It’s not just me, it’s the whole household you’ve abandoned! On Christmas! Only Virgin Mary would do that! (Well her parents, but you see whaddeye mean…).
The Growlers extend loneliness to the whole household with “Lonely This Christmas,” a swingin’ Elvis-stylin’ (karate chop!) bluesy rock crowd pleaser. Alan Williams fronts the Rubettes with this as well. Perhaps a dollop more pathos. K.T. Tunstall also warbles through this. More quietly = more endearingly.
The kids! What bout the li’l ones?! George Jones AND Tammy Wynette separately belabor the ordeal with “Lonely Christmas Call,” corning the pone slowly. So, who left whom? Let’s clear the Ol’ Opry stage, however, for offspring Georgette Jones and her lugubrious own offering.
POV switcheroo: what about the upside? The triumph of the dumper? The hidden joke of passive-relief? The whispered finally!
Savannah Smith unearths a tub of troubadour talent with her “Ex-Mas,” a bouncy folk bit about how she done ya, so there.
Cowardly country, “Break Up Before Christmas” addresses the creative economic advantages of not having to buy her a present if not together. Corey Hunt Band swaps commitment for drinking beer alone. It’s a helluva party… until three days later.
Fate dealt you an Xmas cardigan… and it is ugh-lee.
Sam Wineman rocks his “Christmas Sweater“… he says. But his lugubrious folk rock seems to say something else (echh).
Surrendering to the crushing traditions, Party at the Moontower polka rocks out “I Need an Ugly Sweater.” Party requirements, folks!
That “Ugly Christmas Sweater Party” is their reason for Phil and The Osophers to gather. It defies pop folk music rhyme!
Generation Empowered has an “Ugly Christmas Sweater” dance for you, while peddling their by-the-numbers pop electronica and hating what gramma made by hand. Ingrates.
I guess it’s the contrast, babe. Patrick Thomas gets country clever by praising her beauty in her “Ugly Christmas Sweater.” Her blinking lights are up here.
Actual country music is much like folk music, hard living, hard loving, hard hardness. But more violins.
The Corn Fed Girls focus on that detail (those “Christmas Cards”) posted on your wall, which stands for something sad (and angry), so shove off. (But with a sweet mandolin sendoff.) And that’s country.
Finishing off that wrapping job on your Xmas gift? Some ribbons, praps?
Kacey Musgraves actually doesn’t need “Ribbons and Bows,” but can’t keep pop rocking about them. Talented vocals.
Jessica and Eddie Harrison (feat. Donna Beaurais) also miss the point with “Christmas Ribbons,” singing instead about family and love and carrying on.
Also stretching our theme, Trent Holloway sings “Blue Ribbon Christmas,” alluding to the PBRs he’s gonna pack away since you left him. Bluesy country cryin’.
Hank Thompson and the Brazos Valley Boys is going cheap this year, ‘cuz he’s gonna “Wrap My Heart in Ribbons” for you this Christmas. It is the most he can give. Gentle country swing is the least he can do.
Let’s be honest. What’s the Christmas tree but a delivery system for gifts?
Don’t get your hopes up. The generic “Treats Under the Christmas Tree” are an excuse for The Mallon Tones to idealize their childhood. For rockabilly punk that’s progress.
Gringos Fate sing about “Christmas,” but it’s mostly about what will get put under that dressed up tree. Monstrously good below the border ‘billy.
Hyper jazz from Simon Strauß (Pachelbel influenced) excited for the presents and decorations and everything underneath our “Christmas Tree.” Children’s hope for world peace though really.
Comedy intermission: Joel Kopischke (i’ve already said) goes “Under the Tree” to the tune of ‘Under the Sea.’ He has the presents of mine to go full lounge lizard. Hah!
Sink or Swim want something good, better, worthwhile. They lightly metal their message to their “Christmas Tree” to get a decent present. Fun times, guys.
