Author: douglove1225

Santa Jobs: spy

He sees you when you’re– everything.

Santa seems to be at least a part-time spy, and i’ve got the intel to prove it.

Of course Ray Stevens blurted out this truth back in 1962: “Santa Claus is Watching You.” But that may have been a warning to a straying girlfriend.

Stephanie Riggio for Truthdig (a subsidiary of Anonymous) clues us in on what’s really going on with “Spying Claus.” But you probably already knew that.

Completely unmasking the Claus, the ACLU posts “The NSA is Coming to Town.” Santa is really a code name for the entire department. Listen quick before it’s redacted. Or click the link to these guys… i’m sure it’s safe.

I’d rather think of Santa as a cool secret agent who finds out what he needs to by doing his job. Call me an old romantic, but Rosie Flores knows what i’m talking about. She redefines “Secret Santa.”

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Santa Jobs: ruler

The Pever Pan Carolers (as the Peppermint Kandy Kids) have a scheme when posing “Santa Claus for President.” that is to get Christmas all year round. I guess the Pres has got nothing better to do than hand out stuff.

Sammy Kaye and orchestra seem more genuine in their vote for “Santa Claus for President.” I guess we’ll all still 365 toys, but it’s ’cause he loves us back.

Kenton McPeake has more of grassroots folk take on “Santa Claus for President.” Here we have a political statement thumbing our nose at D.C.

Santa Jobs: back to earth

Being an alien is more avocation than occupation. And while rocketing the sky is a pretty cool job, let’s consider that great heroic calling of astronaut.

Let’s get past Tiny Tim, one of our pop culture astronauts. “Zoot Zoot Zoot Here Comes Santa in His New Space Suit” pretty much tells the whole song. It’s an oddity. It’s a novelty. Even i can’t find much to love in this mess.

Valentine Green sways into electric pop with “Space Station Santa” hitting all the right notes to make a funny novelty song. But he does it make it seem effortless, like he’s got one for any topic–just need a location… I’m hearing.. space station?

Austrilian cabaret singer Jeff Duff goes experimental with his warbling “Santa Claus is an Astronaut.” If you are reminded of Bowie, he has done his odd job. Jeff met him in Sydney and even performed a revue of his shows for years. [Consider his later mashup Ground Control to Frank Sinatra album, hoo hoo boy.]

But, if you want to get Major Bowie, let’s turn to the great parodist of our Xmas times: Joel Kopischke. “Ground Control to Santa Claus” delivers exactly what you would hope it would do. Strap in.

Santa Jobs: beyondish

If Santa is greater than man, maybe he’s extraterrestrial. He’s at least stratospheric with his sled.

Last Januuary i delved into outer space and already covered Bobby Helms’s “Captain Santa Claus and His Reindeer Space Patrol,” Pattie Marie Jay’s “Space Age Santa Claus,” and The Lennon Sister’s “Outer Space Santa.” Even better was Hot Buttered Elves’ “Alien Santa.”

But let’s also telescopically discover Jaymz Bee and His Royal Jelly Orchestra’s kiddie weird crooning with “Space Age Santa.” It’s retro rockets retro.

Bouncy folk pop blasts off of Youngest Daughter (harmonizing with mom) in her “Space Age Santa Claus.” Girl fun.

Elliptically relevant at best–but most listenable–are The Hollyberries (SURF CHRISTMAS MUSIC) with their “Santa’s Supersonic Rocket Sleigh,” Put the top down and crank this one up!

Or maybe stay in high orbit above Mead Elementary’s experimental glee chanting of their “Space Age Santa.” Ya gotta be a parent to love these kidlings.

Happy Jawbone Family Band marvels with their own brand of band noise what otherworldly powers ET Mr. Xmas might be privy to in “Martian Santa.”

Santa Jobs: super duper

Regardless of deification/defication, Santa does what no one else can. He’s super (thanks for asking).

Rod Stewart makes that case with his “Red Suited Superman.” It’s jazzy and middle of the road and oldsters everywhere will love the song.

Slightly more impressed with their own guitaring, The Fleshtones mention “Super Rock Santa” as just another way to name ol’ Kris.

