Category: folk

Tripping Bells: Crack

The crack cocaine for Christmas jingles are, take it from me, nothing to lose your teeth over. The lesson here seems to be: once you’re on crack all other drugs are gravy.

Tony Marese from ThatsNiceDOITAGAIN.com brings you the “Crack Heads Christmas Song” set to ‘Rocking Around’ as if squalor and decay unto death were fodder for a sitcom. Sue the gasp/laff track.

Likewise The Crackheads sift through the bottom of the drain for the stereotypes (mostly hillbilly redneck) in “The Twelve Steps of Xmas.” Moving on….

More thoughtfully, Gregory Page & The Wrong Trousers figure why not smoke crack given the absurdity of the whole hell on earth Christmas represents. “Crack & Christmas” rolls out gently like a steamroller going 3 mph. You can get out of the way, but you may be too hypnotized to resist.

Tripping Bells: Pot [BLUE ALERT]

Why try pot when the weather outside is frightful? Well, according to Garfunkle and Oates, it helps with your social interactions. But, as with many after-school specials, problems have a snowball effect and your skull-fucking leads to a “Scary F**ked Up Christmas,” not the least of your problems being Doug Benson as a paranoid Papa Noel hiding in the bed. Hyperactive folk.

Zonked for the High Holidays

Alcoholics Anonymous get busy around late December. Let’s sing, in the basement of the church.

12 steps… 12 days…? Couldn’t help it! Mishka6487 sets the process to music so you can remember it better. “12 Steps of AA” is just sweet enough (has to keep checking her list) to make me almost respect it.

Martin Nesbitt elicits guffaws with his folksy portrayal of sliders and slippers at “The Alcoholic’s Anonymous Christmas Ball.” Crowd pleasing isn’t easy with this subject–it’s not nervous giggles, guys. Hello, my name is–what was it again?

X-ened for the X-mas High Holidays

The etc. cast of characters for the Christmas traditions have been known to tie one on as well.

“Rudolph Drank the Moonshine” might seem a funny little idea for a song, but The Christmas Hillbillies apply themselves in country-bluegrass high form to create a catchy little number.

DØMT squeeze funny out of punk with “Rudolph is a Drunk.” Fighting and vomiting follow.

John Stapleton plies us with a homegrown hymnal about when “The Elf Got Drunk.” Pretty folk rock with more talent than it needs.

Wrecked for the High Holidays

Just as there are critics on Christmas, some people don’t see eye to eye with Mr. Christ. They throw hard shade, perhaps out of self image problems, perhaps because of the post-colonial patriarchic oppression.

BLUE ALERT Kreise rages philosophical in their hard metal “Drunk Jesus,” but their existential dilemma is lightened part way through with a lovely Spanish guitar bridge. Drinking here is metaphorical and only the truly desperate would include this on any Xmas playlist. But… i kinda like it.

Less approachable, but just as BLUE are Assrash with their own “Drunk Jesus,” and Cumchrist with “Jesus was an Angry Drunk” (critical of scripture, but with a funny meme).

A marathon of busting rhyme, “Drunk Jesus” by Me$$’d Up is an epic adventure of pitting personal venal desires v. fallible martyrdom. Still BLUE, my lambs.

Gravity Wagon play their folk hard, but not so BLUE. “Jesus You’re a Mean Drunk” may begin Sunday school, and it may be a lively lesson in the humanness of the Messiah, but these guys are playing music for two different songs.

Voracho for the High Holidays

Rolling in the Christmas holiday, one might say we’re imbibing Christianity. Too much JC might result in impairment of the physical form.

(Psst–actual drinking of fermentation may result in misbehavior regardless of intent, see “Drunk for Jesus” by Readhard.)

Reverend Deadeye screeches the blues in “Drunk on Jesus.” Room for one more at the pearly bar.

Uncle Carl, however, cautions in clear blues syncopation “Don’t Get Drunk on Jesus.” I do believe these songs have something in common.

Angela Tibbs sings like a drunk cat, but has a message for you. In “Drunk on Jesus” she instructs us how to take in Sunday’s word. It’s a trip (to heaven).

