘The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special.’ Cool retro rock pop. Earthlings are so weird.

Also judgy are the aliens in The Dusty Meadows Band’s “Christmas in Outerspace.” Electronic pop that warns of reindeer poop in space.

Tyler Del Pino & Rusty Robot want to spend “Christmas with Aliens” ‘cuz they don’t know what is. Apparently these rockers don’t appreciate our traditions of spend spend and spend. They want a new party.

Yo Ho Ho Ho-Crossed Cannons album

The Crossed Cannons seem like a coupl’a talented guys. Their guitar, tambourine, drum and knee slapping creates just the right rum-soaked venue for their old-timey carol parodies. “Red Sky at Night” makes violent light of ‘Silent Night.’ But “Eggnog in a Jar” is way old world folk. Not sure of it’s source. “Roll Santa’s Sleigh Along” is pure shanty. Fun for the whole family, with less pirate rage. “I’m Stuck in the Chimney” is sing-along cute. There’re a couple near-misses, but overall, A Pirate Christmas Story is a great addition to your pirate Christmas music collection. There is also a video of their show with amusing patter.

Yo Ho Ho Ho-Me Hearties

Daddy issues in Sniff’n’The Tears’s “Man in a Million.” This folk rock insight to the deadbeat dad offers for his triumphal return a question: Will he be home by Christmas With gifts of pirate gold…?

“Blackbeard vs Santa Claus” from Gridline Rap Battles pits a covetous historical figure against a braggadocio. Little effort to decide Santa wins over pirates.

Yo Ho Ho Ho-Hang the Jib

Alice vs. Everything may have cuckolded Mr. Gifts in the jaunty garage rock of “A Pirate’s Wife for Me.” I think there’s just pirating (of wives) here, no sea bandits. Pirate can mean so many things.

Lost in space, The Sailing’s protagonist is Singing to the sky A feeble pirate’s cry, ‘Bring me love on Christmas.’ “Stranded Here (On Christmas)” is a soaring prayer to the galaxy/heavens in fine indie fashion. Pirate adjacent indie.

Yo Ho Ho Ho-Old Salts (& Young)

Making with the kid assembly song, Maynard Music brings us a kids’ choir proclaiming “A Pirate Christmas.” Band music, but short.

Pirates love Christmas, according to Tiny Tots. Yet, Santa seems ignorant of delivering gifts at sea. He’s got a prejudice that these freebooters were bad. But what about their children?? Who’s the villain now?! For an answer, try “Pirates Christmas Day,” a folk/easy listening tale as old as the briny deep.

Yo Ho Ho Ho- Pirate Party The Band album BLUE ALERT

Demographics like standard deviations, but the reality is weirdos consume as well. So there’s gotta be a market for basement dwelling pals who grapple with talent to be funny. Probably they crack each other up with their naughtiness and iconoclasm, but Pirate Party the Band is just bloody awful. Their parody album Xmas Marks the Spot plays with traditional carols in a piratical way. Sexiness is of the porn kind, minimalist. Wit is of the sophomoric kind, swear words. Seems largely improvised. The only track i Might recommend–out of Dadaist sentimentality–would be “Ninja Fisherman’s Christmas Bash.” Rambling lyrics and story (I don’t have a fuckin’ idea what I’m singin’ about) about times of olde. ‘Slike i always say: too many drugs (or not enough).

Yo Ho Ho Ho-Sea Legs

When Santa’s sleigh is ground by the TSA, “Pirate Santa Karl” steps in. Fugli warbles the folk into this shanty. ‘Tis a fine tale, i tells ye.


Captain Blog and Salty end their pirate-themed club show with a ‘Night Before’ lead in to “Santa Walked the Plank.” See, the pirates didn’t like that whole naughty label… Indie pop with a great backbeat.

Yo Ho Ho Ho-All Hands on Deck

Randall Standridge Music Products has a nice mashup of carousing pirate music and traditional carol instrumentals, “Santa the Barbarian and the Pirates of the North Pole.” This school band recital music is fun and melodic. A real time waster. Y’know, like classical music is s’posed to be.

The Boarding Party makes with the jug band to orchestrate their “Christmas for a Buccaneer.” It’s a tough row to hoe, but ho ho ho it all they’re game.