HATE Xmas.27

And then, tragedy. Bad things happens all year round. When associated with 12/25, Christmas stinks.

Such a tale of woe from The Bob and Tom Show, “I Hate Christmas” is the fate worse than death. But funny, y’know. BLUE ALERT

Perhaps this is the end of a particularly abominable year. David Lea descends into madness with his “Happy Christmas” pop celebration. Don’t you go that way. Not you.

Set It Off overreacts to the extreme with “This Christmas (I’ll Burn It to the Ground).” ‘Tis the season to kill them all. Lively melodic punk.

Death to the World” has been on the blog before. H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society knows how to hate on Christmas. Submit.

Back to the goons of Something Awful. Thaumocrates delivers “Last Christmas”–not as nostalgic Wham! whimsy, but as the ever lovin’ Armageddon. No more Christmasses–that’s all, folks! Experimental psychedelia over ‘Carol of the Bells.’

Don We Now: Sweaters

Christmas sweaters… there’s good, there’s bad. Discuss.

Classic folk often itemizes ad nauseum some overwrought business (lots of lyrics). So Kirmas Kookies get verbal with their old school “Lovely Christmas Sweater.” Left-handed complimenting.

Make it a contest! Deidre Flint (get this) gets ‘Rawhide” with the office rules and restrictions over who can wear what when. “The Christmas Sweater” is always closing.

Schoolkid musical number from Hal Leaonard Music “My Christmas Sweater” calls the thing ‘atrocious,’ but falls in love with it. Oh, yeah: Beauty and the Beast! Pop by way of classic RnR.

Also chorally juvenile, “Ugly Christmas Sweater” is so peppy fun that the epithet is a term of endearment. Thanks to Jill Gallina for making it okay for kids to name call.

One more childish back and forth: could that be Plank Road Publishing (Ed. note: how embarassing, it’s John Riggi (Music K-8)) for “Ugly Sweater“? It might be Puccini. Grand stuff.

A secret love affair for The Yule Lads’ “Christmas Sweater.” Motown jazz rock randomizes their psychedelic love affair with this wearable.

Don We Now: what a dog does that a man steps into


Undressing comes later, but 2 Live Jews tweak ‘Santa Coming to Town’ with decades old topical celebrity burns in “Don’t Get Caught With Your Pants Down.” (Heidi Fleiss, anyone?)

Mr. Weebl gets us back on trousers with “Christmas in My Pants.” Oh, that’s thinly tented euphemism for sexy times. Oh!

Bob Kulhan’s alter ego Bing Faithful group-raps “Christmas Hot Pants” to hot up the holidays. (It’s actually non-denominational–Wow.)

In order to dance, The Withers recommend you get on your “Christmas Pants.” Minimalist industrial experimental, just like the pants i’m wearing right now.

Take a Card: experimental

Some music gladly defies all sense and sensibility. It’s a happening, as we used to say.

Honorable mention to “Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis” by Tom Waits. Late night bar jazz with drug-addled stream of consciousness tragedy. Christmas, you know.

Hot Buttered Elves throws down with “A Watercolor Christmas Card.” It’s a hot holiday mess.

As Seen on TV: Community

Rick and Morty‘s creator’s earlier brilliant-but-what’s-the-demographic? sitcom was not known for breakout songs, but attention must be paid to these study group misfits during the holidays.

The 2010 stop motion episode ‘Abed’s Uncontollable Christmas’ brings it.

The “Intro Song” is a takeoff of The 88’s series opening music this time with Xmas.

The characters turn into Christmas claymation tropes and have a couple memorable 3-line songs for characterization, including “Brittabot” and “Christmas Douche.”

The meaning of Christmas is put together in the show stopper “That’s What Christmas is For.” John Oliver! Christmas pterodactyl!

The next year is about singing Xmas for Glee club. To win over the surly main character, the Jewish nerd girl sings “Annie’s Christmas Song.” Brother, that’s jazz striptease junk with Betty Boop botheration.

The overlooked housewife gets a big gospel (half) number with “Happy B-Day, Jesus.” Go tell it on the lafftrack.

