The Future: Star Trek (1)

Star Trek has perhaps older, less whimsical fans than Star Wars. And has made a few billion$ less. Or maybe this is Science Fiction (easily extrapolated from our current tech) as opposed to Fantasy (so far removed from our tech that it appears magic). Regardless, Star Trek has fewer Christmas carols.

This big one is a spoken word bit from a couple years back. Three million views. Linked to death (even i threw it up on FB). But Did You Know someone else (Ben L?) last year tried to match that awesome clip show with Another Trek Christmas Song?! “All I Want for Christmas::Star Trek Mashup” lands on that overplayed, overparodized Carey-thing with less dexterity than the earlier. Key phrase-clips are repeated, splices are frenetic, gags are forced for time constraints. But the initial humor is wonderful. Check it out.

So let’s return to yesteryear: James Covenant’s original bit o’ genius “Captain Picard Sings ‘Let it Snow!'” complete with his Kickstarter commercial for his yet-to-be-released video game.

The Future: Star Wars (5)

Star Wars is so original and imaginative (wink wink) that it simply must beget original Christmas songs–not only parodies. So let’s explore the few, the proud, the Jedi of carols.

With more fun than talent (like with me and you), Sci-Fried featuring Marc With a C soft-rock out to “Star Wars Christmas.” It’s not quite the Dark side, but it is about getting. And puppets!

Steve Yotch Crotch gives us “The Star Wars Christmas Song” about a simple Christmas wish for 2015. Amateur fun. You should  be amateurishly amused.

Zachary Padilla raps “Star Wars is Better than Christmas” because he’s got his priorities straight. And maybe he’s not Christian.

StarrySky has wrapped up a badly translated “Santa Vader” full of emo manga. It’s odd and dark and catchy. (I KNEW the Dark Side had the best cookies!) (Francophiles please to follow the directions at the end of the video.)(Then tell me what the noel is going on here.)

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So, obviously, the thing to do with iconic works like Star Wars is to transpose the canon into Christmas music: instant comedy gonna get ya!

Nerdist Chris Hardwick does his best with James Cordon on the latter’s talk show to sing a funny “Star Wars Song” set to ‘The Christmas Song.’ A couple good lines. Jedi Music Beats has transformed this okay comedy into a soso video.

Allergic to Life Productions has that old gag about sampling a made-up “Star Wars Christmas Album” to get you to buy it. ‘Joy to the World,’ ’12 Days of Christmas,’ and ‘Silent Night’ get funny-voiced by emerging impersonators.

Not as on the nose is Omega Film force with “Darth Vader’s Christmas Album.” Hey it’s hard to understand him!

Inevitable but not essential is Sharky Bushbaby’s “12 Days of Star Wars Christmas.” It coulda been worse. Ditto Skyguys Skygirl’s “12 Days of Christmas Clone Wars” which features the cartoon series. Newport Med Specialty Healthcare has an unspoken visual bit of ICD Codes to treat 12 days of Star Wars injuries. View stat. Peter Jones’s unplugged “12” is only if you want to complete your collection. (And Air Bear‘s i guess. And OCYG‘s acting out the gifts like silly boys.)

Some of these involve a guy and enough chutzpah to sing badly in his room to his computer. Welcome, Chronoman with his “The Force” set to ‘Sleigh Ride.’ He’s got guts and wit. And i guess a lot of free time.

Jessica Munzlinger (with Teryaha) throws together a “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Star Wars” with a retelling of the original three–and potshots at the prequels. I see.

Mr. Repzion gets basement fanboy with a scooch of talent singing “Jango Bells” as a tribute to how disappointing the prequels were. Follow the lyrics for a couple good lines. Don’t stay for the out-takes/bloopers.

Jango Fett” by Blue Mantle Media is an awesome cobbling of clips to sing the ‘JB’ song with character dialogue. (Inspired by a Star Trek ‘tube we’ll get to later.)

Not a fan of just splicing together video games, but a callow version of the same process occurs with xKoekjex and his “Star Wars Jingle Bells.” Worth it.

Marks Laugh’s “Star Wars Jingle Bells” is childish and over quickly.

Too young to carry it off, Nathania Otniela Wollah sings to ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’ with her “Star Wars is Coming Soon.” She seems to have lost a bet, but might be a great songstress later.

