Trey Parker and Matt Stone didn’t just change television cartoons… okay, they actually haven’t done much else (maybe a B’way musical hit–but that’s it).
The 1999 holiday album was a great boon for us in the novelty fan base, so let’s visit the few songs i haven’t mentioned over and over.
“Christmas Time in Hell” revisits Satan, a family favorite, name-dropping the disfavored. The song, nevertheless, is showtune heaven.
Given our current political climate, let’s celebrate “Merry Fucking Christmas” to fight the war on equity.
A Cartoon Network show that never caught on (too hip?), but was reincarnated at least twice, season 4’s ender was jolly romp to cure Santa of vampirism with Death and the Head Vampire (Malcolm McDowell) trailing the way to the North Pole. As is their wont, these mythoids sing while trekking (cf. ‘The Wizard of Oz’). Thus “We’re Off,” a snippet of silliness (near the end of this cute clip).
More envelope pushing, this time from MTV. Clones of historical icons are raised in a gov’t facility, and go through awkward puberty all at the same time. But they have limited cultural influences. No actual Christmas, although they celebrate clone day with lamb tacos, cabbage patch dances and the holiday’s figurehead, a pirate named Snowflake Jake, who brings children delicious spices if they threaten him just right.
You’re getting this, right?
Don’t believe me! Try a mock album of “Snowflake Songs” by the JFK clone.
A Nick Toon that didn’t get off the ground (or enslave the planet), a dark allegory for the hopelessness of man, a so-so sci-fi apocalypso (of cult proportions)… the end of the series was the usual Santa as doombot. (Well, it’s usual NOW.) “Bow Down” from the series was reprised at this year’s SanDiego Comicon by the creators (about minute 8), and also gets a cover by youtuber Meri Amber.
A less Nazi-sounding Dexter, the boy genius of Nickolodeon has more realistic playground and family problems than the Cartoon Network version. But he still disagrees with Santa on a scientific basis. In his second season in ‘Holly Jolly Season’ he walks a million miles in the jolly old elf’s slippers to learn his lesson, but not before first suffering the indignities of grade school adulation for these ridiculous myths. “Basking in the Warmth of Christmas” is a jazzy show tune of faith vs. doubt.
If Carmen Sandiego can fool people into learning, surely the prepubescent Latina can as well.
Most of the ‘songs’ on the album Dora’s Christmas are either trad carols or children’s pap without any mention of any variation of any holiday.
Notable exceptions to our disappointment include the infrequently heard Espanol Christmas Eve carol “Nochebuena.” Just this much short of mariachi, but a bit of the fun.
If you know the show, you know the klepto ‘coon and his problems. So Dora’s “No Swiping on Christmas” should come as no surprise. Melodramatic interactive show tune! Shout answers to her for goodness’ sake. (And get that varmint some therapy; did you hear his excuse?)
The highest grossing media franchise of all time does indeed have a Christmas album, Virginia. It varies from smelly schmaltz (“I’m Giving Santa a Pikachu for Christmas“)
The all out unabashed commercial fan grab is “Pokemon Christmas Bash.” Hello, Pallet Town!
My favorite (?) is the snarky Meowth snarling “Nobody Don’t Like Christmas.” All holidays come under fire. But, wait for the final twist. Show tune vaudeville.
New ‘toons on the Cartoon Network cable channel showcased outsider rage and complicated failure as winkity-wink ironic lessons for hep tots.
“Dexter’s Christmas Rap” reveals what an evil boy genius thinks he knows about the supposed Santa Claus. He will later be humiliated with Truth.
The ape shaped Elvis emulator had a pratfall-filled set of loser adventures rivaling Andrew Dice Clay in cluelessness.
In 2001, Johnny raced to the North Pole because he forget to post his letter to Santa. Donny Osmond, in a return to the cartoon series, assists… in song! “A Johnny Bravo Christmas Song.” Just a snippet in this excerpt.
This prestigious, counterculture cutsie slugfest had a decent holiday special, but i’m drawn to the holiday commercial with song.
Ladies and Gentlemen, “We Three Girls.” Frantic carol parody.
This formulaic yet well cast sitcom inspired foreign TV (usually the other way around) with the power of personae. The 1995 Christmas special ‘Oy to the World’ did not apologize for a JAP in a WASP-hold, but shrugged and whirled in cartoon form.
The minute and a half showstopper midway through the morality lesson showcases Daniel Davis as the head elf Elfis welcoming Fran Drescher to Santa’s toyshop. No helpful Youtube exists of this song, so i hacked it as best i could.
The blind curmudgeon won animated shorts Oscars in the ‘5os. But when the wealthy jerk got his own TV series in the early ’60s the production company no longer made animation and farmed out the cartoon to a less professional group.
Yet, the 1962 A Christmas Carol adaptation (made by the original United Productions of America) struck gold with Julie Styne and Bob Merrill songs including:
“All Alone in the World,” the lament of boy Scrooge at not having a family who cares. Country show tune.
“Winter was Warm,” the goodbye of nearly-girlfriend Belle. Diva big band ballad.
“Ringle Ringle,” an ode to profit, harmonized by the suffering Bob Cratchit. Snarky childrens’ pop.
What’s worse than NO presents for Christmas? Bad presents. Some givers just have a knack.
Of course, the classic here is the comic parody “The Twelve Gifts of Christmas” by Allan Sherman. Surely you’ve heard this one. And all that other stuff.
Annoying Orange you might suppose gives terribly, just as it sings “Christmas is for Giving” terribly. Kidsong crap.
Stars from the Nick channel appear in a holiday special of some comic merit preaching how “Bad Giftin’ Grannies” are what you deserve, you thoughtless punks. Pop hip hop.
Axis of Awesome present the jazz showtune “What a Terrible Gift” like a piano bar downer. What a Great song.
You think Christmas presents are tough? Hanukkah is an octuple toughie!
Mark worries what to get his mom in “Mom’s Hanukkah Song.” This is bitter folk sibling rivalry, trying to make the gift of this song better than what brother Matt got her. I’m Team Mark! (He’s a great accountant, so i forgive the mudslinging.)
Don Cooper worries about what he wants in “My Hanukkah Gift” with fun kidsong folk with kid back up. Seems like he mostly hopes he doesn’t break all the presents by the time it’s over.
Elissa Oppenheim Shreiner & Sunnie Miller stir up the supsense with the slow kidsong “Eight Little Presents.”
More reverentially Troy Mitchell, Max Vitullo sing in Hebrew & English for “Simple Hanukkah Gifts” (Nods to that shaker song ‘Simple Gifts.’) Beautiful.
David Rael regales the gifts he got last Chanukah, but seems to be looking down his nose at the cheapness of the loot with the britpop showstopper “Your Stocking’s Filled with Candy, But a Pencil Sharpener’s Handy.”
