Gunna Celebrate.19 Calhoun Hornet

A song to the “Christmas Gun” by Michael Gross, Bryan Szymanski, and Matt Glass features ratatat rock and fatalism.

Valley of Love ups the Tarantino quotient with a slow-mo guitar introspection, “My Boy Got His Gun.” Christmas is the backdrop for this pending doom.

Angry Johnny & The Killbillies have graced our posts liberally–‘cuz they’re awesome–but we haven’t taken a moment for “Shootin’ Snowmen.” This soft country song about a rural tradition you might want to avoid addresses a strange xenophobia and the redneck response.

Damn That Holiday: Hell.6 BLUE ALERT

Rapping with enunciation danopposite lays out his case for why this is “Christmas in Hell.” Sore feet? Bad gifts? That all you suffer from? Come on.

Snarky Off-Broadway tunes from the musical ‘Christmas in Hell’ include “Every Day is Christmas in Hell.” Ensemble BLUE ALERT about a kid in the wrong place at the right time.

Awesome Death take a more industrial pop/rock approach to their “Every Day is Christmas in Hell.” The more metal it gets the more philosophical it gets. Again BLUE ALERT.

Captain Chemical countrified his pop when he explains that when you’re in Hell it’s “Christmas in Hell.” The torment seems festive the way he sings it. BLUE ALERT

Damn That Holiday: devil.8

Fooling around Melodicka Bros have taken Slipknot’s nasty “The Devil in I” and cast it into Xmas music. Awful pretty. Maybe for your church choir–?

Luna Morning Star have made their “Even the Devil Likes Christmas” an electronic experiment… of your patience!

Who’s the devil? You are! You’re the devil!! “Slick Nick, You Devil You” is Fishbone’s gospelly pop to point out Santa’s failings. Guess he‘s not on anyone’s list.

Jim Barnett places Scratch at the Nativity with crazy honkytonk in “‘Ol Devil Raids Christmas.” They debate JC’s potential influence through Christmas (He’s a baby, natch) and The Devil begins to slip… STAY TUNED

X files-mas: Witches

Supposedly inspired by Witch Week (a week after Christmas in Italy) Bev Gant amateurly strums out “The Christmas Witch.” She’s nice.

Make Like Monkeys seal that deal with their “La Befana (The Christmas Witch).” Swinging pop will make you like her more.

Dark Holiday Music warns us of the persecuted burnt practicers of darker arts with a sly “Carol of the Witch.” Reparations, anyone?

Infinity Christmas” by Douglas Gwilym is experimental pop about happiness. How much happiness? Enough to melt the witch with water! If you see….

Holiday Roger heard that witches’ cauldrons was “Where Elves Come From.” Sprightly pop that takes a turn.

Sean Madigan suspects Santa has magic ‘cuz “Mrs. Claus is a Witch.” Wild words propped up with pop that veers into rockabilly just right.

Awesome country rock from Count D. that MIGHT remind you of The Man in Black, “The Christmas Witch” is nothing more than a pranking nuisance. But, ’tis also an awesome novelty song.

Yuletide: Cruise Enthuse

A commercial for the service, “I Want to Book a Brand New Cruise for Christmas” parodies ‘Hippopotamus.’ The Cruise World shines up this vacay mainstay with energy, but not much imagination.

Shouting the title over and over, Christmas! advises “Christmas Cruise” at least for the sexual freedom.

Laughing at YOU, Kent Goodson and Michael Panasuk calypso-ize and rhapsodize in “Cruisin’ for Christmas.” They list what they’ll do for fun that you won’t.

Wayne Pascall A Cappella has more specific destinations in mind with their calypso (lotsa beatboxing) “Christmas Caribbean Cruise.” Translators are standing by.

Tangentially, Judy Blank would rather have a “California Christmas” than a messy ol’ wintry one (y’know, the ‘Dreaming of’ kind). I’d rather learn to surf and sail a cruise she pop croons with no little talent.

More destination-oriented, Aubrey Wollett’s “Sandy Christmas” uses funky country to paint an idyllic pic: You can be on a boat, or lay on a pool float, Sipping on chocolate martinis with candy canes. Sounds relaxing.

A Slippery Slope.30

Wait, i’ve got more snowmobile songs!

Jimmy Jenson (with thick Scandi-accent) warbles over the accordion with “My Viking Snowmobiling.” That’s one tricked-out pony.

The Marty Gold Children’s Chorus treat us to “Roaring Sam The Snowmobile,” a kidsong of choral roaring.

A cute but clumsy parody of Jimmy Dean’s ‘Big John,’ “The John Deere Snowmobile Song” seems to be an extended ad musical theme. Worth it.

Another seeming ad is the equally unattributed “Ski-Do Song.” Brief country pop, with an instrumental chaser.

Stompin’ Tom Collins gets down with the popular country of the ’70s in his “Snowmobile Song.” Cool as carnivals, cats.