The Blonde Jedi does scarce better in her front room (swilling vino) singing “Greedo Got Run over by a Tauntaun.”

After falling into the bottle, she later sings “All I Want for Christmas is Luke.” Yeah, it’s about the new one.

Filling out her parody album, she then redeems herself slightly with “Vader Baby.” Nice, but she can’t sing.

Cindy P posts a fun take on McCartney’s ‘So This is Christmas’ with “Star Wars Christmas Song Reddit Secret Santa.” Trust me. Watch it.

Ben and Hannah Randall got it going on with “Padme Did You Know?” and “I’m Dreaming of a New Death Star.” Way to geek out… and by that i mean go dead serious esoteric with singing chops and nary a wink. Noel, kids.

Just as good is Vic Mignogna’s “Vader Did You Know?” (similar, but not as similar as it sounds) with full orchestrations and fun clip-storytelling. (Check out the Vader “Nooo!” from Ep III blended into the singing.)

Also well done is “Merry Sithmas” by Joe ‘Lord Bruticus’ Mignano (tune of ‘The Christmas Song’). Merry and dark.

Spike TV’s “Star Wars Holiday Commercial” ups the ante with some Stormtroopers donned with gay apparel line dancing to ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town.’ Winner winner.

Outstanding in his field is Luke Sienkowski from The FuMP with his “Star Wars Chanukah Song.” Beats Sandler.

But my tops is Steve Cavagna. With appropriately mediocre song quality he delivers  great editing and writing for “Walkers in a Winter Wonderland.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szPBFPaq3mE

 

 

The Future: Star Wars (3)

The kids call it mashups. I call it “singesthesia.” It’s that irresistible mix of tunes that get earwormed into your head. Because you feel the John Williams themes to Star Wars in your veins, you don’t need to hear all nine notes to know: ‘Darth Vader’s tune!’ But, then… when it turns into another song–holy fruit punch!

Side Notes tinker with their instruments and make “STAR WARS MAS.” Obvious, as they admit. But a good place to start.

Hoping to inspire high school bands, Jack Hopey posts sheet music with an electronic keyboard rendition of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas/Star Wars Theme Mashup.” Fascinating.

In a high school band practice room Good Vibes Percussion play out their little “Christmas/Star Wars Mashup” as well.

Next on violin is Chris Woods’s mashup including ‘Jingle Bells’, ‘Rudolph’, ‘Silent Night’, ’12 Days’, ‘Three Kings’, and perfect segues into themes. Virtuosoistic.

Sam Simmons gets into the spirit with “Star Wars Christmas Carols” while playing in traffic. He may have won a comedy award for this video but he relies a bit much on Wookie noise (& what’s with the Golden Girls tribute during the last minute?!).

The students of Solomon Schechter Day School come together cross-legged on their mat and sing the “Star Wars Hanukkah Song” to the main theme, and remind me what the holidays are all about. Aww.

Mostly i like James Griffiths tuning up the various themes to carols’ lyrics. Kinda catchy acappella.

The Future: Star Wars (2)

As an older person, i’m not clear how Star Wars is a rite of passage for the very young. But even those ancient X-Generationals are feeling eight again with a new movie release.

So one of the important connections to Christmas for this movement is the wish list from the billion$ of merchandising.

Gettin’ all nostalgic for back then is John Voelz singing “Star Wars Christmas” about the toys of kid-dom. He does a rock steady job painting a picture of adult regret. If you go for that.

Adam Hoek plays up-to-date as a creepy non-gender Jedi in-training with his “All I Want for Christmas is the Force.”

Adrain Anchondo parodies Mariah Carey with “All I Want for Christmas (is R2D2).” Her social media is strong and she includes dozens of fans lip syncing and dancing to her song. (Watch out for the baby in the Ewok suit.)

Skippable but self-proclaimed vintage is Toy Replay with “Darth Vader’s 12 Days of Christmas.” Too long, despite a few fine ad libs.

Kirsty Dawson gets all big ballad behind “Tauntauns for Christmas.” Despite the public television animation, i found this affecting. Gee.

The collectible to leave in the box is John Anealio with his “Millenium Falcon for Christmas.” This is the epic quest to fulfill childhood through toy-tie-ins.

