Stevie Simpson (OneBlokeOneMandolin.com) makes it personal with “I Wish You a Shit Christmas, Dave.”
Between draughts of holiday drink, this coordinator for the Charlotte chapter of the Nashville Songwriters Association International names names for who’s been letting him down this season. Nick and Clint and Dave don’t meet his standards. And he cusses them out… but it’s mandolin strumming; it’s not that mean.
Piss.Ess: he’s got a sequel with tons of production values from Gun City. I’m not sure the inclusion of children helps his humor or ramps up the creep factor, though.
As an older person, i’m not clear how Star Wars is a rite of passage for the very young. But even those ancient X-Generationals are feeling eight again with a new movie release.
So one of the important connections to Christmas for this movement is the wish list from the billion$ of merchandising.
Gettin’ all nostalgic for back then is John Voelz singing “Star Wars Christmas” about the toys of kid-dom. He does a rock steady job painting a picture of adult regret. If you go for that.
Adrain Anchondo parodies Mariah Carey with “All I Want for Christmas (is R2D2).” Her social media is strong and she includes dozens of fans lip syncing and dancing to her song. (Watch out for the baby in the Ewok suit.)
Kirsty Dawson gets all big ballad behind “Tauntauns for Christmas.” Despite the public television animation, i found this affecting. Gee.
The collectible to leave in the box is John Anealio with his “Millenium Falcon for Christmas.” This is the epic quest to fulfill childhood through toy-tie-ins.
Middle America! Corn Belt! Bible Belt! Santa’s Belt covering his belly of corn!
Matthew Vaughan leans back on what looks like a college parking structure and, between flipping pages reading, strums his three chords to sing The Iowan State Song to the tune of ‘O Christmas Tree’ (which he refers to as Lauriger Horatius). Clever stuff. Bit sophomoric (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
britehorn.com threw together a political spoof of carols an election ago. I don’t cater to these, like i won’t address team parodies… but it’s fairly funny and mostly timely now. It’s the so-called “Fox News Christmas Album: Republican Christmas in Iowa.” Ha, two thousand twelve, ha.
Because i’m having fun hardly finding Hawkeye stuff, I have to give a shout out to a couple local yokel Des Moinesians: ‘Biggy B’ and ‘K David.’ their “Christmas List, Yo” busted my nut with chuckles. I am going to totally reference that at another time on this blog.
Now I can’t go Mulberry Lane’s “Christmas in Iowa,” because they have identical NB and WI versions and, yes it’s bouncy and fun for a XXIst C noel, but it’s got no statewide identity and i… i just can’t Okay?
So I’m left with “Winter in Iowa” by Roger Boggs. He’s raw, he’s modern folk, he’s a mash up of Kris Kristofferson and Bob Dylan (oh look, he’s got a harmonica!). I dig his love life attitudes and his playin’ into the wind, whether or not anyone’s listenin’ (the mark of a true musician). His song feels like the season. Button up!
I was tempted to go so schmaltz i might’ve never come back: Kenny Rogers’s “Kentucky Homemade Christmas.” I shudder to contemplate how the soft-rock country po-folk fun mistletoed me with its rank, sweet givingitude.
Equally downbeat is Paul Ritchie’s “Old Kentucky Carol” of which a sample is offered on Youtube. Paul, the big tease, is a serial noeler, with songs for Kansas and Michigan as well. His effort here is noble, mainstream, and forgettable.
Steven Curtis Chapman goes hesitantly upbeat with “Christmas in Kentucky.” But he segues from KY home to ‘Christmas is Everywhere!’ Hey now–don’t go global on me, Steve Curtis… L.A.? The African Plains?! I love the message of love, but part of my parade here is locachoral. Love home, stay home, sing home.
Perry King sings Ronnie King’s mellow “Christmas in Kentucky” on the ‘tube (nice guitar closeup) and it’s all unplugged and roots o’ rock. I feel a slow dance comin’ on.
If you succumb to becoming a collector of Commonwealth carols, consider “The Kentucky Wassail Song” from Fred Waring and his little group, a lovely historical repro from a previous century (probably be worth 100$ on Antiques Roadshow).
So–finally–I was all set to offer The Roustabouts’ “Christmas in Kentucky,” a honky-tonk howler that makes me grin (MMG).
Then someone told me about Phil Ochs singing “No Christmas for Kentucky.” No offense, Bluegrass State, but protesting folkrock from the ’60s beats drunk-songs from the ’50s. If you’re not familiar, Philip David Ochs was a song writing hippie from the counter culture movement; he gave his mental health to give us “I Ain’t Marching Anymore” and “Draft Dodger Rag.” He’s doing his best Pete Seger here, reminding us that being poor when everyone else is celebrating SUCKS (despite what Kenny Rogers sings). Now go back to the mines!
Randy Brooks wrote “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” 1979 and has been cashing in ever since. Now, i hope to never to reference that song again, nor any of its dozens of doofus derivations, but the guy has got a song on his Randy Brooks’s Greatest Hit album from ’12 that addresses what i need to have said. Once Halloween is out of the way, nothing will stop the purposeful authorized onslaught of Christmas decoration and musicality.
