Polysomnography: Lullaby.1

Santa won’t deliver gifts to your house if you– [1] Are naughty? pshaw, he’ll leave you coal! [2] Have no chimney? didn’t we just cover that?! [3] live in the Projects? we need to talk, you poor thing! The answer is– [4] If You’re NOT Asleep!!

One of the timeless proven methods to encourage somnolence is to sing to the wee ones. Rather than get to their feet and wave lighters, their response is to feel comfort and safety. Then saw logs. [I’ll be honest: i had no idea how many dozens of songs were Xmas lullabies! Figured i’d spend a week on these, but my posts for this entire month include only a fraction of what i found. Holy moly.]

A grand gathering of church choristers mellifluously harmonizing about why this baby king has no crown prolly wouldn’t put me down, but John Rutter and The Cambridge Singers’ “Christmas Lullaby” rises and rises to make its point. Hey Mary.

With a big holy holy holy lead in Danny O’Flaherty tenders his tenor simply to the Celtic mastery of “The Christ Child Lullaby.” Better’n church!

Jason Robert Brown’s musical ‘Songs for a New World’ yields the modernized hymnal “Christmas Lullaby” more about mother power, than sons of men. Solea Pfeiffer’s vocals soar into the rafters and beyond.

Christian pop from P.O.D. sanctifies the unplugged “Christmas Lullaby.” Gentle observations and homilies guide our nighttimes.

SOCKS!

Stockings can be worn on the toes as well.

C’mon back! Always welcome back is JD McPherson, here again with his title track from his epic Xmas album: “Socks.” Killer jazz cool.

Paul Rudd helps out the SNAL cast (with Charli xcx) lampooning ‘Christmas Shoes’ with the overlong (it’s funny ‘cuz it’s tedious!) “Christmas Socks.”

From a Canadian FM radio station, Gonzo Leite presents the parody “Holey,” a pop song about socks in the stocking. For reals.

“Socks and Underwear” is on the NOT-TO-GET list by Simplify Christmas (feat. Zak Stegman). Don’t worry, good ideas are mentioned. Indie specificity.

HANUKKAH Stocking

Say what?

C’mon back for David Real and friends and the funny rockin’ side by side comparison: “Your Stocking’s Filled With Candy But A Pencil Sharpener’s Handy.”

B. Musikoff moderates our confusion when “There’s Gelt in the Christmas Stocking.” Light pop with heavy consequences.

Padding out the subtopic, i’ll toss in this after school assembly fave: “Chocolate in My Stocking” by Shera and Luke. Hope it went well at the school thing, ya shining stars!

JESUS’ Stocking

What size did the son o’ God sport for feet?

Keziah Kate Gwenaelle begins with “Velvet Stockings” for her family before waffling about her BMI, then eventually asking for God’s grace in this warbling hymnal. Probably read better in the original Czech.

Jeanne Dennis’s “Stocking for Jesus” is that bent kind of carol where righteousness supercedes tuneful music. Holy moly.

“The Third Noel (Christmas Crackas)” brings out The Three Prophets [feat. The Maynooth LGBT Communist Choir]. Despite Jesus not actually getting a stocking in year 0, this social commentary mentions all of that with a sweet beat to dance to.

SEXY Stocking

“Stuff Stockings” by The Moby Dicks brings hard garage to bear upon the act of intimacy. Ouch.

“Red’s Xmas Socking Filler” has a very je nail BLUE ALERT charm without much stocking. Rocking, however, yes.

Not sure you got that? Try The Eggnog Crew’s “Stocking Stuffer” on for size. By song’s end you’ll know what he wants for Xmas.

“Stocking Stuffer” is Ocean is Theory’s sexy, bluesy take on making it through the dark holidays.

NASTY METAPHOR Stocking

Pick up that holiday stocking, feel it, run it through your imagination. If you’re a guy, it reminds you of something (and so does everything else).

Steel Panther’s “Stocking Song” is just innuendo (and kazoo) enough to raise an eyebrow. Metal up, boys.

Hey, what’s that IN “My Christmas Stocking“? Earl Green part raps/part country pops the endless double entendres for your listening pleasure. Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong….

B3 the Third dances around his “Stocking Stuffer.” But there’s a BLUE ALERT in this sprightly rap. Finally.

Scuzz Twittly’s “Fill Yer Stocking” is sommat better than the usual rockabilly chockablock with wink winks and nudge nudges. No BLUE ALERT per the text, but–oh, my.

Stocking of LOVE

Reach in that Xmas stocking and find some L.O.V.E.

“You’re All I Want For Christmas” is that special croon from Bing Crosby with the Ken Lane Singers and Victor Young & His Orchestra. It’s NOT Mariah. And he wants you in his stocking! Soft big band.

Country pop from Breckenridge Miles puts himself into the stocking. He’s “All the Nick You Need.” Confident. I like that.

“Fill Your Stockings with Some Christmas Love” is The Roost’s electric rocking take on Xmas cheer. Is it dirty? Not sure….

LOVE THAT Stocking

A fireplace glowing, a stocking warming (oh no, the chocolate orange!), a couple cuddling… it’s a scene out of a romantic movie!

“Stocking for Two” is an off kilter love song (show tune style) from Tracy Merle with a bit of a honkytonk push to it. Can’t help it.

“I Want You in My Stocking for Christmas” is a bizarre-o Dixieland number from Bobby Parr. I think it might be about romance. Or a funeral.

Luke Nelson is thinking of you when he begins “Stocking Up on Christmas.” That’s when you’ll get yours. Wordplay always wins me over. Jugband folk.

ABOVE THE KNEES Stockings

Stockings aren’t just for sliding across the floor to Bob Seger. Ladies wear them up to and beyond the bottom.

Patrick Donahue can’t wait to see his baby in her “Christmas Stockings.” A little rockabilly, but mostly country swing keeps this dude dressing her up with his eyes.

Crossdressing can be fun! slyly confides Lachlan MacLeod with funky rap in “Stockings.” Panties party, boys!

Wes Sperry wants what’s in her “Stockings for Christmas.” Jazz pop creepin’!