The Future: Star Wars (1)

Star Wars is no longer the dim past (A Long Time Ago), but now belongs to the distant future (2017, 2019).

Let’s get the nonsense of the 1978 TV Christmas Special out of the way first. It was a cash-in by friends of friends who thought they were feeding the fanfrenzy (it introduced Boba Fett), but was disavowed by Lucas on down as horrible. All videos and music is unofficial and bootleg. Nonetheless Bea Arthur is the singing barkeep at the Mos Eisley den of thieves. Her “Goodnight but Not Goodbye” sorta set to the cantina music is the stuff of camp–hardly holiday. Carrie Fisher at the finale sings about the Wookie Christmas “Life Day” sorta set to the main Star Wars theme. Let’s move on quickly.

We need real Christmas music with a Star Wars excuse to sing. So let’s skip ahead a couple years to 1980 and the Christmas in the Stars concept album. This was a minor release by a label that made $ off the disco Star Wars theme then went out of business before they got Lucas’s blessing on this oddity. No second printing. Rhino Records resurrected  it to digital in the ’90s. (They say the cassette tape is worth big money.)

For an in-depth look at this must-have novelty Christmas album see the CBC Music article.

Most of the album is recited rhyme (sprechgesang) by Anthony Daniels trying to convince R2D2 the spirit of Christmas is cool. Standouts include “What Do You Get a Wookie for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb)?” and the “Sleigh Ride” rap.

And my own favorite: “R2D2 We Wish You a Merry Christmas” with vocals by the producer’s cousin Jon Bon Jovi.

The Future: Dr. Who (5)

The empire of Dr. Who fans ranges and rages beyond my ken. Many Christmas songs are decorated with clips from the show; many parodies of pop songs (no Xmas references) litter the internet; the skits no know end… but, to tie this all up with a tidy bow: we present the last dregs of Whovian Holiday Carols.

Lui C Acoustic sings his young heart out into “Dr. Who Christmas Song.” This aptly characterizes the average fan: a thoughtful, creative outsider who would jump at the chance to travel the galaxy for a lark.

Margot Vandersmissen’s “Last Christmas (A Doctor Who Song)” is a mournful love chant to a pop Christmas dreadful. Adorably amateurish.

Song for Ten” by Neil Hannon is not Christmas, but it says it is. Promises for happiness and love…. blah humbug.

Abigail’s Song” by Katherine Jenkins suffers the same complex–it’s from one of those dandy Dr. Who Christmas episodes, so while operatic it’s just plain about the pain of life.

Lindby’s “Time Wimey Christmas” is a fun parody. Danceable.

Zuzanna’s “Cloister Bell Rock” is mostly fun for the fans.

Jingle Bells: Doctor Who Style” by JaLynn TardisGeek makes up in sass what it lacks in sound quality.

Kanal van Puscherube “All I Want for Christmas is Who” makes mad filk uke-ing. More passion than polish.

Better tech fun (not that good… it is for Dr. Who) arrives from Yukeh’s “All I Want for Christmas is Who.” It’s the same parody but it focuses on the fan and her homemade music blog. It’s not festooned as much with bits from the show as with her own skits. Go fangirl. (And her dad.)

The Future: Dr. Who (4)

Not as popular as the rubber-suited freakazoids are the accouterments of Dr. Who.
James Mullins eventually sings part of “(I’ve Been) Dreaming of a Blue Tardis” and an opening for “I Want a Sonic Screwdriver for Christmas” for a bit entitled “If Christmas Songs were Written by Dr. Who Fans.” It has the beginning of promise.
The same and more of these TARDIS filk songs from fanzines (with lyricists credited this time) are sung by a shirty old bird and his ancient mum in “Doctor Who Christmas Filk Songs.”
A Blue Galaxy Project slogs through “TARDIS The Blue Police Box” making parody without making humorous sense.
Barely Christmas is “Do You Want to Steal a Tardis?” mostly by North Rory. It’s a riff on that “Frozen” song. Some masterly fun.
“I Want a Tardis for Christmas” by Legendary Noobs is a love song of regret and man-chanting. But us savvy movie-goers know that having a time travel device never helps lost love, ya doomed-to-repeat-history head bangers. Still, rock on.

