X Files-mas: Jacob Marley

Oh sure, you got some Xmas ghosts. Can you ever have enough? If you had to name a Par-Tic-U-Lar Christmas spirit, could you carol it?

Aimee Mann makes alt-folk out of “Jacob Marley’s Chain.” It’s a great metaphor for one day at a time and other bothers of sobriety.

To explain that chain, Jason Alexander sings (as a dog) “Link by Link” to Kelsey Grammar (as a bird) is some animated Christmas Carol from TV. Dogs DO go to hell.

Getting reggae, “Jacob Marley” tells Ebeneezer what’s coming Christmas Eve in this ditty from The Benefit.

Majestica uses epic metal for their “Ghost of Marley.” That oughta convince Scrooge.

Bill Drake uses prog rock (metals naive younger brother) to introduce “Jacob Marley” to you.

Ace Enders & Nik Bruzzese allow Scrooge to thank “Jacob Marley” in their indie number. Triumphant.

Make Like Monkeys uses Scrooge to introduce us vis “The Ballad of Jacob Marley.” Seems grateful with indie rock.

Is there room for rap? “Jacob Marley” by Them Nights in Lago punctuates R+B pain with dropped rhymes. Okay fine bye.

Nasal country from Mark Westendorf frames the confession of “Jacob Marley.” We get an actual Woe is me.

“Ballad of Jacob Marley” by JD & The Straight Shot is bluegrass suffering you didn’t realize this sinner was capable of. D’you thing he achieved any redemption after helping his fellow usurer out?

X Files-mas: Gremlins

As the Joe Dante 1984 summer blockbuster film with this title featured a Christmas setting (and such unholy violence it spawned the PG-13 rating), it figures significantly in the Christmas novelty song offerings.

Aud Andrews kicks us off with a rocking “It’s Gotta be Gremlins (Best Christmas Movie).” If you disagree you can make your own awesome song about something else.

Screeching metal from the grow fangs recounts spreading the word with “Tellin Leo That ‘Gremlins’ Is My Favorite Christmas Show.” Say it don’t spray it (not around gremlins).

“A Very Gremlin Christmas” recounts much of the movie with the Furby ripoff Gizmo burbling along. Claire Idstrom’s pop here is decidedly downbeat, though. Take with a grain of midnight feeding.

X Files-mas: Golems

Is Marie Shelley’s famed monstrous creation merely a Talmudic throwback? The golem is life (human shaped) created by and animated most often by other humans. An Old Testament entry suggest this could be the progenitor of the human, or a blank slate for good or evil purposes. Like us!

Element Animation (feat. Dan Bull) offers up “The Ballad of Bob the Snow Golem.” The peripatetic night watchman is bad then good then bad again. Least it stopped that zombie horde. Cute rap against Minecraft.

Der Golemz offers bilingual “Der Golem Has Stolen The Stollen.” ‘Tis a simple story: Golem takes Christmas bread, eats and sickens. Celtic-like for a fairy tale feeling, but still alt-pop. And fun.

X Files-mas: Gojira

This city-sized monster debuted in motion picture form nearly 70 years ago and melted our hearts world-wide with its atomic flame breath. Rumors taint the icon as a rip-off and wannabe, but we root for him to save us from worse. He’s OUR monster. Or kaiju (gesundheit).

The Towels party up the place with “Godzilla Christmas,” a retrospective rocker that introduces us nicely. Escape to America!

Three Day Threshold dramatize “Santa Versus Godzilla” with kicky folk pop. Despite torpedos and reindeer attack formation, the Great Gifter seems outmatched. Then the caroling begins….

Reefus Monns ups the folk quotient for “The Devil, Godzilla, and Me (At Christmas).” This sing-along barely includes Godzilla (there’s also Cliff Richard, a horseman of the Apocalypse, the Pope, and a turkey) and seems an exercise in kaleidoscopic allusions. But, what fun.

While we’re weird, The Submensas present “Godzilla’s Gift of Life.” This BLUE ALERT rocks the figurative language so we’re not sure if the monster is paganism, commercialism, or just bad music.

