Category: rap

Seventy seems high (for elder years) and also low (for furnace settings). How far will today’s number take us… in rap?

PM has a BLUE ALERT “Wishlist” quid pro quo. For many, detailed sexual favors, she receives everything: including a 70″ plasma. Grawly rap.

Living fast and ballin’ at Christmas time, is Jim Jones’s answer to McCartney’s ‘Wonderful.’ “Dipset X-mas Time” has some baller wants, like: I think the coupe might do the hard thing (For real) Gotta do seventy and out pops the wing (Uh-oh). Laid back rap.

RodneyAlan gets all cozy with his rap “Whatchu Want for Christmas.” He purrs: Give me a melody Sing it to you when we’re wrinkly and seventy–and that’s what he wants from you, chuchi-face.

I can’t seem to tire of Martin Rivas’s haunting alt-folk “Another Christmas 78rpm.” Transcending, man.

Cold enough for you? “Hanukkah in Santa Monica” gets a gospel update from Mike Barnett (feat. Allie Kramer) and now names the temp: a crisp 78!

The other day it dropped to 78 I’m kind of cold, brags “Florida Christmas.” To the Handel chorus Kj-52 X Jonah cleverly disputes your preconceived notions and raps in the holidays, playful-like.

83 is still too warm during “Christmas Time in L.A.” for Chanté Moore. R+B about how beautiful it is in the sand. But i’m not not seduced by the pop rhythms. Could this be R&B ironic??

Malinda offers to Test every strand of lights and drape the tree in 83 ways for her “(Im)perfect Christmas.” Smokey jazz and bluesy wiles about how cool it is to be kinda dumb. Brrr.

83 years is the sentence in “Rudolph’s Story.” Jae Trxpp raps the Xmas tale old as time ’bout the two homeboys who accidentally shoot a kid, split the loot, get greedy, shoot one another, recover, lay low, then snitch. Sing along.

Tha Dogg Pound’s “I Wish” is a Xmas rap for love, even with young oppressed men only dreaming of guns. So leave it to one enterprising poster to show us Ralphie in ‘A Christmas Story’ under the song. Oh yeah, and the bookends of Toys ‘R Us commercials (with a fraction of a second of an actual black child). The number in question, however, quoted in What’s the solution for your 9-7 resolution? is probably not the screen of an iPad Pro, so i dunno….

How far is Christmas? Is it 100 miles? Shall we go 100 miles per hour to get there?

Kyle Matthews covers Oak Ridge Boys’s “Inconvenient Christmas,” a country stand-up sermon reminding us how Mary was Forced to walk a hundred miles just to give birth in the hay. Ask your mom about that level of inconvenience.

Taylor Swift’s “Christmas Must be Something More” blames our hundred mile an hour lives for not appreciating the specialness that the preacher told you about.

“All I want is a Tesla Truck” remarks Frosty in a sprightly rap. ‘Cuz. you know, Goin’ 0 to 100. Weee!

Not sure how a hundred translates musically, but these songsters hit it for Christmas.

You can hear the chimes, clangs, & whistles 100 miles when Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends kidsong “It’s Christmas Time.” Catchy, and not just in a cow-catcher way.

Apathy Demigodz is pretty pissed BLUE ALERT when he underlines McCartney for his rap defensive “Wonderful X-mas Time.” Scoop Deville gave me like a 100 beats for Christmas is the nicest thing he can rhyme. Not a parody as much as it is a diatribe.

Contrariwise Cha$e D’Amico raps for the family when he points out family and friends are better than 100 bands. “Merry Christmas to You All” is as lame as it sounds. If you wanna spread the joy then go and make a phone call! Ya YAAA!

Santa, I need the Lam with a 100 bands, man fool-raps Arthur Ray (feat. Uni-G) in the funny funky “Gift Rappin’.” It’s a carnival of crazy. Naughty, too, but not quite blue.

It’s about time we got another love song. Young Disciple (feat. Katelyn Pitzer, Mekenna Simpson & Big Yawn) rapid rap how they wanna be forever, till we go to heaven Be together till we hit that big 107. “You Are the One” is the title, message, and refrain. Big feelings. With tambourine.

Layla Khepri reimagines “Joy to the World” as a holiday burden on her, rapping about the growing woes–that is, until the drugs kick in. She gives 110, she sez, the world revolving around her. They’ll take me naughty or nice Just to have me— And it IS naughty, but not too blue alert.

Tommy Lee Sparta liquifies the English language with his Jamiacan rap “Shelly Christmas.” This rabbit hole of crime/violence drills deeper and deeper. Nothing merry gwan awn hyere. Call 119! (Emergency Services for Jamaica). [Shelly might be some Olympian trek star from the island, dunno.]

Fortune Kit lays his rap lines for pop purposes in “Silly Santa’s Christmas Kisses.” Hot rodding (I’m doin’ 120, they told me to pull over the sled), drugging (I got a pile of snow like Bobby Brown and Whitney), minor crimes (Santa’s Bringing Christmas cards that expired last year), and more (Crooked cops lookin’ at Donner and Blitzen like yiff yiff)–! Maybe there won’t be a Christmas next year….