Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Elroy, Elvin, Elvis

Elroy the Christmas Elf” is a country bumpkin, a redneck joke. As sung by Mike Bryant, he seems to be an excuse to noodle endlessly on an electric guitar. Inspired by TV specials, however, Elroy decides to live up to his elvish potential and make some toys. Et voila, joyeaux denouement. (Yeah i don’t get it either.)

Fighting heightism, “Elvin the Tiniest Elf” tries harder than abled bodied show off elves. He saves Santa’s Christmas Day by reading the list after Santa busts his specs. Time to tech up, old man.

While i applaud the intro to the song proper–There’s no classic Elf Song for Christmas, Gee Dee it!–this drivel needs to live and die on a small youtube channel. Infants photoshopped onto elves playing and cuddling is pretty freaky deaky. Connie Prince has too much jolly by a factor of ten creepy twinklies.

Frosting rockabilly with country rock, Rick Diaz howls the story of “The Elvis Elf.” He also helps Santa, turbo style. Now that’s Xmas music, baby.

Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Elmer

Elf names that start with the letters E-L just scream alliteration which is all you need for a children’s song. I guess.

Mitt & the Merrymakers tell a tale of naughty “Elmer the Elf,” who redeems himself because they say so–okay? It’s got a lovely local western swing duo sound going on and makes me think of Gene and Dale. Not necessarily a good thing.

Frank Rossi knows a more helpful “Elmer the Elf.” This little helper will sneak down tighter flues so Santa won’t pop an O-ring trying to deliver. (Guess Santa doesn’t have magic after all.)

Our old troubadour friend, Dan Schafer, toots “Elmer the Elf“s horn. This little guy saved Santa’s bacon after he slipped and hurt his back. Santa, get thee behind me!

The Marty Gold Children’s Chorus blend harmonically in honor of Santa’s right-hand man: “Elmer Elf.” He seems dull, but can he beat that tambourine!

Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Buddy, Christopher

One of the more well known elf-types, recently, is Buddy from the fish out of water motion picture Elf. Well, like too many other sell-outs this got made into a B’way musical. In ran 57 performances and closed. It later played briefly in the West End, Seattle, and Halifax (where it broke box office records). It knew the end was near when it was re-imagined as an animated TV special with Jim Parsons.

Here, late in the show, is the pitch for a kids’ book to save the publishing company: “The Story of Buddy the Elf.” It is sung by Sebastian Arcelus and sounds like every other song in every other musical, right down to the percussive kicks by the chorus line built into the tune.

The Rambos cook up some Southern Gospel cum disco with “Christopher the Merry Christmas Elf.” This gets weird, gang. You may become proselytized.

Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Albert

The elves may be a faceless bunch, unrepresented and unappreciated, but it is possible to learn their names if we try.

Now some elves are only deputized, asked personally by Mr. St. Nick to help out.

Such is the case with streetwise kids’ cartoon mascot Albert the Alley Cat from Milwaukie’s TV6 back in the ’60s. (He was so cool he got to do weather reports for the local news for a couple decades as well.) In Jack Dublin’s “Santa’s Helper” Albert gleefully plans how he’ll help Santa without cracking a one of his trademark terrible jokes.

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-7

Eban Schlepper starts his “Song of the Working Elves” singing, then devolves into a comedy bit. After a violent, horrifying message about our own culture we get back to the music. Santa once again is off the hook: it’s the system to blame. We get the toyland we deserve. Skippety-doodle ding dong day.

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-6

We’ve already learned from Seth McFarland’s “Christmas Time is Killing Us” (back in 4/9/2016) that there’s too much to do for the elves. But in that version Santa is the elves’ shop steward and suffers their fate as well.

In Matt Groening’s competition, Futurama, the elves are now Neptunians who have it really tough even with new masters. “The Christmas Elves Song” is an appropriate round of everlasting refrain, but pepped up with merciless inspiration–i guess those menials deserve their lot in life. Think Sinclair’s The Jungle.

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-5

Dan Crow sings songs for children. He’s contributed to TV and movies (including the Big Show: Disney). So i’m delighted to see some artful agenda in his “I’m an Elf” song. Hey kids! It would suck to be at the receiving end of those endless wish list letters! And you better watch out! Big Brother Santa is monitoring your elf work work work work work work…. (I never considered the dry skin problem.)