Justin Drew Bieber went platinum when he was 15. That’s the power of youtube, bitches. Which also unleashed the trolls. Justin’s had several world records, including most ‘Hated” video of all time. His style pusher Usher may get the blame for his streetwise wannabe missteps, but he’s just a boy in a ‘Truman Show’ world of microscopic focus. And he can sing pretty well, which doesn’t get the attention any more.
Brittani Taylor has an appropriately awkward fan song “JUSTIN BIEBER CHRISTMAS!” based on ‘Hippopotamus.’ I kinda like it
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta as Lady Gaga has dropped five whole albums in less than 10 years but has broken world records and become a part of the cultural lexicon for her, how do you say?–boldness.
René Marcellus and Christina Hondromihalis have a parody of Lady Gaga that’s not so straight up. In 2010 they posted a Hannukah song to her (and Adam Sandler–they have a Funny or Die routine begging him to put them in a movie). This is not only a pastiche to her music, it is a tribute and–oh, i guess she’s not Jewish.
Since we’re recycling some of my previous discoveries, take note of Joshua Winslow Groban, a Californian high schooler who filled in for Andrea Bocelli at the Grammies and rocketed to fame. Fortunately it did not make him into an enormous dick: he’s into dozens of philanthropic endeavors even though he’s gone multiplatinum pretty much every recording.
13 Hands (a holistic New Jersey healing and comedy enclave) has a yummy ‘Holy Night’ tribute for Mr. Groban that makes me think i can fill a whole month with Christmas songs that simps repeat one phrase over and over (ahh–my funny bone… it tingles!). Pleas enjoy “Josh Grow Bean.”
Janet Damita Jo Jackson was the youngest of daddy Joe’s musical flea circus. She brought her name recognition to a masterfully branded musical/pornographic career from the beginning of the ’90s to today. As a result she’s controversial to a fault: is her high point ‘Poetic Justice’ or her Virgin Records dolla-dolla deal? Is her low point the FCC halftime 1/2 a million fine or ‘The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps’? I guess there’s some songs in there as well….
Girl power in the ’90s resulted in overhyped bands like The Spice Girls: Melanie Brown (“Scary Spice”), Melanie Chisholm (“Sporty Spice”), Emma Bunton (“Baby Spice”), Geri Halliwell (“Ginger Spice”), and Victoria Beckham, née Adams (“Posh Spice”). Their pop music was danceable fluff; their fun-fueled lifestyle was the role model for fan-forward female empowerment.
Which threatened the boys and resulted in cornball gutter comedy like Z100’s “Spice Girls Got Knocked Up by a Reindeer.” The cleaned up version by the same PDX radio station was “Spice Girls Got Run Over by a Reindeer.” Don’t compare.
John Michael Osbourne fronted Black Sabbath through the ’70s, soloed in the ’80s, and with a little help from savvy spouse Sharon branded in the ’90s. He is a punchline for his mush mouthed mumbling, an icon for his fearless geeking onstage, and a Hall of Famer for what his presence did to metal.
So of course Bob Rivers gots to has some of dat. “Have Yourself an Ozzy Little Christmas” is straight-faced and sweet as blood orange pudding.
Crack and crackhead-ery are a state of being as much as a physical/psychological condition.
Bobby Joe Ebola and the Children MacNuggits present “Spending Christmas on Crack” as a medley of horrifyingly humorous Christmas parodies enthemed with the tragedy of human suffering. Not so much with the actual drugs. So there.
Now don’t remember, kids’ songs and human despair are a comic contrast that can’t miss. “Frosty the Crackhead” is a labor of love from Charlie Price (it seems to go on well past its point). Sores on his face? Tell me more for two more minutes! “Frosty the Dope Man” from Keith from up da Block is slightly less successful. But the karaoke soundtrack is sprightly. JoeyCast has a bit more BLUE fun. Knock Out ups the beat (also BLUE).
Karl Bingle borrows from ‘So They Say’ with “Crackhead Christmas,” setting the scene for an unholy night with pretty strumming.
Catch your breath, and we’ll spin a couple more silly songs sneaking weed into carols.
A 2015 take on ‘Let It Snow’ begs for legalization in “Let Us Toke.” Please stop and rewind at two minutes in, or bear the foolishness of WeedPornDaily playing around.