Juiced for the High Holidays

Alcoholics have to make nice, or at least spew the other direction, during the holidays.

Uncle John brings the Christmas miracle in The Mcdrinkers’ “Drunk on Christmas.” Celtic punk has cobblestone cred. And the boys do indeed rock.

Melancholic becomes the mindset of the mostly muzzy, as evinced by Michael C. Pearson in “My Beerdrunk Soul Is Sadder Than All the Dead Christmas Trees of the World.” It’s unplugged psychedelia, haunting and hurting.

King Automatic and Rich Deluxe jam some surf guitar into their crooning carol “Stay Drunk at Christmas.” It lends a secret agent vibe to an odd mix of Scary Father Christmas footage among the hard living Gauls and Deutsche in the ’60s. Dipsomania seems the norm, sad to say.

Embalmed for the High Holidays

About my favorite toasting Christmas song is from Narrative Crows. “Christmas Drinking Song” is dreamlike and transporting, a magic cocktail ride. These Montrealeans blend folk and alt rock into a heavenly choir of our shortcomings, pairing that with a hypnotic video of arctic foot and traffic fails the may leave you hypnotized. View responsibly.

Drink N.B. Merry: wine, mulled

Grown ups of refinement prefer wine to beer, at least as an ostentation. (Wine drinkers say things like: oaky, fruity, earthy; beer drinkers say things like: burp!)

The holiday process of boiling said libation with spices goes back centuries and continents. Glühwein is a favey-fave amongst the Deutshe. So I must include at least a couple not-so-much-mitt-du-English songs like Die Blauen Jung’s happy drunk parody of ‘Jingle Bells’ “Der Glühwein Song,” Thomas Dotterweich’s swinging parody of ‘Rocking Around’ “Der Glühwein Song,” punchxmas’s burbling melancholic “Oh du schöne Weihnachtszeit,” Kalk Stein’s oddly talky children’ rock “Glühwein,” and Sternschuppe’s rad pop “Komm zu mir auf einen Glühwein.” But let’s finish for the language challenged in English: John Stapleton folk rocks “It’s Christmas (Glühwein for the Ladies)” in his rocking chair in his front room (wait, that’s a nervous tic). I do believe he’s judging the alcohol intake here, not like those cheery Germans.

Okay, one more. Miss Behavin’ believes that western music is that stuff from musicals as she celebrates “Glühwein.” It’s a barn dancing promise of more fun.

Back to British. ‘Blurred Lines’ has been mocked with “Mulled Lines,” here by Greg and Chris Smith. Well Robin thick mayn’t be Brit, but he’s classy in that repressed way. An honorable parody.

And now for something completely different. The “Simplee Mulled Wine Mix Song” is advertisement for a product you problee never heard of. But it’s catchy bluegrass carousing.

Drink N.B. Merry: beer2

Some beer songs are in anticipation, or within the first couple rounds: upbeat.

Friday Night Music Club has a rousing light-punk (same anger, less cacophony) number in “The Christmas Beer Song.” It’s all fun and games until the next round.

Thorsø All-Stars from Thorsø, Denmark have posited a polite cowboy party with “Country Christmas Beer.” It’s their first song in English and they’ve worked hard musically to represent our Wild West bad manners.

Another big party is delineated by The Irish Rovers in their “Christmas in the Ale House.” What a great Celtic gathering.

Less glowingly glorious, The Bastions get a bit loud and naughty with “Beer, Jugs, & Bratwurst.” Oompah is a bit like the I-need-to-fit-a-toilet-soon rhythm, ist es nicht so?

Referencing beer but almost cheerfully anti-beer is the Christmas remix of Trailer Choir’s ‘Rockng the Beer Gut’ into “Rocking the Beer Gut (Holly Day  Version)” wherein Santa claims he’s not fulla suds. Nice rollickin’ country-fried humor.

Even bad choices under the influences of beer seem fun. In re: “Christmas with Beer Theme Song” by Christmas with Beer makes the failures in life tolerable, amusing even. Thanks!