The Rude Off: hubris

The ‘Rudolph’ song got as famous as the reindeer. In the annals of Xmas music it is Number Two of all songs. So, some took a shot at it (him).

I killed Rudolph–and I liked it! begins “Rudolph Burger… Hold the Nose.” The voice cracking metal from The Pork Guys is more defiant than murderous. So this gets only one shotgun shell.

Mighty Magic Pants rocks out “Rudolph on the Barbecue.” The childish innocence makes the mythivovre more horrible. Two shells.

Jesus Penis growls out the experimental garage rant “Rudolph the Red-Gutted Reindeer.” Ugh. Whatever shells.

Bullshark Comedy turns the worm with “Rudolph Shooting” in which the maligned venison buys a gun at Walmart. BLUE ALERT for this mass shooting ‘humor.’

Fortress of Attitude’s cowboy yarn “I Shot Rudolph and I’m Sorry” is an amazing genre send-up and gets all the shells.

I Shot Rudolph” is the country stomper about the fraud perpetrated by Todd O’Neill. It warren’t him. Shells waived.

X-claim: goodbye

Time to close out our interjection tour of holiday tunes. So long!

Lay was kind enough to submit an English version of his hit “Goodbye Christmas.” Heartbroken soulful pop.

Very high notes from Manuel Seal Jr. (feat. Morgan Reilly) also feels alone in the pop world. “Goodbye Christmas” is too cold for the R+B infusion.

More sadness from 5 Alarm with “Goodbye on Christmas Eve.” R+B says why you gotta do me that way?!

Whispery begging begins Gaurav Behl’s “Christmas Goodbye.” Then continues its experimental pop. Probably ends that way. I didn’t wait.

Merry Christmas and Goodbye” is blues rock of some serious talent from Los Goutos. Way to stand up to the breakup.

Put out, Derek Ariel Austin spins a yarn in “Goodbye Christmas” a folk ballad of leaving. A well done bummer.

Getting specific, “Goodbye Christmas Cookie” shakes, rattles, and rolls with love and loss. Holy moley, hats off to Armanwing.

Getting religious, Cowboy Jukebox wishes “Christmas Goodbye” but holds on to God. Tinkly country.

Getting personal, the bluesy rock of “Goodbye Psychotic Christmas” from My Son the Bum tells a story.

Procrastinating, Ohio City Singers roll polka into pop with “Haven’t Said Goodbye to Christmas.” Call it post present blues.

Jimmy Rankin flips the script with passable Elvis-style soul in “Don’t Wanna Say Goodbye to Christmas Yet.” Country maudlin.

Life After X-oops

Ever had one of those years where the calendar says Dec. 26 and you don’t know how it got that way? Me neither. But these guys.

It IS possible! The Martini Kings get all ragtime jazzy with “(Whiskey Song) I Slept Through Christmas Day.” This needs relearning, friends of Bill.

Kaz Murphy gets all cowboy with his regret in “Christmas was Yesterday.” Divorced dad unfulfilled promises sung in the best way possible.

Life After X-love prolonged

Just like waiting until the kids are grown and moved out, some couples keep it together until the holidays are over. Otherwise you have to explain it to the parents, and you lose out on couples’ presents, and you miss out on one last drunk hookup….

Authentic country twang (BEFORE 1970, y’all) from Terry Fell becries “Let’s Stay Together ’til After Christmas.” Heartbreaking, nerve-wracking, ear-hurting.

Raising the roof, Sweet Spirit wants to know about the continued offerings once “Christmastime is Over.” Will it be tokens of love? Girl retro rock.

Hooting and crooning, Datsen offers that “After Christmas” you can get your divorce papers. Just wait a bit, wouldja? Sad folk.

Joseph Bradshaw and Nikki Lane go full George Jones/Tammy Wynette with “Wait ’til After Christmas.” This melodic sparring match juices up the holidays with side eye and subvocal venom. Gave me shivers.

Wait for Love’s Chance

Waiting for Xmas means time off, overeating, gifts… and having an excuse to see that one you’ve been missing all your life. Get the Hallmark outta here, musicians!

James Collins plays in low key rock ‘n’ roll with his folksy “I Just Can’t Wait ’til Christmas Time.” He’s cool, ladies, ’cause he’s found a reason for the seizin’.

Pop R+B overplays the love story Sheléa woo-oohs about missing you while she “Don’t Wanna Wait ’til Christmas.” ‘Nuff said.

Stretching the limits of easy listening, soul lisping Mario J Brown sexies up the possibilities of what he “Can’t Wait for Christmas” for. Here he comes serenading with sultry snares of sensuality. You better watch out.

Empty pop spouts whole out of Erick Nathan (ooh, then there’s scatting doowop! And dance moves!) in “Can’t Wait for Christmas.” Bouncy, but i’m not exactly won over.

The woman-rock of Denae Joy is assured and folk strong. “I Just Don’t Think that I can (Wait for Christmas)” is bluegrass country with vocals ranging into a yodel. That’s good enough for me, i’m in love.

Yee Haw-liday: when is a cowboy not a cowboy

The term ‘cowboy’ has been extended and over-used to the point where every self-styled cool guy from a specific geography gets to call himself whatever. Twentieth and twenty-first centurions hardly qualify. But they still sing about the life, even straight-faced to God on his birthday.

A friend of Muddy Jack’s, Juddy Mac, has penned and strummed a number about an hombre that helped him when he had car trouble around the holidays. Wishing the good samaritan a “Cowboy Christmas,” he yippie-ki-yai-ays his troubles as if he were deserving of the assignation. Close, but no cimarron. Appreciate the talent, though.

Clay Walker’s “Cowboy Christmas” has screechy pop fiddlin’, but it’s about a day-late, dollar-short loser off the rodeo circuit who can’t face the family. Dude, i says.

Moe Brandy remembers what must be “A Cowboy Christmas” while slogging through Christmas tree farms. Good memory. Country pop sing song.

Let’s polish off the saddle horn with a last near-miss sentiment from Don Edwards. “Every Day is Christmas in the West” is thoughtful set of similes making the cowboys’ travails like your decorated front room. Pretty.

Yee Haw-liday: three horsemen

Iffen we don’t compare cowboys to Santa, p’raps we could compare them to three men who rode far to deliver unto the Lord some stuff.

Most strange, a one-act play ‘A Cowboy’s Christmas‘ hit Philadelphia in 1944. The operatic finale “A Cowboy Carol” featured three rangers figuring out how the world was about to become a better place right at a manger around Christmas time. Nate Tripp leads us to the new world beginning tonight. This musical is a worldwide sensation. Not so much here.

Riding the Range for Jesus” is a vocal exercise of some dubiousness. Of the many gospel place-fillers to choose from i’ll click on father son duet Byron and Slim Whitman. ‘Cuz of the yodeling.

The best metaphor for the wise men a la cowboys is “Corn, Water, and Wood,” a magic realism mirage on the December badlands. This is best done by Michael Martin Murphy. Riders in the Sky do a pretty, subdued version with haunting harmonies. Bryndle adds a percussive ethereal quality. But i want to feature Barry Ward and his rough hewn throatiness. Sounds like prayer.