Joe Quincy confuses me with his hootenanny of a jingle “The Pirate Cowboy.” Amidst all the whooping and carrying on about his drinking, cursing, climbing papa, i hear ‘No, this is Santa Claus.’ Tie goes to the runner.
Not sure if the Carolinas were beleaguered by freebooters in days of yore, but Chuck Phillips soft rocks the country in “Christmas in Carolina.” Admiring the local traditions, he notes: The sailboats string lights from the main, Pirates Yo-Ho Merry Christmas. Where’d that come from–?
I may have mentioned Pirate Stu more than a handful of years ago, and his ‘Jingle Bells’ parody may not merit more mention, but “Jingle Piratopus” IS about a pirate octopus. Not something you hear every day.
Michael Scott Dublin (feat. Robert O’Connor & Mark O’Shaughnessy) bring Santa and a pirate together for a lively pop address: “Yo Ho Ho! And A Merry Christmas.” They have more in common than you’d think.
If you have boat trouble, you might end up like Crusoe. Will that interrupt your Xmas plans?
Darlene Como’s drug-punk (either you need to be on drugs to ‘get it’–or it’s simply a drug induced rant) deals with a shipwreck scenario somewhere in “Seaweed Soup.” Xmassy? Dunno!
In “Santa’s Tropic Island Hideaway” Lipbone Redding tells us Santa is Swinging in a hammock just a Christmas castaway, so yeah your presents might be late. Growly blues pop.
In Dead Hot Workshop’s “Jesus Revisited,” however, the reason for the season would–today–be Sympathetic to the castaways on Gilligan’s Isle. So, blessings and grace at least. Impetuous alt-rock.
Suits is lonely and cold and wants to know “Do You Miss Me, Christmas?“ It won’t matter the words I say, So I’ll just be a castaway. So, doesn’t matter…? Bluesy pop.
The hilarity of using the birthplace of mainland surfing as a referent to Xmas has not lent itself to many holiday tunes. (To be fair, Santa Cruz is a place name to a hundred cities around the world.)
The third school assembly comedy ‘Nativity 3: Dude, Where’s My Donkey’ offers a “Santa Cruise“–but it’s another travelogue for an island vacay. Oddly, this Carib beat transitions into gospel. So, uplifting i guess.
Bah & The Humbugs off their “Santa Cruise” as another jaunt away from the dreary day-to-day. More islander musicality for you. (Or an excerpt as a commercial.)
Rounding down, (the possibly computer generated) “Oh Santa” by Seasonal Songs asks to cruise the world in Santa’s sleigh. MOR pop. What a trip.
Why not a bunch boats for Xmas? A whole parade of boats, perhaps!
[Off topic for a mo: Nick Lutsko has a totally bro take on “Boat Parade!” that you might wanna check out. It’s not the holidays, not specifically, but boy is he WANTING to get to the event. Watch out for the flying sweat.]
Boat parades is part of what makes a “Florida Christmas” for 11-year-old Tamara Yasin with sassy pop Carib beatings.
Not to be outdone, California also features boat parades in deTournai’s “White Christmas Dreaming.” This dreamy bluesy slow pop feels more parade-like.
Amateur but heartfelt, G T Polerson ahoys us with his tribute to the West Coast annual event “The Christmas Ships.” Easy listening pop.
Gene Mitchell dedicates his Calypso to the “Christmas Boat Parade.” It’s cheesy in paradise, but it ticks all the boxes.
What a grand symbol the train is! What a grand symbol the Christmas is!
Reggae rapping “Happy Hanukkah” Matisyahu attacks us with diddydums and lyrics like: As I light up a flame in the name of the Lion of Judah, Drop like a hammer when I fall like the rain sun shower, Feel the power when I hit like a train. Okay, it’s a simile. But it’s pretty strong stuff.
I take a train in history: My family´s arrived And nothing´s ever has been changed, croons Casual Friday in the soft jazz pop (new wave?) “Now It’s Christmas.” Slow dance!
Darin Browne gets OG with his elementary rap in “Christmas Rapping.” The reason for the season is NOT Santa! Well the credit cards go clickety-clack Like a train running down the track. The lesson continueth…
“Train Tracks in the Snow” is the evocative spoken poetry of Johnny J Blair exploring the nearby environs of (tenacious) life and (frozen) water and the means to get to them (the tracks). It’s THAT time of the year, and it’s magical. But not precisely Christmas. C’est la vie.