The Future: Dr. Who (3)

Perhaps you’ve noticed some of the scifi color in the Dr. Who TV series. Well, the aliens/monsters sometimes have bigger fan clubs than the Dr. gets. And they get their own carols.

Strax, the Sontaran Commander, is bellicose and stentorian about it. In a cast extra, he bellows out his “Songtaran Christmas Carols” and it might make you laugh.

Daleks, by far, outdo the other villains of the show. Although within their trashcan shells they are withered abortions, they often come across as nothing more than spoiled, megalomaniacal kittens, don’t they now… yes they do!
For a quick pic of how Daleks celebrate Xmas check out John Smith’s (not a song) ‘tube “A Very Dalek Christmas.” Half a funny.

Miles Quartermaas uses the altered voice for a brief chuckle with his “Dalek Christmas Carol.” Moving on…

Basil the Dear Old Dalek” by WeTheSciencey is a wee bit o fun on Rudolph’s tune.

The Time War that destroyed the Time Lords and the Daleks is lovingly echo-echo-echoed by Connie and Connie to ‘Silver Bells’ in “Gallifrey Song.”

Trying even more hard is Zuzana Stolinska with “Trenzalore” (to the tune of ‘Let it Snow’). This Moebius mess requires a couple Dr. Who reference guides to follow.

Mike Horner’s Timey Wimey Puppet Show satisfies more with “Carol of the Daleks.”

But, in order to rock, witness The Go Gos back in the mid-’60s, who had a minor hit with “I’m Gonna Spend My Christmas with a Dalek.” Extremely exterminable. [The Modest has a killer video for their cover.]

The Future: Dr. Who (2)

Because the fab over-the-pond children’s imaginarium Dr. Who has gone through a dozen (so far) ‘regenerated’ lead actors, it has fallen prey to ‘The 12 Days of Christmas’ curse (nothing more banal than being the subject of that mindless, mundane echolalia).

Literary Ethnography does “Twelve Days of Christmas (Doctor Who Edition)” as a list of favorite monsters–mostly. It’s stiff upper Brit and a test of one’s patience, as it should be.

As a tribute to the showrunner, Steven Moffat, Sherwhovians has clipped together some amusing show moments with a jolly electronic tune running behind and ballooned some captioned comedy riffing on the “12 Days of Christmas-Dr. Who.” It’s fun for fans.

Trent and Brayden fanboy up their family room with a hearty “Doctor Who 12 Days of Christmas.” Travel back in time and don’t watch it. Or Kelly Martin‘s. Or Thecrackinyourwall‘s. Or theDXT‘s. Or Amy Rae‘s (better voices). Or Matt Shan‘s. Or Sarah and Lizzie‘s.

Yeah, this is played out already. John Graham mumbles through “A Whovian 12 Days of Christmas.” But this one is only about Matt Smith’s 11th Dr. As with the best ’12 Days’ he changes up the lyrics with each iteration. Smart.

The best rounds here are the ones that credit each of the twelve Drs. with some aspect of that character. Most basic is T.J. Jackson’s “12 Doctors of Christmas.” Apart from some daffy animation, each different day is merely the name of the next actor. (Even more minimalist is David Dunlap‘s slide show to music.) Most astute is Petra Elliott’s “12 Doctors of Christmas.” Each verse is all about an individual Doctor–only for the avids (great finish). The Brony with the Bow Tie tries his “The Twelve Incarnations of the Doctor” with endearing attempts at humor. Missed it by that much. Hope Spears does even less well with her earnest geekitude in “12 Days of Doctors.” Make it stop. Thomas Seymour compels cos-playing awful-singers to perform in their “12 Days of Christmas-Dr. Who.” Ecch. Finally more clever but befuddling is the excellent clip show to Bob Rivers’s ‘The 12 Pains of Christmas’ done by T.D. Possum. Each Dr. is featured ordinally but 50 years of tape is synched up (almost to lip-synching) with this funny business. Kiki Lnxwell does a micro-version.

There are no best of here as far as original songs go. So I end with The Order of Gallifrey who seem to having the most fun while embarrassing themselves the least over “12 Doctors of Christmas.”

…just pretend the other homegrown versions don’t exist.