Pop music is for kids wanting to be 6 years older than they are. By the time the subject matter of top 40 tunes is age appropriate, the consumer is so over that.
Thusly, these are largely trash.
Brenna Miles (from TV!) twangs up pop for her “Mistletoe.” You’re eight. in front of mirror, with too much make up on, practicing the nae nae–Go!
Playing the soft rock angle, Colin Healy sounds like a girl with “Meet Me Under the Mistletoe.” It’s what prepubescents pick.
While we’re upping with people, Harry Potter! That cheers everyone up, right?
Pennsylvanian besties formed a band (The Moaning Myrtles) out of high school finding they were just wild about Harry. Here’s their take on those imaginary critters infesting the mistletoe Luna claims she can see (and ruining moments between Harry and Cho). So, obvi: “Nargles in the Mistletoe.” Is it love yet?
The Kicks point out the “Santa Claus is Coming to the USA” every year. Contractually he’s bound to. But, c’mon–you know he’d rather bring merch here than any where else. We’re all about that (even got some church bells tolling on us).
Most of the handful of carols dedicated to WWI are British about their dedication and sacrifice (and that one about the soccer game on the front lines).
But we’re being national here. So we’ll leave the patriotic history in the hands of the Royal Guardsmen with their capitalistic sequel to ‘Snoopy vs. the Red Baron’ song “Snoopy’s Christmas.” That beagle’s kinda Yank.
Psy’s 2012 cultural phenomenon ‘Gangnam Style’ spawned as much laughter as dance. So here come the parodies. (I can only stand a few–there are dozens!)
Supposedly Psy does his own “Santa Style.” But i’d sashay past if i were you.
Just as pointless, but with the moves demonstrated NYC Santa and friends (the guys in Time Square who want 20 bucks for a photo) skit out “Oppa Santa Style.” Not much to it.
Imitator Tots list out Christmas symptoms to the beat with their “Christmas Time (Gangnam Style).” You can feel the dub step. It’s a 4 on the fun scale.
More clever, “Santa Style” by nyrbness delivers the sound, the wit, the feeling of dancedancdance.
I guess my favorite, is an AM radio gasser parody (Mark and Brian) with drunk pointlessness. “Christmas Style.” I love over attention to detail without an exit plan.
Pop rock infiltrated hipster and class struggling revolters as soon as it started, so the scared middle class could feel in fashion.
Check out the big band safety Benny-Lee & The Ken Tones supply with the “Rockin’ and Rollin’ Santa Claus.” Strictly for the schmo from Kokomo.
There’s always room for bubblegum. Gary Glitter swamps up disco, bebop, and country for his “Another Rock and Roll Christmas.” Is he singing or heaving?
Retro Aussies ‘Ol 55 sneak a touch of boogie woogie soul into over-electricalated over-drummed “Rockin’ Xmas.” Little lateral move needed for this dance, just bopping in place would be fine.
Mambo is one of those great dances named for the music, like disco. It may have been hatched down south in the ’30s, but no one cared until the big band concerts, movies, and radio shows of the ’40s made us Cuba-crazy.
Sadly most Merry mambo tunes simply torture old standards with a salsa beat. But this is such primal music it has generated a few original songs.
Billy May with the Orchestra capitalize on the fun with “Rudolph Mambo.” While not technically a song, the few interjections: ‘What the heck is the ma-ambo!’ jazz up this swinging ballroom routine.
“We Wanna See Santa Do the Mambo” by Big John Greer picks up its feet and moves surprisingly gracefully across the turntable. This is doo wop done mambo.
“Mambo Santa Mambo” has become an important December dance tune, The Enchanters deliver a perfectly passable paso doble version. The Bobs whoop and groan through every maneuver, but keep it light hearted and lively.
For full club flavor sample Cabaret Diosa keeping a bongo beat with “Merry Mambo Christmas.” Ay Santa!
El Timbo may tug at your heart strings, however, with his poor childhood Christmasses warmed only by the mambo. “Mambo Christmas” tells a story with funny voices, two languages, and an odd pop-electronic beat. Beat that.
If out of work, Santa could pick up some training at the local community college, i’m sure.
But the consequences could be dire–
Herein lies the lesson: Casey McKinnon warns of the resulting nihilism often resulting from liberal arts classes in her bouncy fun pop tune: “Santa is an Atheist.” Well, he didn’t start out as one but, see, what happened…
It’s a pretty sad and lame joke that since Santa services kids, it’s not oral or anal–so, thank you Sigmund, it’s sexual.
Not much novelty gold to mine here, but there are lumpy nuggets to chew.
A lagubrious Karl Speegle moans his carol “Santa is a Pedo” as if he’d lost a bet.
Moving on, we may have touched upon Andy Dick’s “Santa’s Yule Log” earlier. It’s so wigged out creepy though that i need to inflict it upon you ‘gain.
Culturcide celebrates Santa’s perversity with an ambiguous age difference between Sinter Klass and the subject(object) of his affection in “Santa Claus was My Lover.” Is the love underaged? or just May/Dec? And hey. kids, we don’t really encourage the plagiarism of karaoke machinery to write your music, but a Michael Jackson song just writes its own parody here.
Best on parody here would have to be the squirmy take on The Kinks’ ‘Lola’ “Santa” by Joel Kopischke. This gets creepier the more genius it gets. I think it’s gay-consensual, but it may also be a crime. Can’t really tell.
Old Dr. Demento discovery Barnes and Barnes present their perverse pop present “I Had Sex with Santa.” This also is not necessarily felonious, but the insoucient joy (“…and then I had a beer!”) and naive frivolity of this act leads one to darkness analogous.
Bob Rivers’ take on this is the classic Springsteen turn on ‘Coming to Town’ with his parody “Santa Claus is Fooling Around.” Classic comedy (and i do mean OLD).
More outraged (and rightly so) come The Mistreats and the punk screaming fit “Santa Stole My Baby.” Vent along if it’s happened to you, too.
Gotta hear the blues, though. Bobby Parker gets angsty with “Sandy Claw Stole My Woman.” It’s painful, that’s what it is (not the guitar).
Here Comes the Mummies do a word-jazz heavy number on that Fat Tub of Goo with “Secret Santa.” That’s is one merry mo-fo you should not let down your chimney when she‘s home. Great fun video, but this may not be about Santa after all.
Best party music for your girl getting’ birddogged by Babouschka is “Santa’s Beard” by They Might Be Giants (not a remake of The Beach Boys), a real crowd pleasing stomp in honor of jealousy and heart-broken-ness.
