Year-round Yuletide oddities
Brother Strange hammers on metal to remind you of “Sweet Beard Jesus.” All songs about Christ are Christmas songs.
Hard garage from Samaritan bleeds into metal for “Jesus Had a Beard, Why Can’t We?”
Lesley Whore folk rocks the more approachable “Jesus Had a Groovy Beard.”
God must get mistaken for Santa alla time. So sings Elvis Costello in one of my all time favorites: “God’s Comic.” JC wants to know, what’s the deal with airplane food?
Cracks & Scars wield galvanized punk to vent their spleen about that “Fake Beard Bastard.” BLUE ALERT–it wasn’t the real guy.
The “Christmas Beard” that took over makes an appearance in The Hollow Folk’s basement rehearsal pop warm-up. Oompah oompah march march march. That’s very powerful jaw upholstery .
King Drive’s follow up to ‘Put on Your Beard‘ is “Put on Your Christmas Beard.” This sorry sequel merely floats X-mas phrases against an awesome light rock melody. I’m still looking for some kind of beard….
More movie violence in honor of the holidays…
The Blankok Brothers get carried away with racism and gratuitous killing in the nearly country “Now I Have A Machine Gun (Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho).” For all its ‘Merican patriotism it sounds foreignly accented. BLUE ALERT
D. Brawlins narrates a bit more of ‘Die Hard’ in ” Now I Have A Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho.” Garage rage with careful pacing.
Churlington’s “Now I Have a Machine Gun… Ho Ho Ho” is more appropriately metal. BLUE ALERT again.
Harsher metal from Weak Music for Thomas in their “Now I Have a Machine Gun, Ho Ho Ho.” Fight the machine… erm, i mean terrorists. BLUE ALERT probably.
Honor Among Thieves’ “Now I Have a Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho” is even more appropriately punk. I have no idea if there’s profanity in there. Better BLUE ALERT anyway.
Let us close with Dislocator mixing more rock than metal in their retelling “Now I Have a Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho.” The title of the movie is the refrain. Top that, Mr. Mystery Man.
Why do you want a gun for Christmas? Jamir Fork indies the answer in “I Want a Gun for Christmas.” Now you know.
“All I Want for Christmas is a Broom Handle Mauser” by Alan.s.Robinson is a festive folk jig about taking care of problems. Get some.
Jonathan Mann has reviewed Twitter and cobbled together the lyrics for “A Gun for Christmas” with some rocking folk. Much more entertaining than you’d figure.
Bradley Sullivan’s The Naughty Christmas Elves filksing their own creation “Apocalypse on the Christmas Tree.” Problem seems to be the cold.
Petra Hernandez recalls the Mayan thing again with her ardent folk “Post Apocalyptic Christmas.” But the joke is she posted this a week after the prophecied endtime. Take that, ancient dudes.
Ronson Kwon posits the holidays as the cure-all: Seems like the end–Christmas came in time to Turn it around. The resulting “Snow Globe” is a pitter-patter rap of hopeless hope. Festive.
For Aztec Two Step the problem seems to be warmth. “Christmas Apocalypse #12 & 45” is the slow rocker dirge over global warming. Bummer.
“Christmas Apocalypse” from Larry X-Ray seems to be experimenting with the fundamentals of music and singing. It’s verisimilitude for breaking down.
“Christmapocalypse” from cake face is electronic metal with a great title, but seems to only concern itself with the existential crisis of a boringly mundane holiday time.
Take a seat. “Christmastime in the Apocalypse” from Che Prasad is a mammoth undertaking. Seems to begin with a pandemic, but then zombies… eventually Hell’s demons take the stage. This pub rock is quite a journey. Impressive.
“Our Most Glorious Leader, Mícheál Ó Muircheartaigh, and His Band – Pyongyang by Christmas (AKA People Who Give Socks As Presents Are West Brits And Will Not Be Spared When The End Times Come And Our Parish GAA Field Becomes Sentient)” by GITrashposting says it all. And then again. Again. Again. Oh. My. God.
Figuratively, “Christmas for the End of the World” by And Then There Was One wallows in the disappointing times we live in. Sing-along pop that points out society’s foibles.
Clear and plaintive, the hair rock of Apocalypse Radio spells out “Christmas at the End of the World.” Get in line now.
“Xmas at the End of the World” by Teenage Kicks (Peter van Helvoort) is more gentle retro rock pop electro-strumming. Close your eyes, baby.
The Doubleclicks get more agenda-driven with “The End of the World” off their Christmas album. Global warming and trolling on the soshes don’t directly connect to Xmas. But it’s the end of all things. So, let’s enjoy this gentle pop.
Something Sneaky also neglects holiday mentioning but renders their “End of the World” in fine rock fashion from their Christmas album too. I can dance to it.
Wishin’ for Satan’s kisses, LEW Husbands (feat. Candy CurlsMT) sings it sure as Hell ain’t no one else’s business in “Effed Up Xmas.” Party electronica that gets weirder and weirder.
That awful breakup/resulting loneliness can make a “Christmas From Hell.” Folk whining by Matt Polsfut/ Mista Mat suggests you shut up with that small talk.
Jen Blosil divas the tinkly pop of “Christmas Hurts Like Hell.” It’s a celebration of the suffering necessary to be part of the season. I get it.
Black Friday used to be that To hell with the rest of them kind of time. Thursday’s Flight takes us back to “Holly Christmas Days” with fine-fingered rock’n’roll.
Traffic jams? Bad weather? BLUE ALERT! “Christmas is Hell” rockabillies River’s Edge. I can dance to it, though.
Using the pejorative as an emphatic, Pistol Annies swing sing “Hell of a Holiday” to convince you no holds are barred. Mercy that’s an early start.
Fancy Feast regales us with stories of mold in “Christmas in Hell.” Adorable garage rock without the anger.
The Tearaways American rock band one “Helluva Christmas.” You might enjoy their suffering, you Schadenfreude-rs you. See, it’s Ca-RAZY, dad.