Taking a sudsy breather from the hard stuff, beer (and other grainy fortified brews) may apply what the elves in Santa’s backroom call a buzz: just enough of an edge to make musicians think they’re funny. So make way for a barful of parodies.
Brian of the WGAR morning show (Cleveland’s Great Lakes ale) “Christmas Ale Song.” Give it a 5.
Now, hot mulled spiced apple cider may be promoted to the echelons of wassail and beget a centuries old Christmas tradition of begging from the rich (your parents) for your gifties.
The Waverly Consort by Michael Jaffee presents ye olde version of “The Gloucester Wassail:” a Christmas heritage of singing nicely nicely for refreshment. Blur grinds this out more menacingly as “The Wassailing Song.” Scary–pass out the cups, hurry.
“Apple Tree Wassail” also harmonizes as a threat, especially as by The Watersons. Is this what would’ve won Medieval Idol?
The “Here We Come a-Wassailing” one i’m more familiar gets a boss ‘billy beat by Under the Streelamp. We’ll include it for reference only.
Big Rock Creek Band have a slight parody called “The Waffle Song.” Apparently these Waffles are naughty children who deserve no treat.
The funny literalist Samuel Stokes clears up the whole mess for us with his “Here We Come A-Wassailing (The American Edition).” Get ready for Brit-bashing of a low caliber.
Oddly, we will not end our Christmas meal with dessert. We had that first last month. But we will end appropriately, with leftovers.
Conor’s Comedy Minutes channel doodles around with the sadness of having leftovers others haven’t enjoyed. “Leftovers” is at best improvisational, but he puts himself out there with some little r’n’r. Sample it a bit; i’m not sure i’d recommend sticking around for the whole ordeal.
Definitely not a fan of the ’12 Days’ parodies, but Outback Steak House has posted a damn clever Aussie inspired “12 Days of Leftovers” as an advert to chase you into their meaty meeting messhall. The sassy accents, the horrifying puppetry, the gross-out factor–it’s just right.
Santa should watch his intake, let’s be frank. Songs about Kris’s recommended diet include Jack Servello singing “Fat Free Santa” (sugary fun), Sha Na Na with “Santa’s on a Diet” (r’n’r mashed potatoes), The Uncle Brothers h’yucking “Santa’s Diet” (runny oompah), Michael T Hogg’s “Santa’s on a Diet” (pressed ham country), Elfish Pressley trying too hard with “Santa’s on a Weight Loss Plan” (creamed country comedy), and The Poets jamming to “Santa’s on a Diet” (delicious bluegrass).
Diets are not the gift you want that time of year. His Own gets the family together to hip hooray for gluttony with “Christmas Time is No Time to Diet.” You knew that, but did you want to sing it with the easy listening melodies here? Yum yum yum.
The Christmas Pranksters jazz up ‘Night Before’ with “‘Twas the Diet Before Christmas.” Yes, it’s the nightmare of not eating everything in sight. With the electric keyboard set to ‘glass jars.’
After Christmas diets make living hard, too. jsbarber1 posts a lovely lady singing “I’m Gonna Have to Diet After Christmas” to ‘Hipopotamus.’ She’s pretty good and I guess that takes the sting of watching what you eat out a touch.
These days, moreover, you can’t just cook ANYTHING for anyone for Xmas dinner. Allergies, GI ailments, health regimens have made grandma obsolete. Before we print the menu, let’s check in with the family and spouses to see what THEY can’t have.
Lisa sets her lament to ‘Rudolf’ and humors up the frustration in “Lisa’s Christmas Dinner Song.” Poor Lisa. Have another glass.
Perhaps the original of this late night adult talent show winner is from Sandy and Richard Riccardi. “The Holiday Dinner Party” oozes club schmaltz but does well for all that. The audience digs it.
What else is coming out for the carnivore course for Christmas?
Reindeer are made of meat, so a couple silly musical musings play with this food.
Jeff Dunham sings a song i’ve featured by some other bar band earlier. His Bubba J character leaves out a verse, but still captures the country howler “Road Kill Christmas” nicely to a live audience, albeit interrupted by other envious puppets.
Mighty Magical Pants have the most fun with “Rudolph on the Barbecue.” Great rock bass line. Whether or not it’s actually the red-nosed one on the cooker is up for grabs.