So please allow this odd folk song “It’s Hallowe’en (A Christmas Song)“with its simple melody and special sacred sarcasm to transport you onto the holiday highway–it’s one way now.
A state of musical heritage! Now we’ve got some choices! Okay mostly bluegrass…
Chuck Picklesimer is so cool. His rambling country elf routine never wears thin. Remember that bit about the cartoon show host who tells you dumb kids what’s really going on grownup style? (It’s abit older than time… not just Kentucky Fried Movie, you know like the overdone crusty old joke a la The Simpsons.) Chuck’s your guy. His “West Virginia Credit Card” will get its own entry later from me. It’s WV enough in tone and tenor, but it’s just not holidaisical enough.
The Weber Brothers whisper out the haunting “Christmas Time in West Virginia.” The percussive jingling and chiming, the high harmonies, it sounds like angels singing over a snow covered valley.
Brrr, we’ve got to spice up the mix; so we’re finally going cross-culturally to the Festival of Lights.
Scott Simons is another struggler. After he got credit for writing the music theme for his weatherman dad on local tv, he ran around the country minstrel-style finally starting TeamMate with his gay-ex. Maybe you saw him piano-ing on XFactor or America’s Got Talent. He champions rights for all, and he’s funny. Check out one of his favorite topics, growing up Jewish in the Very White West Virginia. I love the nostalgic canned audience responses paired with the intimate small-lounge vibe.
Now, one of the most inappropriate Christmas songs ever, “His Favorite Christmas Story” by Capital Lights, begins ‘He meet her up in Delaware in 1937…’. But–despite the shivers it sends up and down my spine (the Christmas miracle is… an ironic death!!), it’s NOT a Delaware song!
I originally settled on “O Little State of Delaware” by Todd Chappelle–a funny travelogue parody, but one of my all time favorite localists is David DeBoy whose ‘O Little Town of Baltimore’ needs to be heard for good ol’ Maryland. No dupies, friends.
Then I stumbled on Jim McGiffin singing “Christmas for Catholics in Delaware,” a basement tape of questionable irony/hostility. It’s so clumsily amusing and earnestly divisive that I can’t stop listening to it. McGiffin looks like Santa and he anchors Celtic Harvest, a Scottish/Irish band that plays private parties and church events with centuries old reels and ballads and all I can say is: are ya honestly Papist yourself, Jimmy, or what? Does the Pope tap his shoes of the fisherman to your little ditty here? What would DJ JC sing?
FIFTY STATES OF ‘MERICA-MAS
Okay, Mass-holes, where’s your carol? You got, like one–and it’s awful, that’s what you got.
The song: “Christmas in Boston.” James Melody was huge (nearly 400#) on the local TV circuit a few years back singing and re-singing his X-mas anthem for every talk show and news crew all about what made Beantown beam with pride. Mayor Menino gave him a proclamation in ’08 for representin’ and pronouncin’ all his words without that accent. I kid, but I love the middle-of-the-road showtune bounciness here… the ceaseless references to every traditional carol… the roster of where to go… It’s like a wordsearch for the season! It’s actually too big a song for my liking… it’s got it’s own website.
P.S. There’s a “Christmas in Gloucester” song on youtube as well. It’s an ’11 original song by Paul “Sasquatch” Cohan celebrating America’s Oldest Seaport, Gloucester Massachusetts. But it’s lower class and downbeat. So screw him.
P.P.S. There’s a better “Christmas in Gloucester” by The Souls of the Sea ‘tubing as well. This is loads more fun, drinking and laughing and falling off barstools… all in honor of those lost at sea during those terrible Winter storms. In order to suffer that loss, this particular video begins with the more somber (less holiday) “The Bella Figlia” about The Eternal Voyage of fisherfolk. Wait for the oompah and you’re nearly there.
Let’s continue through New England to find specially state-dependent Christmas songs of a novel nature.
FIFTY STATES OF ‘MERICA-MAS
The Green Mountain State is no Ho Ho Holiday for seasonal spirituals, but rather a stingy Scrooge of unimaginative traditional carols sung in small private poorly lit areas.
Okay I did find a song called “Christmas in Vermont.” Just what i was looking for! But it’s one you’ve heard already. This is a bastardization of “Moonlight in Vermont” with some Christmas words subbed in. That’s just what you’d expect from Prairie Home Companion. Despite the predictability, Heather Masse lays it down smokey and jazzy, though. Like a welcome fireplace out of the cold….
So let’s find a weird one. On the Guiseppi Joe label, Dave Hall has dropped an odd album of old folk and slave carols (you read that right) including this one he wrote himself. Sweet–at times too sweet–it recalls the rural melancholy i keep in my heart from my own time in VT. Hard-wintered but hardly complaining, self-suficient though racked with poverty, fiercely loyal if not out-going, these are peoples who chainsaw a living off the land despite the leaf-peepers, fast-driving on-their-way-through Canadians, and looking-for-a-bit-of-relaxation-transplanted Lowlanders. Dave Hall is in fact one of those New Yorkers, but he’s so indie folk rock that you forgive him. He’s kinda low key, having only a couple children’s musicals published and performed. Still I’m a sucker for a love song, even a sad one (wait, is the wife in this song dead?).
