Year-round Yuletide oddities
It gets worse. Those who break rules mayn’t bend to Santa’s edict of No Presents for Christmas. It may make ’em worser.
BearRon threatens legal action to Mr. Red Suit in his short pop folk “Nuttin’.”
Nomy’s “Merry Fucking Christmas” delivers an empty sack of ’90s techno rock to this psycho bad boy. Wishing Santa would die with profanity won’t get your many wish lists filled. Love the song, though, ‘swhy i gotsa repeat it. BLUE ALERT, kay?
How bad do you have to be to attract anthracite for Advent?
‘Passed out in the manger’ scene? Potshots at flying reindeer? Eastbound Jesus drunk rocks “All I Want for Christmas is Coal” in the most charming way possible.
Celebrating the brattiness, kids might beg for coal for Christmas. Reverse psychology or sociopathy–you decide!
“Coal in My Stocking” tops the bluegrass list of Williamson Branch. Children want to help their po’ miner Daddy. Kids sing the darnedest things.
Novelty pyjammaed gramma Beverly Smith kidsongs “I’m Getting Coal for Christmas.” In it she belabors the bad-boy antics that brought about this quid pro quo. A cry for help, or for the cops?
Driving the point home, Ed the Dread repeats “I Want Coal for Christmas” to a lick he learned on his new electric guitar. Rock and–well, just rock.
The threat of coal in your Christmas stocking measures a culmination of your evils set on a balance ‘gainst your goods.
Mocking those with Christianity on their lips but not in their hearts, Delores Dagenals almost apologetically strums out the folk denouncement “Stockings Full of Coal.” Yeah, you better listen!
Also turning the lump of coal story on its ore, David Dondero folk rocks us the tale of the tormented trannie who inspires us to fling the middle finger to those who have purported this intolerant age. How do you like them briquettes, the man? “Samantha’s Got a Bag of Coal” only touches on a Christmas tradition without being a true carol, but please sing along for the spirit of the season. Thank you.
Celebrity birthdays on Christmas Day have some weird following somewhere somehow. So, let’s swing Keys-ward to Margarita-ville.
“Happy Birthday Jesus and Jimmy Buffett” is more fun than it oughter be. Rick Carter lays the blues to rock while rhyming ‘stomach’ and ‘Jimmy Buffett.’ Audacious.
Out of the 1990s Santa Barbara college rock circuit hales Munkafust with their post-punk pissiness. The title “My Birthday’s Near Christmas (And It Sucks!)” is all the lead in you need to feel prepared for this synth-banger.
No special release for the guilty during the holidays. Unless….
“Slim Tall’s Christmas on the Lam” starts out in jail. Then Charlie Parr picks his way on outta there. Earthy blues.
“Break Momma Home for Christmas” depicts a breakout by Three Day Threshold & Summer Villains. Hard rockin’ bluegrass defends the poor old lady from deerslaughter. She was trying to feed the starving poor ones, not take out Santa’s team. Sorry!
Look at all these presents i got for Christmas, i made a killing!
Kunt and the Gang roast Mike for drunk driving and vehicular homicide for the holidays in “Killed a Kid at Christmas.” Hilarious (dark) British sketch musical.
The same thing done suitably depressingly blues rock (Tom Waits-ish) spirals down with Billionaires Club in “Happy Holidays from the Taggarts.” What coulda been dysfunctional-family-brutal takes its time to ballad out a horrifying manslaughter. I mean really upsetting. Guess that makes it an I-dare-you song. Don’t look away, or i’ll double dog ya. (I happens to love it.)
Revenge of the Egg People have a bone to pick with Father Christmas. “Seasons Greeting Felony” is a rock party tribute to taking the life you didn’t want to have around. Ouchies.
The usual suspects around this time of year includes one slippery red-suited sneaky surveillor.
The Mafia Guys moan a minor key dirge “If Santa was a Criminal.” Pretty cynical… wait, i’m getting convinced of his nefarious ways! (Many crimes enumerated.)
In the BLUE ALERT “Santa Killa” Dark Half charges Mr. Klaus of burgling cookies, jaeger, weed, and the coin as well. That’s a rap.
Wendell Ferguson closes the case with “Santa’s Doing Time,” a gnarly blues recitation of injustice. A flimsy folk take on “Santa’s Doing Time for B and E” has Steven Pugh entertaining/horrifying the kids.
Nigel Cuff looks at Santa and sees two things: B & E. Rollicking rock with a tint of punk in “Santa Claus is a Criminal.”
As tragic as this social illness is at this warmest of times, attention must be paid to violence in the home over the holidays. I mean shit.
Danny Peralta’s “Domestic Abuse on Christmas Eve” is an odd way of observing the betrayal of the hearth. This unplugged guitar jam is all excuses and insults as if POV the abuser. This mumbling prevarication neglects even the mention of Xmas, which may be the unkindest cut of all. Cold.