Not a lot of Christmas celebration in nowheresville 1854, so Paul Weber harmonica-izes the folk sights of “The Christmas Train“–we waved at the engineer and he tipped his cap; Bright lights, spinning wheels and a bell, A real iron horse carousel! Almost showier than midnight mass.
Brato Usebo shovels on the discontent in “The Proper Christmas Spirit.” Ostentation, overspending, noise… none of it really helps BLUE ALERT. And then by mid-December we’ll have been won over: We’ll be on board the Christmas train with mint and Russle Stovah. The plodding doom march, the endless tortured rhymes for ‘spirit,’ the unexpected peripeteia… it’s the best Christmas soft pop song of all.
When is a train not a train? When it’s a metaphor!
Admiting it’s cliche, Clint Black countrifies the idea of time as a train: We’re bringing in another year let’s throw the old one back: With my new train I’ll be the engineer And hurry down the track While I know that time is standing still. “Slow as Christmas” is a fine sing-along for the whole family. Don’t hate it.
Iacopo Fedi maps his getaway from the madness of mundaneness on a “Christmas Train.” Stand back and let the rollicking garage funk through.
Simpler folk blues from Sofia Talvik portrays a “Christmas Train” Filled with guns and ammunition–They don’t give a damn about the wishing . This machine cannot be stopped. It is progress, expansion, war. Be afraid. Merrily.
Bluesy folk pop from Aster & The X Band suggest you surrender to the oncoming onslaught of the season: Feel it coming, the Christmas train. “Christmas” may be ironic, but it is definitely iconic of the dispossesed.
I miss being a team: Sharing everything Like laughter, “Christmas and Train Trips and Things” bemoans Trembling Blue Stars. So the Xmas trains are just normal stuff, the little things, the wallpaper of life. Miss that when the breakup is all there is. Gentle slow pop.
How long ago was the toy train the end all and be all of Christmas gifts?
Someone convinced Johnny Cash (in 1972) to try out some Bing Crosby vibes and thus we have “That Christmassy Feeling.” This sappy country hopes for good will toward all men, holding hands, and my boy wants a little toy train. Why thay’s jus’ middle class fo’k.
Frankie Lymon (1957) points out with childish tenor “It’s Christmas Once Again.” You know, that time of dollies and shiny choo choo trains. Marvelous R+B.
Pink Floyd’s basement tape “The Merry Xmas Song” is (1969) witty noodling of a more classical nature. The list of childish delights here includes dolls and gollywogs and clockwork trains, Trams, tin soldiers and little model planes.
For toy trains, Scale S is 1:64. So a locomotive is just over a foot long.
Dominic Campisi may not have a recording contract, but he sang a song. So there. “Christmas Time” is the usual laundry list of holiday items. Dolls and toy trains are included. A bit surf rock in the melody, but no instrumentation. F for F-fort.
Little ol’ Brenda Lee lets us in on a strange inhuman experiment. Santa carved a new helper out of a Christmas tree. Rather than name him Pin-snow-cchio, Santa calls him “Christy Christmas.” In her best rockabilly bebop, Ms. Lee relates how all the toys for you (like choo choo trains for boys) are selected by this monster. Chilling.
What seems to be a real train in “Train Goes Around” becomes an elaborate decorated set up in The Christmas Workshop Band’s pattering ditty. Blathering pop.
If you’re lucky you might see Santa fly by on the good ol’ “Christmas Train,” as folk-hoarsely mewed by Patrick DeVille. Ragged, but righteous.
Just like the chariot that’s gonna take ye to heaven, There’s a train on the way to Christmas. “The Christmas Train” by Chantal Kreviazuk (feat. Salvador Maida) is a piano recital for Grandma in wistful shades of children’s blues and pop. Somber as all get out.
MG rambles through a children’s huzzah: “Polar Xmas.” It’s not really singing, but it’s not rap either. Pop as a catchall.
Bad Flappin’ Birds concoct an amateur pop adventure to visit Santa. Apart from being unable to navigate the candy cane maze to find the bathroom, they have a jam-packed time (riding the train!) in their “Bad Flappy Holidays.” Catchy as much as weird.
