Category: world music

Manger Management: Mixed Mammal Bag

We’ll get to the puppies, kitties, and cows in a bit. Let’s lump together the odds and ends of furry critters here.

Although the Red Cross loves ’em, i find Christmas seals daunting–they could drown ya or freeze ya. But Liz Anderson, The Fairy Grandmother, walks you through their features (strengths and shortcomings) in “Christopher the Christmas Seal“–even their flappers!

Honey Jean Bunch retros up the ante with “Whitey the Christmas Seal.” Tippetty tappety flippety flappety… try not to get all childlike with this drugged out tune.

Kristen Burkholder giggles through “Bunny Christmas Song” at some down home talent show. We all we wish we had close warm home holidays like we imagine rabbit families having.

If you’re not clear how cool the bunnies are then listen how “Rabbits Have a Christmas” by Linn Sheldon (a b-side from 1958… missed it before).

Based on the Teri Sloat children’s book Suzy Arnowitz again nails it with “Hark the Aarvark Angels Sing” –apparently to make sure your Christmas card is delivered on time. ‘Cause they alphabetize so well, you know, being first in the dictionary, and like that.

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Another late addition! Bah & The Humbugs have crafted a crawling, scratching rocker: “Here Comes Skunky Claws.” Smell that stocking!

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The Presidents of the United States of America have a fun alt rock time introducing us to “Christmas Piglet.” Who’s a cute swine?

What’s that crawling out of the canal! Benny Grunch & the Bunch get a little Zydeco with a new holiday mascot suggestion: “Norris the Nocturnal Nutria.” Cool… and eww.

Manger Management: Simpler (2)

Also Mollusca are slugs and snails (but not little boy parts).

Their inclusion in holiday humorous hymns is hit and miss.

Snaildartha is an experimental jazz album playing under the spoken word jazz of (The Story of Jerry the Christmas Snail). If that’s your thing, go with Thelonius. Or you could start with “A Snail is Born.” It’s different. Not exactly novelty Christmas music.

More outre are The Snails, post modern rockers from Baltimore with band mate names like Snailpril and Snailliam. Their “Snails Christmas (I Want a New Shell)” is just what you want to hear before you go clubbing.

Folk On is a comedy folk trio from Little Dribblepatch. Gloucester. Reminiscent of The Irish Rovers and The Kingston Trio, they know how to set a mood and tell a story. Listen to the saga of poor little “Ernie, the Christmas Slug” as he moves out of the regular rotation as ‘the Little Pet Slug’ and becomes the saviour of the working class.

Manger Management: bugs (3)

I’m sure i don’t have to tell you how awful it is to incorporate bugs into the body of Christ-mas music. Eww.

So let’s get nasty.

Worst of all doesn’t seem to have actual arthropoda. Kirby Krackel nerd rock comic songsters extrodinaire have a precious holiday single “I’m Stuck in a Human Centipede for Christmas” which is what the song is about. If you are intrigued at all, check these guys out. This is poor-taste awesome.

Old Hands’ “Doug the Christmas Bedbug” instructs as well as horrifies. View the youtube slide show at your peril. Something Native American about the whole musical theme that makes me wonder.

Wane Fawesome marries Cheech and Family Guy to get an insect-invasion STD Christmas song full of Jingle Bells jollity with hardly the need for a Blue Alert. “Itchy Balls.” It’s catchy.

At a Naturist Convention, Helene Williams & Leonard Lehrman sing an updated “A Cockroach Christmas” with material torn from yesterday’s headlines (listen to his intro). It’s an infestation nativity!

Gary Strickland wants the last word on disgusting Christmas racism with “Jose, the Christmas Cockroach.” The guy went to a lot of video-making trouble and the number is way too long. But this is what novelty Christmas music is all about. All genius effort, no class.

The Future: Star Wars (5)

Star Wars is so original and imaginative (wink wink) that it simply must beget original Christmas songs–not only parodies. So let’s explore the few, the proud, the Jedi of carols.

With more fun than talent (like with me and you), Sci-Fried featuring Marc With a C soft-rock out to “Star Wars Christmas.” It’s not quite the Dark side, but it is about getting. And puppets!

Steve Yotch Crotch gives us “The Star Wars Christmas Song” about a simple Christmas wish for 2015. Amateur fun. You should  be amateurishly amused.

Zachary Padilla raps “Star Wars is Better than Christmas” because he’s got his priorities straight. And maybe he’s not Christian.

StarrySky has wrapped up a badly translated “Santa Vader” full of emo manga. It’s odd and dark and catchy. (I KNEW the Dark Side had the best cookies!) (Francophiles please to follow the directions at the end of the video.)(Then tell me what the noel is going on here.)

State Enough Already: American Samoa

American Samoa is not Samoa, which doesn’t belong to us. AS was occupied around 1900 and has never been fully adopted. It’s an unincorporated territory. Kind of a hobby, i guess. The big exports are tuna and military recruits (no other jobs, brah).

Some of the carols in Samoan are pretty, if a little electric. Like, you know, “Alofaaga mo Toa o Samoa” by the Petesa-Uta Congregational Christian Church of American Samoa Choir. Or, on the pop side, Mr. Tee and Zipso (a morning Zoo radio duo??) rap out “Manuia Le Kerisimasi.” Great guitar riffing (Island Bluegrass??) and purdy pop holiday moods come from Panesi Afulao with “Tu’u Mai Lu Lima.” It’s a two-step, fur sure.

As for English The American Samoa Community College Choir sings Dr. Paul Pouesi’s heartbreaking (i guess) paean for the tsunami victims back in 2010: “Christmas is Here Again.” (I’m pretty sure that’s not ironic.)

