Big Screen: Die Izzit?

Certainly one of the mysteries of the Magi: is ‘Die Hard’ a Christmas movie seems to provoke as much songestry as how much is Santa magical? Ergo…

The Holderness Family is still chugging along strong with their ‘Beginning to Look’ parody “Die Hard is a Christmas Movie“. Not much of a debate from this mom and dad, just irreconcilable differences.

Slowing down the roll, Litany (Beth Cornell ยท Matt McLuckie) takes silly sides in the soft pop “Die Hard (Is a Christmas Film)“. Sounds more like a drinking game.

AI smith Words2Music metals out “Christmas at Nakatomi Plaza” with many lines and judgments. I mean, BLUE ALERT! That’s a contrast from the previous entry, that’s what that is.

Jason’s AI Generated Songs (Jason Nutter) tries a gentle country ballad with “Yes, Die Hard is a Christmas Movie“. Is it a romance, though? Hmmm. [Given the fun of AI, he also delivers the same song with big band, honky tonk, jazz band lounge. Really.)

Seth McFarland’s Family Guy takes a ‘Silent Night’ stab at “Die Hard (An Original Christmas Song)“. It’s short.

Alfie Boe & The Kingdom Choir holler out their gospelly “Die Hard Is a Christmas Movie” to classical bombast, so it presents its evidence forcefully.

Big Screen: Die Goody

It’s going to take a few days to sort out all the ‘Die Hard’ as a Xmas movie business. We’ve been down this road before, so let’s not repeat any of our previous selections.

Might as well give David Goody his due. His musical “A Good Christmas to Die Hard” still has a few songs we haven’t shared.

‘Carol of the Bells’ gets the yippie-ki-yai treatment in “Carol of Melon Farming Bells“. This one is so gentle that the tagline profanity gets a Spoonerism euphemism.

No one calls it “Helsinki Syndrome” is a silly side eye reference to snide movie lines.

‘Angels We have Heard’ becomes “Agent Johnson Must be High” as a rap piece.

“Blow the Roof” is more quick filler, with sfx.

The outro, “Ode to Joy” merely plays music. Must be why i haven’t shared all.

As a postscript, “Sinatra Nearly Starred in Die Hard” peeks behind the production to discover who WASN’T in the starring role back in 1988. Jazzy pop.

Big Screen: Home Some More

Copping the intransigent attitude that somehow explains the holes in the plot, The Benefit & The Chinese Firekites unload “Kevin’s Lament (Did Anyone Order Me a Plain Cheese?)“. These are the warning signs set to tinkly pop.

“I Made My Family Disappear” is one of the big lines in the film. Vista Blue gets retro surf with the storyline. This is sock hop material, babies.

Colburn Sound Express pinpoints the struggling orphan’s checklist with fun kidsong bluegrass in their “I Made My Family Disappear“.

“I Made My Family Disappear” is more retro surf from The Home Alones that tries on lines from all across the production. Aaaaahh!

The Wet Bandits force death metal into their “I Made My Family Disappear“. Lord help us.

One of my faves adjacent to the ‘Home Alone’ nonsense is when Jason Bojangals encroaches on Taylor Swift with his “Blank Space and Home Alone” parody. I might be insane, indeed.

“Kevin’s Lament to the Tree” sets lines to the song by, again, Colburn Sound Express. This is his emotional peripeteia, so you can have your feels. Symphonic pop.

Big Screen: Home

The number one movie for three months 1990-91, this madcap comedy promotes child abuse and stand-your-ground sociopathy–but in a funny way. Good times.

To remind you of this unlikely comedy, Axis of Awesome retells “Benny’s Christmas Story“. Spoken word, tongue in cheek, because… Christmas.

This is such a honking big cultural icon that DJ Primo samples only a couple memorable lines into head banging EDM to get “Home Alone @ Christmas“. Add this to your dance playlist.

Heat maps returns with a greasy pop rendition of the “Home Alone” ordeal. Special notice is given how long The Wet Bandits will be locked up.

The Not Fur Longs celebrate with holidays with desultory indie, but then tangent off into Kevin praise with “Make It Home Alone“. Mixed messages.

Monster and The Family hard metal their respects with “Home Alone Kevin“, an introductory, and “Home Alone the Plan“, concerning the besiegement. Anger arrangement.

Fountain Dew recount the plot again for us, with hooting and hollering and appreciations out the pop song. “Home Alone” is the greatest Christmas movie.

Big Screen: Wonderful, I See

Watching ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ on the telly is a tradition many use to herald in the season. Beats throwing yourself off a bridge, i reckon.

Chad Serhal w/She Does is Magic whistles and ukes up the joint with the unfrilly folk of “Christmas“. They watch it, and i daresay attempt to achieve it.

Drugged out childishness with “Dancing Under The Mistletoe” chimed over by Vaginals. Never have the ordinary chores of Christmas sounded so bizarre.

Robert Bergeron gets garage carried away with “My Christmas With You“. Hollering and banging on the geetar, they really do watch the broadcast over and over.