The Benefit finally paint our menace in a warm light. “Godzilla Saves Christmas” narrates a Kaiju fight between Rodan and ‘Goji’ that’s keeping Santa from his purpose. Then, well you saw that title. Slow pop.

X Files-mas: Goblins

Perhaps a French version of the German kobold, perhaps a demonic mischief maker from a specific region, goblins may even be a nickname for orcs in Middle Earth. They get short shrift and are hard to take seriously as a category of evil. Wait’ll you get a load of these.

Nekrogoblikon’s album Goblin Island elevates the monsters into alien invaders here to kill all of us or at least set fire to our children. In their metal “Goblin Christmas Armageddon Part I” they unspeakably imitate Santa and crew to spread misery. [“Part II” is the species-cide aftermath where the goblins celebrate with a goblin clown. No kidding.]

Brokeback Jockstrap characterize “The Christmas Goblin” as a Santa-killing, reindeer-eating monster who mostly wants to go to the bathroom in your house. Metal rock funny.

“The Christmas Goblins” according to Elina Laivera are protecting the Tree of Life from humans. So long as we burn the Yule log, they won’t come down our chimneys. So get them trees, kids. New Age confusion.

X Files-mas: Gnomes

Gnomes may be a newer invention from the Renaissance. Little guys, ya get me? But not dwarves, and not elves. Handy critters, as the word gnomic applies to cleverness. They appear in Narnia, Middle Earth, and Harry Potter. And–of course–in your garden!

“Snow Gnomes” compares them to dwarves and fairies, but as crooned New Age style by Keziah Katerina they are so cute! And they give a shout out to Jesus.

“The Gnomes’ Christmas Night” by Tinsel Tunes makes kid song about these shy things appearing at midnight. Not sure why, just to party apparently.

Brent Burns wonders if Santa isn’t really a “Christmas Gnome.” His critical folk singing is pretty persuasive. By song’s end he throws in the towel.

Also amateur, Melanie Maxwell takes on ‘Fairytale of New York’ for her “Christmas Gnome Song.” Nicely played.

Picnic Day’s “Gringle the Christmas Gnome” is a Russian-sounding dirge replete with scoffs and despair alike.

“The Christmas Gnome” as sung by Mr. Scoops (confusingly, also the name of that gnome) will sneak and decorate your home. –Or make shoes? Then he gets into the booze. Not good.

Status Ferret makes a hero out of “Gerard the Christmas Gnome.” No evidence of his courage, but the plodding/bouncy pop sways me.

X Files-mas: Ghosts future

Dickens may have cornered the market on Advent apparitions, but there are other corners. (Only metaphysical–no metaphors may apply.)

“Christmas Ghost Waltz” by RW Hedges & Luca Nieri summons laughter and dancing in the night. Spooky waltz music like a maddened music box.

All Cannelle wants for the holidays is “The Christmas Ghost” of you. She trundles off to bed whispering with a tympanic lullaby for your essence. What could go wrong?

Drew James dreams of his “Christmas Ghost” and is revisited by all his past memories of family and happier times. Indie wistfulness.

Riffing on Dickens, “The Ghost of Christmas Present Gave Me The Wedding Present for Christmas” by Trevor Sensitive and the Locals imagines the true meaning of Xmas: cool music. Hypnotic indie.

Most upbeat is the dance music from The Ohio City Players in the form of “The Ghosts.” Sing, ghosts, sing!

Alt rocking, MU 330 compares the “Ghosts of Christmas” to those of Halloween. The wintry ones are too real, the autumnal ones too fake. Cue the depression.

“Christmas Ghost” by Le chat au café tinkles a cute stringy invitation to whatever’s on the other side. Cool? Gross? Doesn’t matter!

X Files-mas: Ghosts present

In ‘Most Wonderful Time of the Year’ we hear about scary ghost stories as an Xmas tradition. Apparently we did that before radios and TV.

Don’t believe me? Check in with Astro Al’s “A Victorian Christmas Ghost Story.” This spoken word yarn is backed with discordant anti-music and punctuated with melodrama. Seems like a Hamlet step-dad problem.