Christmas Countdown: 2 goodies

What’s sweeter than tokens of affection? On Christmas morning I’ll wake up next to you, Give you a kiss or two, sings M!chelle in the sensually rhythmic pop “Christmas Morning.”

Steven Curtis Chapman is only asking for a “Christmas Kiss“–One little kiss, well maybe, let’s make it two. Jazz band intimate.

Leaning into the ukulele, Shannon Paapanen chants the Hawaiian “Christmas on the Isthmus” (guess there’s a bit of one on Maui?). We could share a big kiss-mas and a warm hug or two swings the schmaltz.

Terms of endearment, too, are sweet: I thought I’d write a note or two of Christmas cheer To you, to you sings Albert Hammond in the rote ’70s pop “Under the Christmas Tree.”

It’s Always Christmas in Siberia” asks for a gentle moment. Here we relieve the inner chill with a choice word or two, advises Jed Davis with great alt rock kicking.

Best intentions, too? “Christmas is a Homemade Holiday” is another tawdry showtune that touts pablum like: IT’S MADE WITH LOVE AND YOUR OWN TWO HANDS. The Broadway Kids sell it within an inch of their stage moms.

There’s a thing or two I’d rearrange, insists Kevin D Young in the music hall funniness of “Christmas is Weird.” You know he’s right.

Fall Out Boy shuffles into “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out” with negligent nonchalance. Alt-grunge pop with depths of One awkward silence, and two Hopes you cry yourself to sleep Staying up waiting by the phone…. Yet i dig it.

Let’s get to the loot! I mean one present’s good… And yet YYAAMM forgot to get Two Presents for Jesus, One for Christmas and one for his birthday. Mood altering tinkly alt-pop for the novelty.

Just as odd, Johnny and The Raindrops have a request: Peace and love from you The two things you can give me. You might want to write it down… “Peace and Love This Christmas.” So, not just the love, kay?

Proper Crimbo” is British thing, so marvel at Bo Selecta jolly-rapping about getting stuff, like two trainers and whatnot. Weee!

Presents wrapped under the tree, One for you and two for me, quips Stephanie Ryan in the over twanged “What Christmas Means to Me.” Grabby.

Working from a Facebook news report, Jim Dimzey wails “Blame Chine (You Stole Our Christmas Day).” Meaning, Covid-19 interrupted somebody’s good time and they’re looking for payback. Or shopping: Maybe we can get a thing or two If we can buy it online. (Ya think?)

Bursting with joy and happiness and glee and love, Jonathan and Emily Martin insist you have a “Happy Christmas.” Eat a candy cane or two, they advise. I think that’ll make it worse. Attention: lots of credit given to God here.

Drinks are good, too! Dolly Parton pairs up Michael Buble for “Cuddle Up Cozy Down Christmas.” A glass of wine or two fits right in with this piano bar swing.

Boo Ray and Elizabeth Cook aw shucks the country with “All Strung Out Like Christmas Lights.” Problems seemed lessened when they go two more bottles of wine. But it’s hot in here.

That’s nothing. In “Straight Up Kentucky Christmas” there’s bottles EVERYWHERE. And this one guy, Some people even call him the grinch–But just a drink or two and the man you knew Was giving out some Christmas gifts. Swinging country swing from The Old Americana Band.

Waylan St. Palan & The Magic Elves boogie woogie into “Quarantine Christmas” with no pain. Maybe I’ll stay at home and drink some wine, A little sip of this and drink of that a chug or two is fine. Wild party for one.

Off-duty Santa had a drink or two; He’s a little pissed at the world And he’s gonna show you. Shmandarin rocks with “Scheming Santa” to tell you what it is.

More country comes Alex Southey with “Christmas in the Valley.” You said: There’s two coffees on Christmas And I’ve missed this season, but pretty soon we′re gonna forget this. A testimonial to the get-away.

Christmas Countdown: 5 more

Many a (rap) song mentions wanting a PS5, but i don’t care. A few carols allude to The Jackson 5. Whatevs. But we’re far from final with the fives.

Micah 5 mentions the prophet we celebrate, as told in the UK rapping “The Christmas Story.” Too many tea la las, but J.Walker from LTD is a clever freestyler, so okay.

The Mistletoe Tappers introduce themselves as lead “Roger the Polar Bear,” a multi-instrument penguin, and an arctic fox on drums. They rock the North Pole with an old-timer funk, Five encores later feeling high as a kite they bid adieu. Wild.

Just as weird, “The Serpent With a Star on His Head” allows a pagan approach to the birth of Christ. Sharks Teeth gets garage psychedelic with the symbolism: An inner-fire That you breathe With the five symbols on you. Ride it in glory.

Bad Santa” from L-T Terror is earthy, urban rap full of flava and eccentric references far from me: Big beard, five pack, Saint Nick, Merry Christmas. Five pack? Was he in an accident?

