Category: folk

Blake Shelton (feat. Reba) yodels the corn outta “Oklahoma Christmas.” See they can’t get home for the holidays (40 Westbound is a sheet of ice) from TN.

While on the road, note the odd Limey rap of Central Cee on the A40 tryna act lidge, when I hit the backroad, I’ll pick up the speed The trap phone jump two, three, and I’m on two fours like Christmas Eve. “Xmas Eve” is a BLUE ALERT road trip of troubles.

While we’re tolerating the BLUE ALERT let’s tolerate the comedy of Twiztid’s “A Very Twiztid Christmas.” This is an epic farce of angry believing, violent tendencies, and hazy celebration–the presents are wrapped Shaggy’s style through with a 40 in a sac.

Wait, you want meaning? James Wotal drags out the soapbox and folksings the damnation of materialism in “Blinded by Christmas.” 40% off and free FedEx shipping isn’t the true meaning after all!

Quick sidebar before we begin: ‘Rocko’s Modern Christmas’ special of 1994 featured tunes with 60 in the title for no better reason, perhaps, than they were a minute long. So, quick shout out to Richard Myhill’s “Ho Ho Dance 60” and James Abbott and Alex Adams’s “We’re Gonna Party 60.” Mix those into your rumpus room soundtracks, stat.

Spirit of the West is also time-attuned, “Roadside Attraction” begins with the chill of 60 days ’til Christmas. The whole deal is about breaking out of your rut, but–you know–in time for the holidays is implied!

Time figures into rate, so “Supercharged Santa Claus” can get it from 0 to 60. Party rap from Kwanza Jones (feat. Matty).

But, we’re still in the moderate temperature zone. Pirate God whisper-raps over ‘Last Christmas’ rhythms a “Christmas Eve Freestyle” more concerned about the 60 degrees than the BLUE ALERT bullies and needs.

Uke swing from Christina Rose enjoys a “Summer Christmas” of some 60 degrees. Hawaiian vacays matter.

Let’s deep dive the nostalgia of northern Maine for a mo. “60 Watt Colored Light Bulbs” used to hang in strings over Main Street for a more festive community–according to Flooded Cellar and their homespun folk poppabilly. Woulda been a wonderland, woo woo.

Insistent soul from Sunny lists the wants, including an 80″ screen TV. “Sunny Christmas” seems satisfying, at least materially.

Waka Flocka Flame machine-gun-raps “Grinch” about Gucci had stole 80 pounds–but it’s reefer, brah. Not cool. Now there’s no tree.

“Christmas on Interstate 80” is a juke joint country story from 5 Chinese Brothers. It’s as sad and as hopeful as you’d imagine.

Bish bash bong woo! We’ll be loving Christmas Day Oh, when we’re 80–or so says the headache-inducing pop of Girls Aloud in “I Wanna Kiss You so (Christmas in a Nutshell).” All i want for Christmas is my two Excedrin.

There are roughly 80 Christmases in a lifetime, begins “Adult Christmas” by Moon Moon Moon. This reflective alt-pop emotional exploration is BLUE ALERT brutal so strap in.

Legit country folk from Sofia Tolvak might redeem the whole mess. “One Last Christmas Wish” comes from when you’re eighty years old and you can still remember the love of your life around the tree. ‘Scuse me a moment….

Can 100 measure the love of Christmas? Follow the ribbons–

LeAnn Rimes warbles out in her diva pop “It’s Christmas Eve” that for all the lucky ones Who leave no “I Love You” undone They’ll see a hundred trips around the sun And know all that their dreams become. Well, it’s a love song regardless.

Brief reprise from the steampunking Eternal Frontier’s “100 Years of Christmas (She Melts Me).” Rock me, o mechanics.

As one-hundred hearts the lanterns glow metaphorizes “Christmas Lights in Every Tree” by Karin Tenggren. This high soprano folk prayer leads us home, bc home IS love. Sigh along.

“God’s Christmas” by Johnathan Boggarty and the Yoghurt Man is the alt-folk rock argument the 118 year-old Jesus has with his dad (mediated by the Holy Spirit) about going out to a party for Christmas. He tries to trick his Mom into letting him go, but God turns the other cheek and–

John 3:16 cuts to the chase–swear to Jesus = immortality. Over the Rhine notices the numbering from some dive at some low point in “First Snowfall.” This old dirty city Is cleansed of its sin in this alt-folk Xmas apology.

Touchline clues us in to “A South African Christmas” during the pandemic, in which a citizen might apply for a grant of 350 rand per month (around 20 bucks). He doesn’t mean to break our hearts, but wish us ‘Merry Christmas’; yet rap being what it is, even in occasional Zulu, downer.

Big Nic gets a “Ticket” for Christmas, from himself to himself. The plane goes 350 miles per hour! But, then in the Caribbean he’s looking for BLUE ALERT connections he won’t find at home. Casual sex rap.

Waylan St. Palan & The Magic Elves spell out the family feast (including Pre heat the oven to 350) in the catchy folk rock “(Doin’ the) Dishes for Christmas.” Check their list: double boiler, candy thermometer, slotted spoon, spatula… but guess what they wish for Christmas (so they won’t have to Do Those Dishes anymore)?! This one’s magic, kids.

About 200 inches of snow during “Winter in Eastport” Maine, right on the corner of the Atlantic next to Canada. But the 1300 population who brave the winters there get quite the tribute from Flooded Cellar’s chatty folk ballad. Top that, Bismarck!