Dave Rave & Rick Andrew rockabilly the quandry of what to put “Underneath My Baby’s Christmas Tree.” It’s a fun figuring, and suggestive of muchas smooches to boot.
Rockabilly for “Rockabilly Christmas Tree” from Al Hendrix and Jimmy Accardi. He gets it all: pomade, blue suede shoes, a Cadillac…. man oh man.
Poor folk don’t get much under the “Christmas Tree.” If they’re good they tremble in song about how they should give away what paltry bit they do get to another sufferer–even a piece of pie! Gospel folk from Significant Others makes this sacrifice a family legend.
Most of the romance around the Christmas tree has been noted elsewhere, but Chris Zindie ‘s chanty odd folk “All I Want Under the Christmas Tree” describes a gift that’s big and heavy (it’s you). I wanted the poor guy to escape the notice of the romantic police, ’cause he’s in trouble for his fun little song.
Funnyman Rodney Carrington tries on big band swing for “The Presents Under the Tree (Better be for Me).” He does care what he gets, and he’s a bit judgy.
Specialize your tree with individual ornamentation. Fly your freak flag!
Rocking it, The Breezeway tell you the story of “The Ol’ Ornament 2014” from the bauble’s point of view. It’s whining, of course–about where it got put, on the backside. Kinda cool song.
Or just hang “Flags on the Christmas Tree” to honor the fallen, like Jesus. Leland Martin leans into that weepy fiddle to tug at your patriotic bone.
Just as redneck, Robin and Linda Williams folk up a storm with “Shotgun Shells on a Christmas Tree.” Um, it was ‘cuz they were poor, and the shells were red… for Christmas.
Kate Osburn has a different approach: grandchildren photos glued into handmade paper cutouts to “Decorate the Tree,” a strangely sultry and seductive jazz siren crooning tune.
More traditionally, Danny and Cindy Schneider go ’60s folk rock with “Candy Canes on the Tree.” Sweet!
“Nerdy Christmas Tree” from Losing Lara challenges you to reconsider the tree as a collection delivery system. Rocking folk.
One ‘ornament’ you might not have considered is the Christmas tree train that got laid out on the floor all the way around. Artese N Toad wring their hankies over “Daddy’s Old Train box 2007.” Then Schnitzel honky tonks “Christmas Tree Train” just right.
We’ll deal with Xmas personifications a bit later. But that deep-rooted desire to be taken home is systemic from limb to limb throughout the thicket…
Perhaps the songs should say it for them:
Certainly Stevie Wonder makes the case with “One Little Christmas Tree.” This ’67 R+B tear jerker involves a whole tree family and some extra angel granting wishes. Ooooh, aaaah. (Countrified by Jennifer Lind.)
Marty Merchant chortles out a kids’ song country pop weeper, “Lonely Christmas Tree.” Desperate, needy, dying little thing.
Parry Gripp goes imaginatively, juvenilely delusional with “Christmas Tree in the Lot.” Some kid sleeps with one eye on the window watching the tree for sale across the street. Is that tree lonely, just like him? No, it’s dead, but in a cool folk-song way.
The original was delivered on John Denver’s 1974 album Back Home Again… the live version on his 1975 album An Evening with John Denver–released as a single and went to No. 1 on both the Billboard magazine Hot Country Singles and Billboard Hot 100 charts… topped both charts for one week each, first the country chart (on May 31), and the Hot 100 chart a week later… one of six songs released in 1975 that topped both the Billboard Hot 100 and Billboard Hot Country Singles charts.
[digressive shout out to hardcore parodist and Italian guitar banger Il Magico Mitico Ale who churned out a couple dozen parodeus-es to–mostly Italian aria–songs in ’16. Many are unintelligible and forced, but his whimsical take on “Take Me Home, Country Roads” the ’71 Denver #2 hit stands out.]
Now make room for Jolly Joel Kopishke to show you a true Santa believer in “Thank God I’m a Santa Boy.”
