Break It Up

“K-Mart Fighting” is a parody of ‘Kung Fu Fighting’ and i’m sorry i didn’t include it earlier. Santa’s Elves renders the obvious Black Friday scene playfully well.

That needs the followup “Kung Fu Christmas.” Johnny & The Raindrops merely add the epithet ‘kung fu’ to every aspect of Xmas they can come up with. Nothing goes ouch.

More parody from Lynskey connects violence with that one time “I Took Some Mistletoe Down to the Red Light District.” Popping fresh rock/pop.

Generic aggression from Headlights with a charming pop “Kicker of Elves.” Few enough lyrics, so none of your questions will be answered.

Not in the Face!

Nothing turns holiday favor on a dime faster than fisticuffs.

Wild Billy Childish & The Musicians Of The British Empire infuse enough punk into their “Christmas Lights” that i truly believe fighting is taking place. Prolly more likely just posturing.

Life lessons from Mark Cummings: setting the mood with light (John Denver-like) country the narrator runs and advises “Don’t Get Your Wife an Iron for Christmas.” Bodily injury looms.

The Yule Logs only want their two front teeth–that were punched out! On Christmas! “Bad Boy Christmas” is a retro blues/rock (parody) confessional from a nearly unrepentant delinquent. Danceable.

Get Offa My Lawn!

Property damage can be a felony if motivated by some of that racism stuff i was just trying to get beyond. So only break windows of people you don’t know anything about, kids!

It’s pretty rotten when it happens to you! Elfie of Christmas Workshop Band shares the pain when the “Dog Ate My Christmas Toy.” Experimental pop heavy on the electronics and amateurism.

The “Vandalizing Reindeer” in Flooded Cellar’s folk ballad go after the narrator’s car–with him in it! But it’s parked in the snow, and results only in a three-day standoff. Not so much vehicular damage here.

Tippin’ Over the Christmas Tree” is fine sing-along blues from Beatnik Turtle. Seems negligent rather than malevolent. Sax solo!

JINGLE JERKS punk grunge their “Christmastime Unholy Fruitcake Massacre” as a purge night license to unleash holy hell. Some persons may get injured, but i’m more worried about Mr.s Cantmeier’s front yard inflatable camo Santas.

Piedmont Songbag fingers Mr. Feldenstein as hiring the kids to go about Christmas week “Popping the Inflatables” for money. So felonious conspiracy to a lovely Germanic backbeat (and Klezmer finish!).

Discriminate This, Sucka!

Racism gets more screen time these days, ‘cuz there’s more screens. Always had it, always will. Talking about it should help, but i don’t see it. Golden rule, fools!

White supremacy has reared its ugly head before in the blog. But, there’s always room for one more! “Blond Hair Blue Eyed White Baby Jesus” is the ironic pop triumphal from Hunteroninski. Catchy yet troubling.

Dave Goody milks the humor out of folky “Santa Claus is a Racist” with hilarity like the ‘White Christmas’ song proving his thesis. No new ground here.

Luxemburg Trio belts out the anthem “Flip The Table” as a tribute to the Christmas family dinner with older, narrow-minded relatives (Fuck You Uncle Mike) (so, i guess, BLUE ALERT). Taking control back with more bad language. (This song suffers from concept album chatter at the end… go with it.)

Funny story, “A Kickstarter for Christmas” is when Daddy gives all the gift money for the kids to buy a racist hot dog stand. Great bluegrass, but a confusing lower economic social status here from Haschel Cedricson.

Chinese Frog Legs for Christmas” is more Salvador Buttersworth folk stumbling through his limited wiki to honor the buffet he can get on 12/25.

Cultural Appropriation Christmas” goes after First Nationers, Jamaicans, other Latins… uh oh–there’s black face. Cat Named Norris offers an uke-y olive branch to the lesser cultures… It’s not racist if I’m ignorant! You’ve been warned.

That’s Enough!

