Category: show tune

Let’s get nuts. Songs are the backbone of my blogging, but they’re also the spine of the musician, the vertebrae of the album structure, and the central nervous adjunct of the on-stage musical. I’ve been in a dither lately when I resisted someone foisting the Star Trek musical episode soundtrack on me, claiming i wasn’t a fan of musicals. But that’s like NOT being a fan of music. There’s good and there’s bad. [Granted, here on the blog, i always include good and bad songs together… but i’ll snarkily judge for y’all.]

Musicals are an expression of story: full of character development, plot twists, setting context, and philosophical outcome. Then there’s book and score. One group is an excuse for the other. For our purposes, the songs matter more.

[I’ve stumbled over many a musical during my years of sampling so we’ll revisit some songs, but we’ll avoid all the Hallmark mistakes that toss in a number or two, and all the church/school jamborees for the 2nd grade performers, as well as the BIG SHOWS like ‘Holiday Inn’ and all those TV specials you know inside and out {For a much better blog about those see: ChristmasTVHistory.com}.]

To begin with, the tragedy of the Rouse Simmons (‘the Christmas Ship’) has broken wave before on the blog… but Chicago boasted a seasonal run of “The Christmas Schooner” for twelve years beginning in 1996. Set in that fateful pre-Wars year of 1912, the troubles with immigration (“That’s America“), poverty (“Song of the Hungry Peasants“), and modern morality (“Loving Sons“) supersede Christmas (“Winterfest Polka“) and the impending shipwreck itself (“Questions“)–the show ends by the final voyage the fictional Molly.

The 1910s Midwesternism of the setting lends itself to an operettic feel for the show. Each number is a warbling/belted out old-timey stretch. The drama of the big success of the first run of trees in “The Christmas Schooner” works well for that. But, i’ll admit a fondness for the suspenseful foreshadowing in “What is It about the Water?” Lots of shouting braided with boys’ choir and journaled angst. And pretty piano, too.

Damning used to be the worst thing you could do, like excommunicating. Now you can say the word in a children’s show. People!

John Bartus sings to his own drummer with “Happy Holidays (My Own Damn Christmas Song).” This is a response to the haters of the term Holidays. Don’t act like I shot your dog. Fun lite rock.

Suffering from post-present depression, Olivia Dolphin piano bars “This Damn Christmas.” Seems to be missing you.

Sylvester the Cool Cat (our new Garfield?) also jazz bands the showtune “I Don’t Give a Damn About Christmas.” Anti-X… until the end.

Sheol, Gehenna, and Hades get name dropped in the Bible, but Hell arrives centuries later as taken from Old Germanic. It’s not as old as God. It’s a human thing. We need it. But do we need it… for Xmas?

Smiling Friends from Adult Swim has a brief ditty about “Christmas in Hell.” The jazzy pop is so light that they sing Aitch – Ee – Double Ell.

Why can’t every day be like “Christmas in Hell” goes the caffeinated pop of Young Satan. Careful what you curse for.

Softshoe jazz-time from Tennis Elbow welcomes you to “Christmastime (In Hell).” Politics are mentioned.

“Christmas In Hell” is where These Stains Are Who I Am discover themselves at an importune time. Spanky showtune for those who want to clap along with their ultimate and very detailed misfortune. Hee hee.

Full disclosure, the ‘Jolly Roger, the Christmas Pirate’ short musical theatre bit is only the last part of Bah & The Humbugs’ album Another Christmas Ruined. It begins with Santa (in disguise) questioning young Jenny about what she wants to Xmas in “The Only Thing on Jenny’s List.” Things turn ugly.

This causes Santa to question his raison d’etre. His existential crisis is summed up in the solo “I’m Not Obsessive.”

“The Spirit of Christmas Presents” haunts the haunted Santa to explain what is what. The moral of the song is: strength in numbers.

Out of the blue, pirates (“Jolly Roger and his Chorus of Pirates”) arrive–with a deal. They need help with the delivery of jacked booty. The waters are too hot these days.

