Wrap the Rainbow: (caucasian) white

White, as with all colors (and it is all colors in a light sense), means more than hue. Here it means power. A power that does not allow for others. Or ruins everything for its own selfish gain.

Tom Latourette responds to Fox News’ Megyn Kelly averring that “Santa Claus MUST be White” with appropriate lounge lizard style. Hey!

And then Lauren Mayer gets irving berliner with “(Megan Kelly’s Dreaming of a) White Christmas.” A homey singalong reminiscent of the opening of All in the Family.

Chiming in also are the drag cappella group Kinsey Sicks with “I’m Dreaming of a White Santa.” Well, of course you are with your daddy issues, dear.

Going pop country protest on the same topic, Greg Gower sings “Christmas White.” It’s catchy and only mildly angry. What musical fun!

Tweaking racism, Sean Hardin and Jared Mathis play the WASP rap game for the holidays in “White Boy Christmas.” They do know making fun of Caucasian ignorance foments the differences–don’t they?

This, sadly, leads us to the inevitable “White Trash Christmas” made a big deal by Bob Rivers. No redneck joke was left unturned. An actual white trash version is posted by Ryley Olsen. Laff trax! Exploding sound effects! More fun (with a Louisiana twist) is “White Trash Christmas” as posted by don’tlOOkback’s channel. Austin Church goes seriously gravelly country as if he had a message the liberals needed heedin’ with “Another White Trash Christmas.”

More on point, The Jody Dean Singers (as featured on KLUV) parody Wild Cherry with “Play that Christmas Music, White Boy.” It’s mass market radio humor like you like it! Satire about the whole culture of Christmas.

Manger Management: Avian Maria (2)

Turkeys come and turkeys go, but the Christmas goose was historically more important to the solstice table. Turns out, geese and ducks are not so easily domesticated and forage hither and yon. More importantly, they start putting on the fat when it gets icy–and that’s the part you want to eat to survive a frosty Winter.

The trad you might remember is “Christmas is Coming (The Goose is Getting Fat).” This is an underplayed carol, so we’ll notice a couple fun versions; one with a folksy almost-Caribbean rondele rhythm from the Muppets, one a ’70s bit o’ fun by The Manhattan Transfer, one multi-dimensionally millennialism by Jon Kennedy from those groovy Reindeer Room albums.

Fat geese have an option according to Johnny Bower (and the Rinky Dinks). “Honky the Christmas Goose” gets musical, and of course helps Santa. That’s always a guaranteed way out.

That tasty dish of goose as a special treat around the holidays is ages old as evidenced by Kate Rusby’s “Christmas Goose,” a rollicking barn burner. The same tune by Katherine Noyes smacks of old country sufferings and blessings and class struggle. Merry & Olde!

The Korn Kobblers cornered the cornball backhills cornpone back in the ’40s (Spike Jones by then had lost his Homer AND his Jethro and their art form while solo (duo?) was too polished to be truly corny) and show it with their “Don’t Give Me No Goose for Christmas.” Grandma’s got some hands on her!

But you chust haff to check out Stan Boreson & Doug Setterberg whooping it up (with the same lowbrow humor) (yet updated to Anne Murray levels of parody) with “Christmas Goose (Snowbird).”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y8y6qsg_JI

The Future: Star Wars (3)

The kids call it mashups. I call it “singesthesia.” It’s that irresistible mix of tunes that get earwormed into your head. Because you feel the John Williams themes to Star Wars in your veins, you don’t need to hear all nine notes to know: ‘Darth Vader’s tune!’ But, then… when it turns into another song–holy fruit punch!

Side Notes tinker with their instruments and make “STAR WARS MAS.” Obvious, as they admit. But a good place to start.

Hoping to inspire high school bands, Jack Hopey posts sheet music with an electronic keyboard rendition of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas/Star Wars Theme Mashup.” Fascinating.

In a high school band practice room Good Vibes Percussion play out their little “Christmas/Star Wars Mashup” as well.

Next on violin is Chris Woods’s mashup including ‘Jingle Bells’, ‘Rudolph’, ‘Silent Night’, ’12 Days’, ‘Three Kings’, and perfect segues into themes. Virtuosoistic.

Sam Simmons gets into the spirit with “Star Wars Christmas Carols” while playing in traffic. He may have won a comedy award for this video but he relies a bit much on Wookie noise (& what’s with the Golden Girls tribute during the last minute?!).

The students of Solomon Schechter Day School come together cross-legged on their mat and sing the “Star Wars Hanukkah Song” to the main theme, and remind me what the holidays are all about. Aww.

Mostly i like James Griffiths tuning up the various themes to carols’ lyrics. Kinda catchy acappella.

Rock Parodies Made Merry: “Oddity”

1970’s “Space Oddity” was David Bowie’s first chart hit. A subsequent US album got named for it. It’s as much about drugs as it is about Kubrick’s ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’ (which is as much about drugs–mind expansion–as about space travel). Some will argue Mr. Jones’s music is not technically ‘rock.’ But i argue those who listened to the branchings of rock (be it progressive, psychedelia, metal…) listened to this.