Chainsaw McGee conducts what sounds like seagulls over “Dreck the Halls“, a sorrowful take on the plot points of our current picture. It’s Something Awful.

At the “Holiday Inn” Bryan White softly pops about being stuck, and there’s some movie on HBO. Suddenly Christmas isn’t so bad.

Wanting to watch this old rerun is a come-on for Danielle Cormier who feels “Merrier With You” despite the ASMR pop.

Big Screen: Wonderful, It is

This 1946 post-war black and white melodrama about the tenuous American dream became a Christmas classic when its copyright expired and television channels could play it for free in the 1970s. There’s your American dream right there.

Xthnru reminds us about the gist of this life-or-death feel-good cinematic failure in the quotey “Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence (Clarence’s Regret Remix)“. Yeah, it’s upsetting, especially, without the intervention.

Glenn Crytzer uses his big band sound to deliver the message that “It’s a Wonderful Life” during Christmas despite all your misgivings. Tepidly terrific, dropping movie clues throughout..

Robbie Williams (feat. Poppa Pete) is more obscure when assuring us “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Just jazz band hyperbole, but can’t help making the association.

A heartfelt tribute to the pain of life, “Clarence” by The Felice Brothers layers fiddling folk all over the succotash of bankers banking, bathroom stall graffiti, and angels’ relief at not being alive. Spiraling.

“George Bailey” by Carolyn Sills is awesome cowboy pop that takes Mary’s side and slams out a love ballad. That’s what that movie’s about, kids.

Big Screen: Hallmark Still

“First Married Christmas” from CityBeach has all the class of Hallmark movies, including cuddling up and watching Hallmark movies. Wishy washy pop.

Metal pop ramps up the expectations, but Theory of a Deadman leans into “Missing You This Christmas” includes boogie B.S. like sweaters and Hallmark movies like any ‘burbanite would get behind. Headscratching now.

More apropos, swinging light big band “When Christmas Comes Around” puts Cody Fry in the right demographic for Watching hallmark movies all night long. Bippedy boo.

On his “Christmas List” Young Tuck settles for middle class mores as well. Snuggling seems to be the correct attitude for catching up on Hallmark movies… Or we can watch Die Hard or Elf(!). More R+B lyrical rap.

Warren Alfvin sloshes the easy listening all over “It’s a Hallmark Movie Day!“, describing the settings of both the protagonists as well as the viewers. Oxymoron of the day: I’m a Hallmark movie man.

On the other channel, Hallmark movies are for wallowing. See “Christmas For One” by Haylee Oller, so softly folded that the ukulele drowns out her (sub)vocals.

Big Screen: Hallmark Already

“Into Christmas” for JOYWIRE means Hallmark Channel movies on replay. This pop rocker has an infectious beat that supersedes their taste. So, uh hunh.

Wonderstate’s “Covered in Love” compares Hallmark movies to reality when Christmas chaos ensues. It’s a low bar, but there you are. Soft country pop.

“You, Me & Hallmark Christmas Movies” by Jason Michael also blurs the lines with his crazy, crazy romantic roller coaster of a holiday. Country slurred pop.

She tries to escape the big cityscape begins “Like A Hallmark Movie” and thus does Austin Martinez reveal the secret formula to the perpetual motion machine. Garage rock.

“Tangerine Christmas” brought to you be Donny & the Bunnies is an odd duck of a holiday celebration, with desserts and cookies hanging on trees, and Hallmark movies on TV. But the gentle pop enlightens us. We were all the hummingbirds rac(ing) around the palm trees. Each one of us.

Big Screen: Post Solstice Projections

“Long Last Lovin’” allows DATKIDT (feat. Miss Polenisia & Toa) to love all over Xmas. Including Watching old Christmas movies. Slack guitar pop.

“Don’t Stop The Jingle” insists Jeffery DX with some krumping jump blues backing his rap. Cookies and movies? Check! Can’t stop it!

Cheesy pop from Hilary Duff delineates “When the Snow Comes Down in Tinseltown“. Movies and merriment? Who knew?? Make it stop.

“Tinsel Town” by SHeDAISY is more straightforward irony smushing Hollywood’s values with Christmas’s morals. Sprightly country pop.

“Karaoke In a Bar” seems to be the antidote for those Christmas movies playing over the taps. Tara Thompson girlies her way through this depressed country bummer. Anti-Christmas?

Big Screen: Yutletide Silver Screen

Francesca Castro returns us to the thrilling days of the pandemic in her R+B “Santa’s Gotta Stay Home“. Movies aren’t a problem at least. Making a meal of these lyrics is.

Putting the meh in meh-ry Xmas, Eleni and the Uprising millennially rock “Chilly“. Movies put the numbness on hold, briefly. Bleak.

Holly Berry can no longer stomach those films “This Christmas“, ‘cuz you’re not there. Minimalistic R+B to tug at your feels.

Mommy said we could Watch Christmas movies, maintain the children while dad partakes of a “Christmas Cup of Cheer“. Then another. What’s in the cup, Daddy? wonders this sloshy pop of an experimental number. Messages are questioned.