The booty? “All You Need is Rum.” And it’s for Santa! (Boy, are the elves happy!)

Seeing his shot, Santa challenges Jolly Roger to an arm wrestling match–in the song “Arms”–as to who delivers Christmas presents!

The sponsor “Northern Lights” beer interrupts the longish match with an elvish commercial.

Spoiler alert–Santa wins. He’s “The North Pole Champ.” Elf dogpile!

Santa is so relieved not to be the target this holiday, he’s having “The Merriest Christmas of All.” What a party.

Jolly Roger gets his training from Santa in “The Tao of the Sleigh.” Apparently any monkey can do this, with the massive tech on Santa’s sleigh. The gifts will almost deliver themselves. Saying Ho Ho Ho, however, eludes him.

The actual story is just the postscript here: JR delivers, faces down the scary Jenny, and succeeds (and takes whiskey as well as cookies). Huzzah.

In “The Joyous Ending” Santa gloats. Jolly Roger shines. Phew.

That’s enough of that. Except for the men workshopping catch phrases. Oh, yeah–and don’t leave out your liquor.

Old salts know how to make the best of a bad thing.

Robert Palomo tries the parody tack with “Sailor Christmas Carols.” Hard workin’ men havin’ a larf.

The Green Monkey Christmas Chorale (feat. Gary Minkler) get into character with “Xmas Time for Sailors.”

“A Yuletide Sea Shanty” is a fun curiosity from Steve Parsons. Sung here by the Excelsia Singers this operatic tale of tempest tossed sailors visited by Santa & The Reindeer becomes comic, in a good way.

Want a boat? Build it yourself! For Christmas!

Hawksley Workman plans to “Build a House or Maybe a Boat.” It’ll be ready by Xmas. It rides like a showtune, but it’s pure lounge blues. Wild.

Lukas Graham sings about that boat you built but never got to sail. It becomes a big deal, because you are no longer “Here (For Christmas).” Pop about loss.

Or just act like it–Mikael Englund and Árpád Solti get full on musical theater with “Times of Joy, Dreams Ahoy!” Free, happy, skating, giving… it’s all patter building to shout out that final nautical send off.

You ready for Santa Claus to show you the moves? On his blade? In the racy?

The Ramblers take us back to the ‘6os (again) with their salutary “Surfin’ Santa.” Way more pop than rock. That background chorus competes with the gull noises.

“Summertime Santa” by Jason Didner and the Jungle Gym Jam is perilous pop as well. Plenty retro for pop, but the elevator music sort.

The Puzzlers have a sad relationship with jobs: I come to this soulless office five days a week To earn a crust and get me through to the weekend so to speak. Big plan’s for the holiday office party, however, as they’ll knock out the boss. Grinding metal punk suits “Christmas in Puzzlerville” just dandy.

Aussie Greg Doolan gets animal-friendly with his unnecessary “The Five Days of Christmas.” For the completist.

Pandemic holiday songs may have their own sub-sub-genre, but “Christmas Bubble” is a light pop (rocking guitar solo!) bit of snark from Amie. Sing along with the refrain: Come be in my Christmas Bubble, Five whole days we’ll have no trouble; If we drink enough we might see double!

Suplex Machine worries that it’s 5 days to Christmas when it’s “Nearly Christmas With Jean.” Garage folderol that gets a joint jumpin’.

Cheesy pop from The Cheetah Girls will count it down: There’s 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 more days All around the world. “Five More Days ’til Christmas” delivers what it promises. Okay fine bye.

Also counting, J T Machinima industrial pops “Merry FNAF Christmas” from five days until… well, doomsday. Look out.

Velvet Mac is panicky because now it’s five days away from Christmas Day, and you’re out of the picture, and it’s hurting, and “Christmastime (Let It Go).” Weird electronic pop will help.

Using more than two hands Ian C A Buchanan warns, Don’t tell me I can’t celebrate cause Halloween is still 5 days away: The season never ends in my heart. “Never Too Soon to Celebrate (Christmas)” gets a little over-orchestrated, but the energy is infectious.