An unnamed jolly vocalist revels in “Frosty the Dopeman.” Dig that dixieland!
Stoner Stan breathily gasps through “Pack the Bowls” more for himself than us.
Some of the Christmas weed songs are basic silly parodies. Because stoners like/are/get silly.
Afroman raps his parodies barely keeping a straight face, especially with “O Chronic Tree.” Hoo brother.
Jimmy Hamms cranks out the mockery in Degenerate Christmas Carols Vol. 3 (i guess)with another take: “Oh Shitty Weed.” (Barely Blue.) Yawn.
Blunt has taken the time to Reggae up ‘Rocking Around’ with “Smoking’ up the Christmas Tree.” Not a bad Cheech and Chong backup.
Jenna C. Johnson is cast in a fantasy montage as the evil-bong bearer flipping quickly through nearly a dozen cutesier-pie cut-ups on Christmas carols you already know, but with a cant toward cannabis. “I’ll be High for Christmas” is lively, but only as funny as it needs to be.
Smarter, but less parodic, “Little Dealer Boy” by Willie Nelson (from The Colbert Report) posits the parable of homegrown presents to the Baby J. This one’s a keeper.
Marijuana instead of mistletoe for Christmas? Well i wouldn’t wanna eat the poisonous latter in brownies. Nor would i like to see slacker-nip stapled to my transoms. I suppose it depends on the frame of mind, and who’s coming over later.
Dent May sucks all the joy out of family and gathering with “I’ll be Stoned for Christmas,” a lounge-rock bit of melting melancholy that captures the wasted life.
Bob Rivers trots out the obliggo Dean Martin parody “I’ll be Stoned for Christmas.” But it’s all about alcoholism. That was last month! Too many cross-over slang sayings for both!! John Valby also takes drinking seriously (not comically) (well…offensively: BLUE ALERT).
Finally The Ronnie bus brings us a sticky-based parody in “I’ll be Stoned for Christmas.” On the other hand, it’s about NOT getting the tea in time for the twenty-fifth.
All style, no wit from Zak Scott as ‘Harry Khronick, Jr.’ with his “I’ll be Stoned for Christmas.” The word stoned is the only substitution in the entire song, but the wavery vocals and percussive keyboards sell this schtick.
Achieving altered states, leaving the bodily plane, getting messed up is not the sole provenance of alcohol. Also looping in are many other recreational pharmaceuticals. Partiers partake around the festivals of wintertime for their own reasons, some not completely of their own volition. So let us take a step back and solemnly observe the psychedelic in forms leafy or pill, tab or syringe, patch or line as pertains to Christmas. In novelty song form, natch. [NO RECOMMENDATION OR CONSIDERATION EXCEPT IN HUMOR IS BEING AFFORDED TO ANY DRUGS: CARTELS, BIG PHARMA, ADDICTION ALL SUCK.]
I don’t mean to blur the lines, but the headiness of the holy celebrations might cause out of body altered states just pondering the miracles of the meaningfulness of the month. Paperbacks plays out that wild abandon with “Let’s Get Lit” like a Christmas Tree. No actual drugs are indicated, only goof-foolery. And we don’t want this month to be only about idiocy.
To indicate the seriousness of the subject matter we shall begin with the ’12 Days’ gateway parody, largely unfunny (unless you’re already high) and mostly lacking in wit or purpose. If these scare you straight, then so be it.
Purportedly Jack Black’s Tenacious D walk through their “12 Drugs of Christmas,” which is tagged as originally by Mushroom Tabernacle Choir back in the ’70s, when it had more giggle-impact.
Slightly more updated, Cypherden fetes Breaking Bad with “12 Days of Drugs.” This is more in-joke than actual narcotic reference. Sung like he knows better.
More lively, well more Renn Faire, come PlastGresham with “12 Days of Stoner Christmas.” This is more about the less illicit, or at least more recently decriminalized, drugs of choice. (Also grass-centric are “The 12 Tokes of Christmas” by Brandy Wakelam–gleeful; “12 Days of Weedmas” by Zar, Thaddeousz, and Crypton the Creature–amateur hour; “12 Blunts of Christmas” by Uncle E–monotonous.)
