Category: country sort of

Let’s pull over for a bit.

Muzyka plays a sad lonely song in a sad lonely venue. “Truck Stop Christmas” smacks of a folk ballad, like that guy what got stuck on the IRT. Mostly it’s slow and overstuffed.

Much more appropriately, An East Nashville Christmas album presents a panoply of earnest country songs. In the spirit of charity for the homeless, artists tend not to get credit. So hold your applause for “A Truck Stop Christmas.” It’s more sad Dad can’t be home, but the slide guitar makes it come alive in grief.

If you want to see a picture painted of the colorful working class stuck in a greasy spoon for that special day, please tune in to Marc Allen Bennett’s “One More Truck Stop Christmas.” It’s caffeinated, greasy, with a side of boot scootin’ ‘tude.

 

Besides Santa, what is this magical relationship truckers have with Xmas? If it’s family, it’s a tragic misplacement of values!

David Currey tries to modulate his country tune into a proper carol “A Trucker’s Christmas” with all sorts of piano noodling and singing range. But him missing kids pales next to when he vows to ‘pop the clutch and gear that sucker down.’

More country/folk with a percussive blast of Allman brothers, Maxx Mann swears sorrow for his “Trucker’s Christmas.” But his blues are balls out upbeat.

Pretty as a pop tune, country singer Johnny Dan’s sort-of country song “A Truck Driver’s Christmas” is a slow dance pout about not being home. One two three, one two three.

Of course Red Simpson jerks tears the best with his “Blue Blue Christmas (For This Truck Drivin’ Man).” Are truckers so irresponsible that they can’t keep a calendar on the dashboard? Quit whining and put the pedal to the metal!

Granpa Robert Spurgeon delivers the standard ‘Jingle Bells’ spoofery with his armchair “Trucker Christmas Song.” Trouble with the law? That ain’t yule!

Summoning his honky tonk powers, Dan Brayall altos “Big Rig Christmas Tree.” Finally he’s celebrating being on the road again. Why so sad for the baby J, you other musicians? This truckers’ creation is gonna ‘save the day’!

While we’re visiting the late ’70s let’s cash in on the Citizens’ Band radio chatter. Santa moves his toys like Freightliner, surely he must need to hail a fellow highwayman.

Robert and Patrick Conti rattle on roackabilly style with their “CB Christmas.” Lesson: trust a trucker.

Richard Gillis rolls on quaint country rock with his “CB Santa Claus.” Lesson here: trust all truckers; it takes a convoy.

Big Jim and the Goodbuddies lay it on heehaw thick with their “CB Santa.” Lesson [i guess]: country folks are funny–laugh away.

18-wheelers are to cars what space shuttles are to piper cubs. But let’s allow them right of way here because there’s a semi-full of cool Christmas songs about truckin’.

I’ll start out with the heat. ‘Convoy’ was a song from the ’70s and got many a cover and reinterpretation, including today’s “Christmas Convoy.” Paul Brandt goes Morning Zoo with sfx and overly dramatic line readings for his. I prefer Mike Austin’s tribute to CW McCall’s gigantic country crossover hit (how many songs get movies made about them?). 12-25, good buddy.

Well, a truck is a power-hungry, overdeveloped, oft redneck form of car, so let’s take a hillbilly minute to consider the pickup (before we get to proper truckin’).

Average Joe’s Muddy Christmas is a my-tee-fine pop country album for the holidays. So we’ll get in that truck with our hunney and have a “Muddy Christmas” care of Lenny Cooper. Nasty boy.

First of all, we need to establish why Santa should trade in his magic sleigh for some 4 x 4. Alan Jackson explains (to some suspiciously familiar rodents) why “Santa’s Gonna Come in a Pickup Truck.” Well, then how’s he gonna deliver my Humvee? (Okay Red Simpson did the pickin’ and grinnin’ better back in 1973. Love the outro.)

Foster Martin Brand, on the other hand, insists that “Santa Don’t Drive No Pick-Up Truck” made by Ford or Chevrolet. I don’t know what the hell is going on here, but the House of UnAmerican Activities Committee needs to look into this.

Fortunately The Lacs saw “Santa in a 4-Wheel Drive.” That should straighten everything out. But, as they are good ol’ bubba country posters’, they might have been mistaken/drunk.

Paul Michael Gross is a television developer and actor (Due South), but he also shares with us his love of country cliches in “Santa Drives a Pickup.” (In this case a ’67 Ford.)

Let’s cheat some more.

Best mention of June for Christmas is from the April-May-June run “Christmas in April” by Butch Walker. Bradley Glen ‘Butch’ Walker was a bit of a somebody lead guitarist for metal and rock bands back in the ’90s and earlier. His gentle country-rock love song here is aw shucks sentimental and santarific. Love is Christmas no matter what month.

Let’s get inside the stable with the real manger-ettes finally.

Santa’s helping at the Gilmer Dairy Farm in “The Gilmer Dairy Farm Christmas Song.” Will Gilmer sings up a bucketful of ‘Jingle Bells’ parody with cows in mind and it’s worth half a listen.

Cattle drives gotta happen first, o’ course. Cowboy Greg & The Done Goods yodel out “Cows Love Christmas” with that open range fantasia that usually precedes delusional seizures and death.

Bringing the hoofed ones home for the holidays Daniel Gould of Music Tech Group, solemnizes “Give a Cow for Christmas.” This rocks and feeds back and, i guess, postulates that poor people could use a burger as a gift this time of year. Hmmmm.

But we must pause and salute the greatest cow novelty Christmas music album of all time: It’s a Cow Christmas by Terry Esau. This True Christian went a little nuts in the best possible creative way cranking out parody after parody of carols with a taurine twist or two. Check out “God Rest Ye Merry Cattlemen” (reverential)

and the best of the herd: “Santa Cow.” It’s disco meets rap meets country meets trucker rock. Mooo, boy.

Axis of Awesome comes to the rescue with a real Nativity four-footed number. “I Love Being a Cow” may have a sudden turn to watch out for though. Watch out.

Other science fiction futuristic shows and movies have little Christmas song love. Battlestar Glactica? Farscape? Babylon 5? Stargate? ALF? Red Dwarf? VR5? Continuum? Forget it.

Then there’s Firefly.

Mikey Mason, the least likely Bubba to sell a sentimental nerd ballad, wails through the 5 stages of loss for that ’02 Joss Whedon western/space opera mashup misstep in “Please Bring Firefly Back for Christmas.”