Month: December 2023

Gunna Celebrate.222 Remington Magnum BLUE ALERT

Smash Mouth can sing a song, i’ll admit it. The ne’erdowells in their swing rock “Better Do It Right” beg, borrow, and steal, as Santa didn’t come. And all you wanted was a BB gun.

Party time! “All I Want For Christmas (Is A Gun)” by Pete Witham & The Cozmik Zombies is just the beginning. According to Neitsche he just deserves some fun. With this country pop, figger that’s a start.

Rapper say: Like I be shoppin for Christmas; I got a gun on my wishlist. John Cannon’s “On Me” seems more like an autotune bitchfest. BLUE ALERT

It’s all bad in “Bring On Your Last Existential Sabora,” an electronic ballad from Coping Mechanism. Life sucks, then you get a present. A shotgun? BLUE ALERT

Gunna Celebrate.221 Remington Fireball

Guess i missed this curiosity a few months back when we scrutinized songs about monsters. Extize extols how Christmas Eve starts with a gun; Guess the nightmare has begun when you’ve got “Gremlins in the System.” Peppy metal.

“Merry Christmas (Wanna See My Dad’s Gun​?​)” boasts the claim it was written in ten minutes. Guwange, however, gives us a thoughtful, hyperactive, short garage pop to challenge our traditions.

Gettin’ us down, Guy Clark is pickin’ at the ol’ gee-tar with “Queenie’s Song.” He bets you got a gun for Christmas, but that don’t make it right.’Cuz what you did ain’t shoulda been done. You son of a bitch.

Joybuzzard resorts to garage folk to melt away hopes, expectations, and cheer in “The Broomslinger.” He carries a broom on Christmas Eve, a gun on Christmas Day. You’ll see why.

Gunna Celebrate.220 Russian

“A Candy Gun for Christmas” by Niels Cremer takes a step back from the violence and rage and considers the psychology of toys and gifts with new aged indie-ism. BTW do you eat a candy gun barrel first??

…Running around naked firing nerf guns in the air is the least of the problems in the lite-metal “Another Family Christmas” from 77 Apes. Duck!

Two-Ton Santa warbles rock on the attic recording “Toy Gun.” There may be a lesson in here….

Even more atonal, “Bobby Got a BB Gun for Christmas” from Todds Holiday Greeting Disk spools out the escalating tale of a budding sociopath. Shouted folk pop.

Gunna Celebrate.22 Cheetah

Machine gun? The thugs in The Kinks’ “Father Christmas” ask for one (if you have one). Nearly polite for muggers. Classic rock/proto punk.

Caetano Veloso has a problem “In The Hot Sun Of A Christmas Day.” Through slow-mo classical pop we learn he’s being chased, but by someone who machine gunned someone else. I think. Wild flute backing it all up.

Against All Flags waves their garage banner “Machine Gun Christmas” like it’s the answer to all their problems. Then they switch to wanting a guitar. Whew.

“All I Want for Christmas (Is a Machine Gun)” by Henrique Couto is a mojo-nixon soundalike daring you to be offended with its pop sound. Cool.

Gunna Celebrate.219 Donaldson Wasp

More movie violence in honor of the holidays…

The Blankok Brothers get carried away with racism and gratuitous killing in the nearly country “Now I Have A Machine Gun (Ho​-​Ho​-​Ho​-​Ho).” For all its ‘Merican patriotism it sounds foreignly accented. BLUE ALERT

D. Brawlins narrates a bit more of ‘Die Hard’ in ” Now I Have A Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho.” Garage rage with careful pacing.

Churlington’s “Now I Have a Machine Gun… Ho Ho Ho” is more appropriately metal. BLUE ALERT again.

Harsher metal from Weak Music for Thomas in their “Now I Have a Machine Gun, Ho Ho Ho.” Fight the machine… erm, i mean terrorists. BLUE ALERT probably.

Honor Among Thieves’ “Now I Have a Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho” is even more appropriately punk. I have no idea if there’s profanity in there. Better BLUE ALERT anyway.

Let us close with Dislocator mixing more rock than metal in their retelling “Now I Have a Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho.” The title of the movie is the refrain. Top that, Mr. Mystery Man.

Gunna Celebrate.218 Bee

Somebody loves ‘A Christmas Story.’ Not me. Maybe these guys.

DJ UnEq samples catch phrases to a mix beat for “Shoot Your Eye Out (4-track demo).” It gets crazy. Danceable? Jury’s out.

Then there’s Fall Out Boy’s “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out“–a real millennial meh about the holidays. Indie about not wanting you, or home, or anything. Not about guns, just the metaphor thingie. (angel chipmunks this nicely.)

“Wrap It Like A Christmas Present, Or Yule Shoot An Eye Out” is an all you can’t stand buffet of sexual metaphors using yuletide terms from DG. Shooting must be… oh. Sloppy rap.

Matt Wixson’s Flying Circus punks up “You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out” with narration from that movie to some slight amusement.

RKVC musicalizes many of the memorable lines from that movie with some bompin’ club music in “You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out.” The title’s the chorus.

Gunna Celebrate.204 Ruger

I may have made it clear, Jean Shepherd is a good writer… ‘A Christmas Story’ is an unfunny, bland movie. Regardless, ’tis the season.

Cruel Buddhist simply mixes samples of the dialogue into lofi for the unimpressive “Red Rider BB Gun.” You’ll do WHAT with the rifle?!

Colburn Sound Express does a nicely hyperactive big band sound for their interpretation “Red Ryder.” Speak softly and open carry an air gun.

Radiant Radish gets more rock and roll with “I Don’t Want Your Tinker Toys.” Guess what he wants instead.

Daryl Girard goes down on the farm with his country take on the real wishing. “Catalog Dreams” recalls a time long past of shopping for Christmas through the mail, not mall. Despite the likelihood of hundreds of choices, we only hear about dolls and BB guns. Should cover it.

Gunna Celebrate.20 VarTarg

Not traditionally a holiday carol “You Can’t Blame the Youth” is Bob Marley and The Wailers’ treatise on societal indoctrination: When every Christmas come, You buy the youth a pretty toy gun.

And that, i s’pose, puts me in mood for gangsta rap. Slaughterhouse (feat. Weed) offers to shoot everyone for “Christmas Fun Time.” So i’ll lose the invitation.

All the hoods are here, spreading Christmas cheer, Handguns and wine in Big Bad VooDoo Daddy’s “Christmastime in Tinseltown.” Swing revival counts.

Gunna Celebrate.19 Calhoun Hornet

A song to the “Christmas Gun” by Michael Gross, Bryan Szymanski, and Matt Glass features ratatat rock and fatalism.

Valley of Love ups the Tarantino quotient with a slow-mo guitar introspection, “My Boy Got His Gun.” Christmas is the backdrop for this pending doom.

Angry Johnny & The Killbillies have graced our posts liberally–‘cuz they’re awesome–but we haven’t taken a moment for “Shootin’ Snowmen.” This soft country song about a rural tradition you might want to avoid addresses a strange xenophobia and the redneck response.

Gunna Celebrate.17 Winchester Super Magnum

Why do you want a gun for Christmas? Jamir Fork indies the answer in “I Want a Gun for Christmas.” Now you know.

“All I Want for Christmas is a Broom Handle Mauser” by Alan.s.Robinson is a festive folk jig about taking care of problems. Get some.

Jonathan Mann has reviewed Twitter and cobbled together the lyrics for “A Gun for Christmas” with some rocking folk. Much more entertaining than you’d figure.