Don’t worry reindeer lovers, general meat may also be the subject of noel.
Atonal spoken poetry growled out to progressive folk with a trilling Irish accent may sound like a novelty Christmas music dare from me to you. Dead Raven Choir imagines a world less than pristine in “Christmas Meat – carrion.” You better be in the right mood, or you’ll be sorry.
Stza Crack delivers a song plagued with technical difficulties. “Tainted Meat” relates Santa’s eating misadventures corrected by Jesus with rude garage rock.
Defaulting to the more wholesome, Farmer Derek jollies up ‘Rockin’ ’round the Christmas Tree’ with “Walking around a T-bone Steak.” It rocks classically, though the meal the steak is dedicated towards is never limned as the holy one.
What to make for Xmas? Throw it all in a 9 x 12 and call it good.
“Aunt Clara’s Christmas Casserole” by ‘Clara’s Kinfolk’ (Probably Jack Servello) warns family of the dreaded elderly traditional potluck. Careful with that hee haw humor, it’ll grow an ad-lib on your reunion the size of a confabulation.
The Christmas Chids work up a sweat with their “Casserole of the Bells.” It sure is pretty. Lean in if you want to feel the full flavor. That cathedral sized echo may make you miss some.
There will be a time to be named in the days to come when we will visit nations thither and yon and know their Christmas songs.
This is not that time.
But, to honestly discuss foods for yule fuel, mention and attention must be paid to the descendants of Romulus and Remus. No “Italian Christmas Time” can be sung without scraps of food fitting into the chorus. Mike KC authenticates, with a little help from ‘finicula finiculi.’
Granting equal time, the ‘Irish’ applied to “Christmas Time Spaghetti” from Max DeGroot (featuring his imaginary helium voiced bear friend, Tipper) admits to the coopting of international foods, rather than some bizarre post-colonial power struggle. I mean, it IS a kids’ song. And a darling li’l parody of ‘Kilarney.’
No time for that banquet? Fast food for Christmas, baby.
The Fast Food Rockers don’t actually sing about fast food in their song “The Fat Food song (Festive Edition).” The original is the old camp song about the Bell, KFC, and Mickey Ds. This mentions turkey, but envelopes you in a hysterical hyperactive British shock treatment.
The seminal sensation in greasy high mass foods is “Ding, Fries are Done” originally from the Robert Lund album Elves Gone Wild 2003. While there have been so-called “ghetto” versions [BLEEPED BLUE ALERT], and “rap” take-offs, and even an “old world carolers” bit, the world knows this from the Family Guy show.
Another Christmas sandwich?! Holy hamburgers, Jesus!
Honorable mention to the end credits of the Sinbad movie ‘Houseguest’ wherein he and Phil Hartman sing holiday hamburger hymns. Hardee’s-har.
The Pork Guys get more visceral with their party punk “Rudolph Burger… Hold the Nose.” We’ve covered reindeer meat for Xmas feasting before, but the burger category is a little lean, so i submit this anthem of mayhem to warm your nights.
Jason Johnson goes full country parody topping off Alabama’s ‘Christmas in Dixie’ with pickles mayo for his “Christmas at Wendy’s.” This is what we here in R&D at novelty Christmas music dot com look for in prize playables from our lab to your home.
The Fairy Tale Pops is the 21st century version of sweatshop kids’ music. They crank out albums into dollar bins based on fairy tales Disney made movies out of but don’t own the Grimms’ copyrights to.
I don’t mean to malign their talent, verve, or business acumen (although their fan site has “0 fans” as of this writing). I think this flashy, percussive, bubblegum is just as good for children as Mozart in the womb. It has a formative place in human development.
I say all this because they have a complete album devoted to a particular Christmas cookie: The Gingerbread Man’s Christmas.
Featured tunes include the swinging pop “Gingerbread Man, Gingerbread Man” set to ‘Silent Night,’ a sassy ersatz-rock “The Chase,” and sweet harmony country style “Sweet and Tasty Pastry.” Set to ‘Up on the Housetop’ “The Great Christmas Eve Cookie Calamity” sets the whole story up, however, with vertiginous rhythms and electronic orchestrations out of science fiction.