POV of the ghost! Aidan Moffat & RM Hubbert tell “A Ghost Story for Christmas” with easy listening indie vibes. A lover’s loss revisits and he seems unaware despite her decking the hauntings with love. Pretty sad stuff.

Missin’ their darlin’ Pine Hill Haints ramble a ridiculously good rant in “Ghost of Christmas Past,” a restless night of regret with rockabilly bluegrass.

Ben R and Drake C are “Chasing Ghosts on Christmas.” Alt-folk that won’t let love go, even when it’s cold.

Wild Earp & The Free For Alls admit “I Saw a Ghost on Christmas.” Turns out it was that lost love. The tango music, however, makes a game of the loss. Watch out for that final cruel twist.

The “Christmas Ghost” who visits Charlotte Moroz & Guy Capecelatro III offers gifts, but no wisdom or explanation. Her longevity, however, is impressive. She visits the same girl from age 5 to age 80 and somehow offers cheer. Haunting folksy pop.

Karling Abbeygate boop-boop-a-doops “Santa’s Got a Crush on Me.” The love triangle with Mrs. Claus tragically takes a turn and it’s Ghost Santa who will be visiting the home wrecker this Christmas. Defanged rockabilly.

Patrick Canning gets truly weird with his pop rocking “Christmas Ghosts That Dance Forever.” He’s the ghost, but doesn’t want to be around those other ghosts. Sprinkle his ashes somewheres else please.

X Files-mas: Ghosts past

Okay okay okay, ghosts for Christmas hearken back ‘A Christmas Carol,’ the Dickens story that restored his popularity in 1843. Mean anti-christmasser gets a tweak from his conscience so repents. No Jesus whatsoever, just humanness, then forgive and forge ahead.

“Marley’s Ghost” by Manual Cinema introduces the 1st of the 4 haunters with indie synth aplomb. Sad old tormented soul. Boo hoo, y’know.

“Ghost of Christmas Past” strangely uses ‘Hark the Herald’ to tear open old wounds. Majestica fronted by Tommy Johansson metal-pops the journey of redemption. Long solos. [Diggin’ dat? Check out the whole A Christmas Carol album from ’em.]

Also awesome is A VHS Christmas Carol with the introductory ear worm “I’m the Ghost.” It’s the Scrooge story updated with pop music anachronisms like we like.

New Age affect from the ever ethereal Enya makes “The Spirit of Christmas Past” extra spooky.

Elizabeth Chen fills out the pop with “Ghost of Christmas Past.” This is a metaphor for a failing loveship with only memories to bolster it. Sad sad sad.

Erin Zindle & The Ragbirds appeal to the “Ghost of Christmas Future” during the Pandemic in order to determine how Christmas will pass in 2020. Symphonic pop with an edge.

Dance time! The Yule Logs tear up the floor with “Walking with the Ghost of Christmas.” Sampling ‘Rocking Around’ they get caught up in the visitation and just go with it.

Comedy time! TV’s Kyle resuscitates Carol with his bebopping pop “Ghosts of Christmas.” Existential crisis! Will you repent?

Canned Hamm and Friends get borderline sacrireligious with their homage to “Father Son and Holy Ghost.” This pop monster explains the holy trinity like it’s a law firm. Hilarious.

X Files-mas: Frankenstein’s Monster

I’m not the sort to pick nits over pointing out the monster has no name and the creator does. You can infer from context clues which is scary. It’s Christmas after all.

When the monster wishes for a brand new bride from his ‘father,’ it’s “Merry Christmas Frankenstein.” Wm Matt Miller’s indie rock seems a prelude to some rock-opera, but we need to move on.

Lucky Tones smuggle in some comedy with misheard scripture concerning gold, frankincense, and myrrh. “Baby Jesus, Santa Claus, and Frankenstein” is the corny country result. Rather than magi, they figure villagers (with pitchforks).

Josh Reim combines precious video game style melody with distorted metal vocals for “Frankenstein’s Holiday.” Weird.