I’m going to settle on the language i don’t know, however, because ANZ Bank Choir rock me with “Samoa’s 13th Days Christmas.” It sounds like ladies vs. gents, but i kinda wanna sing along.

State Et Cetera: Guam

Guam is the jewel of the Marianas Islands… which we also ‘protect.’ It’s all military and touristy. A nice place to visit (Magellan liked it)….

For a taste of the people and their language and our electric keyboards try “Chamorro Christmas Songs. I may be hearing a bit of polka oompah. The Germans used to own the Northern Marianas. Hmmm.

Louise and Friends sing “Santa’s Island in the Sun” as a truly dreadful disco rap. They want to entertain you–or time travel.

St. Francis School Honor Choir brings us “Christmas in Guam” with harmonies of angels missing teeth piggybacking a ’70s backbeat. Their innocence truly makes this tiny rock a paradise for the holidays. (For a grittier version check out the slide show version here.)

State Extra: Puerto Rico

Time to finish up our duty-free duty:

FIFTY DAYS OF ‘MERICA-MAS: the rest

Although i finished State Fifty: Hawaii back on the fifth of December, USA gots some provincing to do…

The people of Puerto Rico have had citizenship since 1917, and the archipelago has been a commonwealth since 1952, but PRs have regularly defeated bills to vie for statehood. More Puerto Ricans live in the continental than on the island. Poverty and unemployment are rampant. then again–party-time for touristas. And ‘West Side Story.’

Although locally colorful noeling includes La Parrandas Navidenas, and Exitos Navidnos de Puerto Rico, i no habla.

So quick pick (another Dr. Demento fave): Rickie Vera singing “How Can Santa Come to Puerto Rico?” It’s on a lovely compilation entitled Mambo Santa Mambo from the friendly folks at Rhino.

 

Carol Parodies of the Ages “Jingle Bells”

Is this the first secular (read: no angels, shepherds, JC–or symbols of his never ending love) Christmas carol? James Pierpont (uncle of historical Scrooge J P) wrote this for Thanksgiving back in 1857. And it was often abused as a drinking song (jingle those cubes in your empty glass for a refill, bae). But given its bare melodic line and overwhelming omnipresence, ‘Jingle Bells’ is the 600 lb Santa who gets whatever he wants.

Because it’s been played to death, the parodies are sadly too many too thinly spread over too little foundation. Mostly, yecch.

Classics, of course, include The Three Stooges’ “Jingle Bell Drag,” Da Yooper’s “Rusty Chevrolet,” Jeff Dunham’s “Jingle Bombs” by Achmed the Dead Terrorist. Old schoolboy fave “Batman Smells” apparently needed lots of original verses, so Steve Wilson Britted it up for the ‘tube. Yawn.

This is not counting all the odd instrumentals and animals (although Richard Cheese‘s is funny) and sfx (“Laughing All the Way” by St. Nick isn’t too stupid, either).

But when it comes down to comedy, white people, am i right? “Holidays are Hell” by MyLifeSuckers (she means her family) complains in song about shopping, in-laws, and travel because having all that money means mo problems.

The Fallen Angel Choir also belabors the monetized merrymaking you mongrels have amassed on top of the Mass. Their sell-abration is entitled “Jingle Coins.”

Most movie parodies are poorly talented filk singers with overwrought wordplay poorly done, but someone (The Deluminators) took a little more time with “Catch the Snitch.” I don’t hate it.

Urban but not quite ghetto is Crazy Al Cayne rhyming “Out on Bail.” Festive more than funny.

Because it’s such an innocent beginning to courtship, someone’s gotta pornography this scene ’til we all get upshot. so BLUE ALERT.

DIRTY: Nasty Crue metals up “Jingle Balls” for no other reason than they’re jealous of professional rockers who get all that sex and drugs. Thanks for that.

DIRTIER: Wane Fawes Hispanicly laments his latest lamest STD with “Itchy Balls.” And you thought Cheech and Chong had no legacy.

DIRTIEST: John Valby makes music hall fun with filth. “Jingle Balls” details depravity, perversity, and automobile erotica for the bells of it.

But i enjoy learning while i’m caroling. So let’s travel the world using our jingle to jingo our way into others’ customs. The Savage Muse bemoans her sad Japanese Christmas observation with “Christmas Cake.” It is finger lickin’ good. Less fun is South African Tobias Niehur wishing he had what JB promises in his “Jingle Bells.” (KINDA BLUE STILL HERE: I might take a moment for all my xenophobes out there and include that humorous misinterp of another’s language “Kinky Tom” transcripted but not translated by Arhiblog.) For sheer joy, however, Bucko & Champs replicate the New Englander experience for Down Under. Lots of new words to learn so follow along!

 

Chanukah: Part 4our

Klezmer originally meant musical instruments. But it came to represent a style of celebratory dance music. Can’t have a proper Chanukah party without some bass booming and clarinet wailing like the souls of the lost.

The Klezmonauts have the best Christmas carol album Oy to the World with hits like “Deck the Halls,” “Jingle Bells,” and natch “Joy to the World.” High school orchestras are picking up on this now–so you know it’s time-honored. And John Golden crafted a gorgeous M. Mouse short to “Santa Gey Gezunderheit.” Not to be missed.

“Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer” in Yiddish (and Klezmer) doesn’t work as well by Kugelplex. Love their Disney cartoon, too.

If you have the time, make your way through this entire Klezmer Nutcracker by Shirim. Yeah it’s The Holidays, i know you’re busy! You’ll feel better afterwards–trust me!

Chanukah: DayThree

Some Chanukah songs are just plain pretty. Can you go pop just a sway with me? It’ll be spiritual.
StandFour fulfills my occasional need for a cappella with their “Eight Nights.” It’s joyful and triumphant.
The Maccabeats’ “Candlelight” however, makes me beat my feet to the rhythm, uh huh.