The actual “Community Glee Club” performance is a sad throwaway about how the hot blonde is tone deaf.

Troy & Abed’s Christmas Rap Battle,” however, convinces the Asperger’s kid and the conflicted cool athlete to celebrate a holiday they would otherwise disdain. Much prettier, or at least much faster.

Comedy gold from those boys finally in order to convince the geriatric in “Baby Boomer Santa,” an addictive song  about the evolution of St. Nick through musical genres. An American Pearl.

Snow Way: falling

It  keeps keeping on! It’s never going to stop!

Educational songs for the kiddies! Guriezo sings “Snow is Falling Down” in broken English so we can learn how not to say it!

Snow is Falling Down” gets sung by many elementary schools. Not sure where it comes from. It’s not Plank Road. But it will teach them to bang on those tambourines in any way they want to.

Vincent Micciche puts the cliches to work with “Snow is Falling.” Light elevator rock tells us about love, peace, children, Christmas, and… oh i guess other happy tidings too.

Piedmont Songbag chants out the problems we’ll have, and the precautions we’ll need with “Roger, It’s Snowing.” I’d take them seriously, i’d.

Darker My Love play “Snow is Falling” with a funky rock joy. The harbinger of Christmas seems like a glad master coming to oppress us in the nicest way possible. Be merry, i mean why not?

Shakin’ Stevens’s big Christmas hit was ‘Merry Christmas Everyone,’ but it gets shared as “Snow is Falling.” ’80s UK rock from the Welsh big dog (check out that sax). (Yeah, the VEVO is super creepy.)

Buster Inc unapologetically goes full throated with “Snow is Falling, Amen!” Christ under a star and you under a blanket of white, it just goes together, friends. To the rafters!

Creepy gospel soft country from Jim Ed Brown & Helen Cornelius in the dull shape of “Fall Softly Snow.” Angels, mangers, Mary–all crammed in there.

They said rain, but Trout Fishing in America gets us back on family values Christmas track with “Snow is Falling.” (And some fatherly jazz support wrapping the presents.) Thanks TFA!

Discordant hammering yodeling nostalgia from Timothy Seth Avett as Darling (?!) with “Snow is Falling.” Prog rock mixed media. Or, as we say around here, you don’t hear that everyday.

Silhouette goes big hair band with “When Snow’s Falling Down.” The prog electronica rock is overwhelming and it loses its way 2.5 minutes in. But this is a concert piece. Sit still and wait for the Big Finish. Boy, is it.

Snow Way: letting

What we really need is the definitive verse of Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne’s 1945 date rape fantasia “Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!” (Dumb parodies like “Shovel Snow, Shovel Snow, Shovel Snow” by Dave Rudolf notwithstanding.) (Special mention goes out to James Covenant‘s STTNG viral cut-and-paste sensation from 2013.) I guess Rod Stewart has the biggest hit–who cares–and it’s gone inappropriate from the likes of Twisted Sister–yawn–so let’s slow things way down to quaalude molasses level from The Butterflies of Love for a real snowed-in cabin fever experience. Get comfy now….

Parodies’ Paradise: 1977 “Come Sail Away”

Styx’s progrock culminated in this tune which as a single charted at #8 on the Billboard Hot 100… helped The Grand Illusion achieve multi-platinum sales in 1978.

Soaring to higher and higher notes The Mistletones go nearly a cappella with their “Come Fly Away” about Rudolf’s reindeer magic. Watch out for your dogs’ sensitive hearing.

Parodies’ Paradise: 1968 “Helter Skelter”

This avatar of punk-metal originally appeared on the Beatles’ so-called White Album… a product of McCartney’s attempt to create a sound as loud and dirty as possible… Rolling Stone magazine ranked it 52nd on its list of the 100 Greatest Beatles songs. (So much for inspiration.)

Kris Sciba delivers a plugged-in slow-moving “Helter Santa.” I dig this.

But i dig THIS more: cutbacknj has the same “Helter Skelter (Christmas Parody)” with bells and whistles. Psychedelic.