At the end of their ropes, these singers perpetuate the vicious cycle of nanny nanny boo boos.

‘Die Hard’ needs to get in here somewhere… so Dislocator ups the metal quotient for “Now I Have a Machine Gun Ho Ho Ho.” Sounds like they’re having fun.

Santa gets angry in ninjahedgehog’s BLUE ALERT rap “$anta Clau$.” This silliness is all naughty, no nice.

Surf rock takes the sting out of this vitriol! Make Like Monkeys catch Santa visiting and make him a hostage until he answers the simple question: “What U Got?” High pressure intimidating sitch (with a sorta happy ending).

Sticks and Stones

Bad words hurt and can be a crime. But, when it’s Christmas we forgive everyone mean-minded, bigoted, mouth poisons! (right?)

Marshal Keep exhibits a hair trigger in his peppy pop “Jingle the Red Nosed Halls Christmas Tree.” Brace yourself.

My Christmas Wish” is faux metal from James H. Carter II. Aspiring to metal requires a certain menace. It’s in there, with reason (stole his tree!).

Salvador Buttersworth gets into it with the family in “Christmas on Love Avenue.” In this folk strummer he actually does turn the car around.

Or Else

Moving on from misfortunes and moodiness onto violence means a stop at assault, or the threat of violence. Why so hard, man? does someone need a hug?

By way of James Brown’s abusive ‘Papa Don’t Take No Mess,’ Nikolas Marikos imposes a holiday strongman with his critical eye on you in the super funky “Santa don’t Take No Mess.” does that can of whoop-ass fit in a stocking?

Also bearing the same can, the antagonist in Butt (Amy Froggpockets and Mario Seaweed)’s “Cruisin’ for a Christmastime Bruisin’” offers violence as the answer for the alt hero’s BLUE ALERT intransigence.

The Fight Before Christmas” is a screaming argument as indied by jardinière. Use I-messages, please!

Jim of Seattle sums it up with his ditty “Have a Merry Christmas.” It’s honest and well intended.

Tearing Me Apart

A Step​-​Mothers First (And Worst) Christmas Ever” from Kristian Noel Pedersen is a thoughtful monologue about the woman who said she loved kids, then met his. Gentle pop.

Feels like it’s never going to end in the “Best Worst Christmas Ever.” Jing & Joc & Robbie The Intern rap the funny out of this homestyle altercation.

Under a Rock has a comedic chorale complaining about relatives in the bouncy pop of “Christmas is Terrible.” Nice ‘Nightmare Before’ bridge.

Through Means Through

Some might say I’m codependent, I don’t care, allows Brinkwater & Hammeta in their light pop “Christmastime’s the Worst“–unless I’m with you. Loving, perhaps, but using the significant other as a human shield for family holiday events is pushing it.

Migratory Animals go so far as to Blah blah blah in their “Happy Christmas to Me.” Well, it could be La la la, but this garage rock takes few prisoners.

For The Putz it was “The Worst Christmas Ever” when you stepped out and didn’t quite return by gift-exchanging time. Pop with a hard rock backbeat.

Toughskins, on the other cheek, figure “It Could be Worse” if you were here for Xmas. Unapologetic garage.

It’s Not You, It’s Mean

Breakups took up a month already (JUNE 2019), but it can still like Bad Times at Advent Heights. Worst possible timing or what?

Once In a Lifetime comes right out and entitles their boo-hoo “A Christmas Tragedy.” Tinkly folk that plucks the strings deftly, if a bit too sweetly.

Alternately “Christmas Tragedy” by W1GS layers treacle over R+B. Unused arms, phones, and mistletoe leaves us cold and alone.

An Awful Christmas and a Lousy New Year” is smokin’ blues from
Swamp Dog. His woman’s gone, people!

Christmas Gets Worse Every Year” by The Other Guys is decent a cappella about you being just a picture now. Reverentially churchy, but internalized. Could be a makeup session later….