Noodlin’ the poodle, Stephen Colbert reveals Santa’s secret identity with “Jingle Man and Christmas Boy” as they fight crime around the tai-state area. Funny, but don’t tell.

A real serial adventure of super Santa is a cappella brought to you by The Bobs (keep in mind all their accompaniment is vocalized). “Yuleman Vs. the Anti-Claus” is something i wish i’d written. It’s a bit musical theater-ish and brash, but ends on a cliffhanger… (tune in next year)!

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Santa Jobs: not-god complex

Well, if Santa’s NOT God, maybe his job is balancing the celestial scales by incorporating ultimate evil.

Aurelio Voltaire spells it out for you (just move one letter!) with “Santa Claus is Satan.” Despite some goth trappings, this smacks of children’s song. He’s having enthusiastic guitar fun.

Tony Martin similarly strums up the Santa myth (albeit with more production values) in his “Who Put the Devil in Santa?” This is ’80s pop turned on its ear, winding itself up louder and louder. A real showstopper. Testify!

Screaming and syncopating (barely) Toykillers lay down some club feedback with “The Devil May be Your Santa Claus.” Headbang on the chimney with care.

Those with a casual Christmas connection sometimes think of all of Santa’s multicultural helpers (Black Peter f’r instance) as Santas themselves. It’s NOT TRUE. But, to have some fun, let’s include The Bearded One’s head punisher Krampus in Rusty Cage’s “The Krampus Song.” It’s more folk fun, with a family style round of chords that should have all of you singing along.

Something Fierce lays down the garage rock for their rollicking “Satan Claus.” Now we know the truth. And we can dance to it.

Santa Jobs: god complex

Whether or not the elves can get behind Santa, we write letters to the big guy, not them. So it’s time to start thinking about Mr. Red. What’s he doing Right Now?

In fact, is Santa who he is, or only his job?

If that’s true, what other jobs might he have?

First of all, let’s deal with the all-seeing, all-knowing job: God.

A few artists have something to say about Santa as God.

Hank Snow spins a schoolroom spoonful of treacle with “God is My Santa Claus” either creating an ouroboros tautology, or refuting our original posit. Ok, i guess God is everything, including the Great Gift Giver.

Pearl Jam mellow alt rock the confusion of “Santa God” ascribing it also to childhood’s naiveté.

A little more garage punk (kiddie style) Contranzor declares “Santa is Your God.” Oh, i see, we worship materialism. Well, now that’s just social commentary….

Joe Treewater just covers his bases by confessing “Sorry God & Santa.” It’s a smooth unplugged folk play (except for the atheist digression toward the end).

Dan Hart grows on this symbiosis with comic folk pop in “Santa God.” Looks like they are two different entities after all, or at least opposite polarities.

Toymakers Local 1224: contract-5

The best song to individualize the elf takes a single Santa’s helper out of context of his ride along job and puts him into a love-suffering outsider’s dilemma. Can he find his true one through the window? Perhaps The Rocket Summer’s title “Elf Creep” will foreshadow the outcome. Coolest peeping tom Christmas song ever.

Toymakers Local 1224: contract-4

A brief mention of the unpleasant hard rocking of sweet harmony barbershop country singers The Oak Ridge Boys. In letter form, they ask “Santa Bring Your Elves,” but personally i believe you’ll never see those elves again. Don’t do it.

Warm smoky throated Pauline Lynnes may appeal to families with little ones, but she has a jazz siren sensibility and sexy folk fullness. “Little Christmas Elf” comes off half country ballad, half funny kid song. Tell me what you think.

Toymakers Local 1224: contract-3

At times, kids like to inappropriately mash up urban hip hop with the childhood innocence of Christmas time. “The Legion of Elves” is a rap from Robby the Elf. It’s Atlanta on trial for delivering gifts. Weird computer graphics.

Tomo News goes even more animated with “Get Your Elf On.” The elves here use spit magic, create product placement crap, and Do The Elf Dance. Oh yeah and they electro solve all the world’s problems. Creepy ‘Polar Express’ graphics here.

“The Elf Jump” comes from that unfortunate Golden Films about The Shoemaker and Santa. But it jumps and jives and has a 1940s good time. Credit Diane Eskanazi for the cool tune, if not the awkward animation.