Category: rock

Baby It’s Coal: yeah! right!

Celebrating the brattiness, kids might beg for coal for Christmas. Reverse psychology or sociopathy–you decide!

“Coal in My Stocking” tops the bluegrass list of Williamson Branch. Children want to help their po’ miner Daddy. Kids sing the darnedest things.

Novelty pyjammaed gramma Beverly Smith kidsongs “I’m Getting Coal for Christmas.” In it she belabors the bad-boy antics that brought about this quid pro quo. A cry for help, or for the cops?

Driving the point home, Ed the Dread repeats “I Want Coal for Christmas” to a lick he learned on his new electric guitar. Rock and–well, just rock.

Baby It’s Coal: judgment

The threat of coal in your Christmas stocking measures a culmination of your evils set on a balance ‘gainst your goods.

Mocking those with Christianity on their lips but not in their hearts, Delores Dagenals almost apologetically strums out the folk denouncement “Stockings Full of Coal.” Yeah, you better listen!

Also turning the lump of coal story on its ore, David Dondero folk rocks us the tale of the tormented trannie who inspires us to fling the middle finger to those who have purported this intolerant age. How do you like them briquettes, the man? “Samantha’s Got a Bag of Coal” only touches on a Christmas tradition without being a true carol, but please sing along for the spirit of the season. Thank you.

Born this Day, nineteen (Jimmy Buffett)

Celebrity birthdays on Christmas Day have some weird following somewhere somehow. So, let’s swing Keys-ward to Margarita-ville.

“Happy Birthday Jesus and Jimmy Buffett” is more fun than it oughter be. Rick Carter lays the blues to rock while rhyming ‘stomach’ and ‘Jimmy Buffett.’ Audacious.

Merry Criminals! jailbreak

No special release for the guilty during the holidays. Unless….

“Slim Tall’s Christmas on the Lam” starts out in jail. Then Charlie Parr picks his way on outta there. Earthy blues.

“Break Momma Home for Christmas” depicts a breakout by Three Day Threshold & Summer Villains. Hard rockin’ bluegrass defends the poor old lady from deerslaughter. She was trying to feed the starving poor ones, not take out Santa’s team. Sorry!

Merry Criminals! homicide

Look at all these presents i got for Christmas, i made a killing!

Kunt and the Gang roast Mike for drunk driving and vehicular homicide for the holidays in “Killed a Kid at Christmas.” Hilarious (dark) British sketch musical.

The same thing done suitably depressingly blues rock (Tom Waits-ish) spirals down with Billionaires Club in “Happy Holidays from the Taggarts.” What coulda been dysfunctional-family-brutal takes its time to ballad out a horrifying manslaughter. I mean really upsetting. Guess that makes it an I-dare-you song. Don’t look away, or i’ll double dog ya. (I happens to love it.)

Revenge of the Egg People have a bone to pick with Father Christmas. “Seasons Greeting Felony” is a rock party tribute to taking the life you didn’t want to have around. Ouchies.

Merry Criminals! crooked Santa

The usual suspects around this time of year includes one slippery red-suited sneaky surveillor.

The Mafia Guys moan a minor key dirge “If Santa was a Criminal.” Pretty cynical… wait, i’m getting convinced of his nefarious ways! (Many crimes enumerated.)

In the BLUE ALERT “Santa Killa” Dark Half charges Mr. Klaus of burgling cookies, jaeger, weed, and the coin as well. That’s a rap.

Wendell Ferguson closes the case with “Santa’s Doing Time,” a gnarly blues recitation of injustice. A flimsy folk take on “Santa’s Doing Time for B and E” has Steven Pugh entertaining/horrifying the kids.

Nigel Cuff looks at Santa and sees two things: B & E. Rollicking rock with a tint of punk in “Santa Claus is a Criminal.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzetLm8Rj3o

Merry Criminals! domestic abuse

As tragic as this social illness is at this warmest of times, attention must be paid to violence in the home over the holidays. I mean shit.

Danny Peralta’s “Domestic Abuse on Christmas Eve” is an odd way of observing the betrayal of the hearth. This unplugged guitar jam is all excuses and insults as if POV the abuser. This mumbling prevarication neglects even the mention of Xmas, which may be the unkindest cut of all. Cold.

Merry Criminals! larceny

Envy rears its green eyes this time of year, so lock up your Daisy Springfield rifles! Domino-masked nogoodniks are a-commin’ for what you believe is yours.

The presents were stolen! in Scud FM’s “Christmas Crime.” Lounge blues highlighted with some disco electronica. But they even took the dog!

It was the “Selfish Elf” who stole it all! A bit of the old Bo Diddley from James Leo Oliver pointing blame hither and yon.

Psychedelic rap from Splish Splash and Youngicewater twist the real out of “Christmas Robbery.” BLUE ALERT, or is it?

Lyrical pop from Ages revives the ’90s enough to romanticize “Stealing the Season.” The miserable ones.

The Screaming Thieves light alt “A Christmas Story (A Robbery)” with smiling slight of hand. Dig the picking.

In a strange twist, Bah & The Humbugs bear witness to some punks “Stealing Nativity.” Simple vandalism you say? Lord no, the bastard.

Barry Thomas Goldberg & The Ironweeds shred the soft rock out of “Christmas Robbery.” Sweet thievery.

And a Party in a Pear Tree: next!

Christmas party season ends at some point. Now what?

For a fun addition, Jethro Tull weaves a newage rock tale about the “Last Man at the Party.” It’s a rollickin’ frolic about the wind down after all’s done.

For my money, the best holiday song is “New Year’s Steve” from Fortress of Attitude. Yeah, it’s not Christmas. But it’s on their Christmas album, and Steve’s party is rock awesome. My hero!