No time for that banquet? Fast food for Christmas, baby.
The Fast Food Rockers don’t actually sing about fast food in their song “The Fat Food song (Festive Edition).” The original is the old camp song about the Bell, KFC, and Mickey Ds. This mentions turkey, but envelopes you in a hysterical hyperactive British shock treatment.
The seminal sensation in greasy high mass foods is “Ding, Fries are Done” originally from the Robert Lund album Elves Gone Wild 2003. While there have been so-called “ghetto” versions [BLEEPED BLUE ALERT], and “rap” take-offs, and even an “old world carolers” bit, the world knows this from the Family Guy show.
For those of you easily bored, bread becomes a vehicle for meat and cheese delivery, a la the sandwich. Christmas sandwiches may not have much of a following… yet.
The Chris Gethard Show has celebrated ‘Sandwich Night’ for many years, and even goes so far as to compare it to the Yuletide. BLUE ALERT their “F*@k Christmas, I Wish It was Sandwich Night” is bellicose, but uses condiments. It’s a bit like ADHD filk singing.
Angry head banging from Metal Lunch celebrating in their own “Christmas Sandwich” way. It chokes me out.
A bit off topic, The Beacon Baptist Bahamanians mounted a holiday musical A Peanut Butter Christmas, featuring wishful Christmas targets like “A Peanut Butter Sandwich.” Kid fun–happy and in tune. Kudos.
Christopher Dennis is a bit more reverent with “The Christmas Sandwich Song,” a tale of the old world and this family’s labor of love. My, that’s tasty balladeering!
When it comes to Christmas, i say CAKE and you say something about produce that hangs off a tree.
Cake is fine any time, though.
And so is reggae. I know we just had a slice, but Jamaica Jam bakes up “Christmas Cake (In the Oven Baking)” as a dance party for the holidays and for the children and for the holiest of holies having a birthday. This beats out Adu Deme & Dave Azi just a dred with their more solemn “Christmas Cake.” (No cake in the song, mon.)
Punk pokery takes place under the auspices of The Yobs with “Who Had All the Christmas Cake?” BLUE ALERTThese boys are unhappy about the cake eaters who may or may not have come down the chimney. While we’re down and dirty, Swaggy G white-child-raps “Christmas Cake” in which this seasonal treat somehow represents his ass.
Hey, did that cake come from home–or did it come from Christmas? Red State Update has a brief reminder about how your eating habits affect your holiday bliss with their “Christmas Cake.” Miss you boys!
Sorry, but there’s a fine Mary in the nativity song that’s nasty as BLUE ALERT. For those of you (like me) who have heard, but never really got “The Most Offensive Song Ever” from Parker and Stone’s South Park songs, here are the lyrics and everything. No going back.
Well, i listened to the hip hop and i got nastified.
Courtney Stodden plays the female-empowerment “Mistletoe Bikini” like a stripper pole. She promises that if you kiss her under there it will be ‘sweeter than a candy cane martini.’ She might be all talk.
Todd from Rockvlogs seconds the motion with finger pointing (not so much winking). But “Kiss Me Under the Mistletoe” refers to a different sort of toe, a bit more dromedary in fact.
No between the lines for Junksista. “Under the Mistletoe” describes sexual activities to dance music. Kissing is a gateway position.
Now you promiscuous girls are gonna get it. Here comes the name-calling. Kevin Temmer channeling Ray Stevens with a rock cum country ballad “Mistletoe Ho.” Laugh-In it’s not. But catchy it is.
Tonya Sexton has posted a fun celeb parody revisiting crooners of yore. “Under the Mistletoe (Kiss My Ass Goodbye)” gives timely advice for the cheated upon.
Rap starts out as scat, right? Louis Armstrong? How about Koreans playing around. eSNa have a “Mistletoe” song that borders on rap. No, what do YOU think?
New the Pharaoh gets the real rap on stage with “Mistletoe.” Female exploitation ensues. And profanity. And carrying on.
Secret wanders around the party to make arrangements with his babe. “Mistletoe Song” is the softer side of rap. He’s going to woo the woman.
T-Rock dopes the rock with “Smokin’ Mistletoe.” It’s flyin’.
Lynn Anderson retros the CW with “Mr. Mistletoe” turning a harmless tradition into a suburb or lust and lies.
Lucy Hale (from TV) pops country with her “Mistletoe.” It makes me think all possible lyrics combinations for the subject are already used up.
Then I stumbled over potty-mouthed Kyle Dunnigan. His “Fuck You Mistletoe” has given me the strength to go on, or at least listen to more country scrying subtext.
It’s not in the Constitution, but USA is a democratic republic based on the fundamentals of capitalism.
Christmas has also been a bastion of that.
Sadly most reactions have been so caught up in reactionarianism, they fail to win by wit.
Sean Michael Wilson teeters through “Christmas Song for Capitalism” con brio but you’ll be done before he will. BLUE ALERT!
The Twin Cities Industrial Workers of the World shyly and slyly do their part at an insiders’ party, singing “Anti-Capitalist Carols” to the choir. It’s pretty violent, even for Marxist humor.
Toxic Socket’s short finger-wagging screed “Merry Christmas Capitalism” is a fun slide show, still more angry than provocative.
A job – “All I Want for Christmas is a Job” by le Ukulélé Club de Bordeaux (worst audition video ever–WARNING: CONTAINS MARIAH CAREY PARODY) and by Below the Surface (parole plea?).
A black president – MC Overlord. Ahh, nostalgic rappin’ times.
A gun – The Vandals with more punkish punk. Ian Yo Yo Yo (Jib Jab Brothers) go urban for the Red Ryder Rifle. (Still preferable to the ‘Christmas Story’ musical version.) Best of the range is Roy Zimmerman’s “Buy War Toys for Christmas.” Made Demento famous by The Twang.
A bag of weed – Common Enemy (BLUE ALERT). Hard garage rock.
“I Want a Blowjob for Christmas” is off key and drunk. Devastating Just Cause wants your affirmation regardless. And anal, too.
!990s garage punk informs “I Want Sex for Christmas.” Furiously Stiff never quite released this sentiment on the world.
Well, let’s turnabout for fair play. “Anal for Christmas” by Killy the Kid allows her to give to him (It was on his wishlist!). Jazzy garage you can dance (limp?) to.
