Category: folk

If Big Nick ever picked another job, it would be because he was adventurous, whimsical, reinventing himself–right? Right?!

Surely that ol’ chimney skater wouldn’t ever simply LOSE his gift gig?

Titty Twister spins the sad yarn of Santa going homeless and his gang going criminal in “Santa Claus is Unemployed.” Smelly hair metal.

Jeremy Lister posits this worst case scenario with “Santa’s Lost His Mojo.” Fortunately this is only a cry for help, so all you rotten ingrates will appreciate him again. Enjoy his pop rocker but think about what you did.

Theocracy tells the story we don’t want to hear the night before: the economy dragged Santa down to the coal mines in their “All I Want for Christmas.” BTW all they want for Christmas, despite their hair metal, is ‘their old job back.’ Makes you think.

Odds Bodkin gets more serious with an old school folk protest song jollied up children-style. “The Takeover Before Christmas” does unwind an epic yarn, but make sure you’ve got arms on your chair to clench and an edge upon which to sit. Santa gets run out of work by Big Toy and forced into early retirement. But… keep listening… that Christmas magic isn’t done with our favorite fatman….

Is Santa a day-saver? Can he make things right? Well, he is a hero to many children… maybe he has a second calling fighting zombies and aliens (and i presume ninjas) as a samurai. Actually he is more of a bubba-san.

If that’s unclear please take a psychedelic trip along the corrido ballideering of Chuck Pickelsimer and his ode to “Samurai Santa.” If you can follow any of it, you may never be the same afterwards.

The Pever Pan Carolers (as the Peppermint Kandy Kids) have a scheme when posing “Santa Claus for President.” that is to get Christmas all year round. I guess the Pres has got nothing better to do than hand out stuff.

Sammy Kaye and orchestra seem more genuine in their vote for “Santa Claus for President.” I guess we’ll all still 365 toys, but it’s ’cause he loves us back.

Kenton McPeake has more of grassroots folk take on “Santa Claus for President.” Here we have a political statement thumbing our nose at D.C.

Well, if Santa’s NOT God, maybe his job is balancing the celestial scales by incorporating ultimate evil.

Aurelio Voltaire spells it out for you (just move one letter!) with “Santa Claus is Satan.” Despite some goth trappings, this smacks of children’s song. He’s having enthusiastic guitar fun.

Tony Martin similarly strums up the Santa myth (albeit with more production values) in his “Who Put the Devil in Santa?” This is ’80s pop turned on its ear, winding itself up louder and louder. A real showstopper. Testify!

Screaming and syncopating (barely) Toykillers lay down some club feedback with “The Devil May be Your Santa Claus.” Headbang on the chimney with care.

Those with a casual Christmas connection sometimes think of all of Santa’s multicultural helpers (Black Peter f’r instance) as Santas themselves. It’s NOT TRUE. But, to have some fun, let’s include The Bearded One’s head punisher Krampus in Rusty Cage’s “The Krampus Song.” It’s more folk fun, with a family style round of chords that should have all of you singing along.

Something Fierce lays down the garage rock for their rollicking “Satan Claus.” Now we know the truth. And we can dance to it.

Whether or not the elves can get behind Santa, we write letters to the big guy, not them. So it’s time to start thinking about Mr. Red. What’s he doing Right Now?

In fact, is Santa who he is, or only his job?

If that’s true, what other jobs might he have?

First of all, let’s deal with the all-seeing, all-knowing job: God.

A few artists have something to say about Santa as God.

Hank Snow spins a schoolroom spoonful of treacle with “God is My Santa Claus” either creating an ouroboros tautology, or refuting our original posit. Ok, i guess God is everything, including the Great Gift Giver.

Pearl Jam mellow alt rock the confusion of “Santa God” ascribing it also to childhood’s naiveté.

A little more garage punk (kiddie style) Contranzor declares “Santa is Your God.” Oh, i see, we worship materialism. Well, now that’s just social commentary….

Joe Treewater just covers his bases by confessing “Sorry God & Santa.” It’s a smooth unplugged folk play (except for the atheist digression toward the end).

Dan Hart grows on this symbiosis with comic folk pop in “Santa God.” Looks like they are two different entities after all, or at least opposite polarities.

After leaving the truck stop, pat yourself down to make sure you didn’t leave anything–say like your sobriety.

Drunk Christmas will be covered later. Drunk driving for Christmas is an even more serious subject. So let’s sing about it.

Garage rocking band Boozer settles comfortably into “All I Got for Christmas was a DUI.” Bourgeois blubbering regret. What they got against Elvis?

Spoken word poet Shawn Mafia gets mad at Santa while busting a crime in his “All I Got for Xmas was a DUI.” Mad verbal skills, but what’s he sound like sloshed?

J.D. Rogers tells quite a “DUI for Christmas” story to the tune of Keen’s ‘Merry Christmas from the Family.’ With the continually puking and cop cam roadside testing i guess this is supposed to be some kind of joke. Kinda liked the song.

I am contractually obligated to mention Bob Rivers whenever i can. “Carol of the Bartenders” is a clever bit of PSA. Perhaps too flip.

Jakson Lee goes deadly serious with his little ditty for a school project. The first minute and a half are a fine folk number, then he includes a slide show for–i think–his little sister with a reminder how to get fun things for children. Wha-huh? “Christmas is Dead (Don’t Drive Drunk).”

Patti Jo-Roth Edwards is one of those singer songwriters who can’t help herself. She writes, she sings, she records and posts.

I’m not saying she’s any good. She just gotta sing.

It’s a mistake, for example, to twist out a rocking tune like “Santa Drives a Candy Apple Red Cadillac” unplugged and dogged. Her mush mouthing the lyrics is fine, but her Judy Collins women’s folk coloring outside the lines belies the hella good time promised by the story. Hmmm. Cadillacs deserve something more urban.

2/2 is officially Mid-Winter with the groundhog prognosticating what’s left of the horrible killing frost. But not so always. Christmas originally was Mid-Winter, ’cause of political calendrical churchy battles. You could look it up.

“In the Bleak Midwinter” is a traditional hymn about Christmas and it’s sung by many, many, many who have the pipes to back it up. I’ll just mention a Hampshire set of twins, Ward Thomas, partly because my wife loves young girl harmony, partly because their video here is all agenda-ed up with vetserans’ charities. Pretty but deadly.

Other Winter/Christmas songs of note: “The Winter Song” by Eisley from the Maybe This Christmas Too album. A trudging, mournful, soulful searching song.

Isaac Hayes also blues it up with “Winter Snow” from several Xmas compilations (mine is Christmas in Soulsville). I feel compelled to point these titles out because it is not sounding like Christmas.

Thee Olde World loans us classic carols like “Drive the Cold Winter Away” here brought to life by The Trail Band. (Album: Making Spirits Bright.) Seems totes apropos here for Feb.

But, to stay novel and titular, let’s get our coffeehouse beat on with Lou Reed. His “Xmas in February” of course is about how the spirit has left us this late in the year. It’s spoken word blues about loss from the Vietnam War. But the title really works for me, so there.