The Teeth interjects into Shannon Sionna’s “Trap Santa” with more rap lasciviousness: Keep a bag on me: I’ma bring you four or five gifts; I’m sliding down your chimney Stuffing stockings nice and naughty.

More kinky, All Students have a Christmas plan: As I see right before me your toes–I’m gonna suck (aye) One toe, two toes, all five down. “MistleToes” to the tune of Pachelbel is a pervy party (kinda like rap).

Some examples of how not to behave As a Christian, begins Terry Silva in his “Christmas Songs.” Pretty pop itemizes many naughty acts: Get down, get dirty, man on man, Try and jizz on his nose, spank his butt with a pan; F*ck 5 married women, steal their poo Then post it to your neighbour and covet his good. Marvy-mas.

Pleasant Bud’s “Christmas Party” adventure begins well: Presented my host with five apples in pie. But then the girl’s leg falls off… Cute filking.

Upbeat ragtime from Scottish the romantidote: “(Have Yourself) A Very Maudlin Christmas” is all about the disappointment of crowded get-togethers–Is there anybody else whose sick of sleigh-bells? Those five same movies that you’ve seen a thousand times? I believe you know this one.

Jumpy punk from Michael M recalls the Pandemic times of 2020: “I’m Fine with the Fact That I’ve Ruined Christmas.” Five packs of coveted toilet paper is one of the gifts, so far as i’m concerned, he saved Christmas.

Frankie and the Lake County Collective also claim “I’m So Over Christmas” with even more perky country pop. Same five songs everywhere I go... well, stop on by the blog. Just saying.

Christmas Countdown: 5 hours, minutes

Five hours can be an inconvenience during the hurly burly of the holidays. Andrew Erlagen country whines about how more family will arrive; We’ll all hear from uncle bob and his three hour drive And how all because of traffic It was closer to five in “That’s How You Know It’s Christmas.” Pretty comfy song overall.

Time can get away from you. Macklemore raps And now we stringing the lights up… Five hours later, we stringing the lights up. “It’s Christmastime” is some kind of inside joke for this crazy-ass family. Get it?

Shark Uppercut is BACK with holiday side effects. “Five Past Turkey” is the electronic warning that this guy is second-slice-of-pie done. Heed, all.

Pleasant Grove is wondering where the hell are you? Wishing forFive Minutes of Snow…” But the snow will never come. Garage bummer.

Miss Freedia had a time when she “Smoked Out with Santa.” By the time the munchies hit: Imma take you to some food cuz I know its finger lickin’–We went to Man-Chu we got the 5 minute chicken. More parody foolishness than actual rap.

Big Easy is feeling it the next morning: Can I please sleep in for just 5 more–5 More minutes is really all I need To fill this sleepy heart with glee. Tiny Dancer offers to smack him, though. Country jounciness for “On This Beautiful Christmas Day.”

Christmas Countdown: 5 P.M.

Santa’s Out on My Lawn” is not a drunk-shaming diatribe. In fact Michael Ballantyne has some half-serious rockabilly about the lawn ornament he installed. At 5:00 he gets the juice; I flip the switch and he cuts loose. Now everyone will want one.

ZuCo sets a pretty Yuletide home scene: Toss a log into the fire, The house is getting cold, It’s five o’clock the sun is going down… “Waiting for Christmas” is a soothing light pop lullaby.

Current Swell, in the other home, does not want to spend “Christmas Alone.” Five o’clock, no more than, start in an hour, We’re are all locked inside By the tension growing Along with the beast. Uh oh. Not gonna get merry that way despite the gentle folk pop.

Dreamy lite pop from Beane worries, Mid December gets dark around 5; I hate being alone without the light. “Alone Another Holiday” leans into the cold wintry regrets of the romantically insecure. You might need a hug after this one.

Step Savage also notices It’s only 5 O’clock, already pitch dark, but his rap “Snowy Daze” chins up and faces the frozen world (with pork and sauerkraut, and light arms). No moping!

In the middle of the seasonally affected depressed is Luke Markinson, who brazenly interrupts “All I Want for Xmas” with a BLUE ALERT rap about hating the song, though–It’s cold outside, Dark at a quarter of five; Don’t worry bout me I’ll be fine. Not sure in am so much now.

Must be 5 o’clock somewhere slurs Mark Erelli needing excuses to deal with “Not Quite Christmaswithout you here. Piano lounge pop, of course.

Needing more, Keith Varney belts out Just Get Me to Drunk in his hanging-by-a-thread country pop “Christmas Spirits.” It may be morning at home, But in the town of Bethlehem It’s five o’clock in the manger… is all the excuse he needs. Salut!

Finally upbeat are the homeless celebrating Christmas in Paradise” under the Cow Key Bridge. They look forward to Christmas dinner at 5 o’clock over at the Church of Life. Mary Gauthier keeps it quiet despite the steel drum and hollering y’alls.