Royalty Free Lyrics “The X-Mens’ Xmas”

Been a comic book reader since 1966 or so. Collected way back when. Not much left. In fact, i’m not sure what superheroes are up to these days (apologies to my middle school drawing buddy, Ron). But you are what you read, and this title was there for the taking, so–

The X-Mens’ Xmas

Professor Christ-savior sent mental commands
For all elf and mutants to do what they can
To save the holidays from the greedy and damned
While wearing black and yellow for no reason.

   Scott's eyebeams led them through the snow and fog,
   Jean's telekinesis dropped gifts down flus,
   Iceman helped the sleigh travel through Florida,
   And Beast beat down the doors with no fireplace.

Then governments sent Sentinels to stop the joy
Making parents shop on line for every toy.
Another generation would needs must be deployed,
More mutants helped--once Magneto they destroyed.

   Collosus hefted furniture as gifts,
   Kitty Pride peeped though walls to see kids sleep,
   Nightcrawler 'bamf'ed the presents under trees,
   Wolverine killed Scrooge, The Grinch, and Hans Gruber, three.

The public turned against them, picketing the grounds,
And the Professor's killed--the seventh time around.
Future versions warned them: Yule's doomed as doomed can be,
So New Mutants used Warlock as a Christmas tree.

   Cannonball made quick work of deliveries,
   Sunspot powered up the sleigh--which had used wood,
   Madrox made multiples to fight The Tick's nemesis,
   Legion changed all reality to good.

Chock full o’ inside jokes. Which i may have gotten off base, as i was never a big fan of this romance comic turned anti-racist primer. Retro rock for this, a la Herman’s Hermits or sumpin’. (I think.) And if Disney/Fox wants to come after me for honoring this legacy’s early years… they know where to find me.