Joel Kopischke makes some dang funny yule parodies. He’s done voice over for commercials and jingles as well. Since 2005 his comedy albums jingle my bells. Back then was “I Got Yule, Babe.” Now it’s “Ground Control to Santa Claus.”

Rock Parodies Made Merry: “Believer”

Confession time. I watched ‘The Monkees’ TV show every week. I was 10. It appealed to the iconoclast rebel in me. It barely fazed me to learn later that they were a corporate formula, a formulaic band designed by committee with songs bought from legitimately contracted musicians. They rocked. “I’m a Believer” was Micky Dolenz’s 1966 anthem about gettin’ some. He was the dumb drummer and rarely got paired romantically during the sitcom’s hijinx. Go Mickey D! I’m in your corner! (The Neil Diamond penned danceable–he’d already recorded it–became, for The Monkees, the biggest selling record of 1967. And it came out right around Christmas.)

And, yeah–this is pop. Not really rock. Go take out your tree or something, ok?

The Mistletones is a who’s-that a cappella group from the ’90s who suddenly went parodical in 2012 with their witty album Naughty and Nice. Sadly their attempt to orchestrate their funny takes on pop songs included only hand-bells. Musically these are a bit off. But a big Jingle for Effort, guys. “I’m a Believer.”

Rock Parodies Made Merry: “Vibrations”

Disturbed genius Brian Wilson released “Good Vibrations” with his Beach Boys in late 1966 as a single. It explored extra sensory connections with girls (or was written on/about drugs) and rocked a theremin. It’s an overplayed classic/cliche that broke ground back in the day. It was difficult to dance to, so later we called it progressive rock.

Bob Rivers was a kooky DJ in New England who masterminded stunts like staying on air for 11 days to protest an Orioles’ losing streak. (He got fired for his parody song ‘Hyundai, Hyundai’ [cf. The Mamas and Papas ‘Monday, Monday’] because of the protests of a sponsor.) Once in Seattle he began his career of funny Christmas song parodies over several albums. He’s not the only DJ to do this, folks! But he’s good at it.

So check out his ‘paro-deus’ “Decorations.” I know you’re getting tired of them and dreading the take down….

Rock Parodies Made Merry: “19th”

The 1966 #1 hit from the ‘Stones (not Fred and Barney), “19th Nervous Breakdown” is perhaps best known from The Minions Movie of 2015. This ‘joke song’ written by Jagger and tuned up by Keith Rickards explains their mental state after touring the USA. Ha, millions of ha.

Our version today is by The ’60s Invasion, entitled “Here Comes Rudolph.” If you haven’t heard of these guys, you haven’t been to too many Long Island boomers’ parties. They are a big deal old timey rock cover band. And their sense of Xmas humor deserves your consideration.

Rock Parodies Made Merry: “Nowhere”

It’s Kwanzaa!

It’s Boxing Day!

It’s beginning to look less like Christmas.

So, to cool down from yule town, please peruse with me some classic Rock ‘n’ Roll hits sung with a holiday theme. Some of this stuff is pretty fun, and it certainly clears the head of the tune from ‘Jingle Bells.’

First up, The Beatles’ well seemed to run dry during the rock renaissance that was 1965. In order to fill an album, John Lennon wrote “Nowhere Man” in honor of not having any ideas. (Although Paul hinted it was about John’s crappy marriage.) (Hey, we used to say it was about Nixon.)

The Ineffective Subdefectives have come and gone from my internet, so let’s mine their old fun with “Big Fat Man.” Man, that’s some merry meatball!

Chanukah Eight the Hard Way

Put down that klezmer, slow down that dreidel… it’s time for funny! (And some a cappella.)

Purposing a perfectly passable pop song for holiday humor curls my ribbons and puts the finishing touches on my package. I call that a parodeus.

Here are some clever Semitic parodeuses:
Hanukkah Hey Ya!” by Smooth-E,
Chanukah Rock of Ages” by AISH,
Chanukah (Shake it Off)” by Six13,
Chanukah Makes You Jewtiful” by Jew Direction,
All About that Neis” The Maccabeats,
and maybe even “Chanukah Honey” by Rachel Bloom.
Oh yeah, and then there’s the Shlomones doing “The Rocky Hora Hanukkah Song.” Ha ha Ha!
But now our featured presentation: Here are members of The Flying Karamzov Brothers, The Bobs, Rockapella, and Blue Jupiter with a great Chanukah concert piece, “Eight Days a Week.”

State Five: Rhode Island

FIFTY STATES OF ‘MERICA-MAS
You might need to skip this one. I nearly gave up on Rhode Island. I mean: Family Guy–where is it?!
But I found a tangential Wintery kind of thing. In early 2015 the Moses Brown School outside of Providence was closed for a snow day or two or ten (that was the East Coast Super Storm, remember?)…  and not going to school is a Christmas-type activity, right?
Well, the announcement for the closure went out as an attachment on e-mails and everyone loved it. It played the national morning shows as an Awww, Look At That moment. So here is Head of Moses Brown School, Matt Glendinning, singing “School is Closed.”
Don’t you wish you had a principal like him?