Royalty Free Lyrics “The Twelve Years of Christmas”

After blowing up my skills on an earlier ’12 Days’ parody, i still have to admit to liking those caroldies of ’12’ that never repeat any of the lines (while i still loathe the original for its headache inducing redundancy). So another idea i’d been batting around was baby’s first Christmas… times twelve. In other words, what’d we get the kid each year until teenagery twisted the whole present-thing up into uncertain resentments. That would mean plenty of room to list or explain more presents each try, as one does, to buy the love of that little person. (I do have a grownup offspring; so i do have to say that, even though i began this as a list of regular gifts, it gets personal.)

The Twelve Years of Christmas

On my child's first Christmas
We truly gave to him
His full name on a glass ball

On my child's second Christmas
We truly gave to him
Santa onesies
And shoes that blinked when you took steps

On my child's third Christmas
We truly gave to him
Chocolate mints
A fire truck
Dr. Seuss books that we read to him

On my child's fourth Christmas
We truly gave to him
A baseball mitt
A Lite Brite
Red roller skates
And a Batman action figure

On my child's fifth Christmas
We truly gave to him
Rubik's cube!
Toobers & Zots
Three pairs socks
Some Mega Bloks
And a big stuffed alligator

On my child's sixth Christmas
We truly gave to him
Two coloring books
Lego sets!
Dinosaur books
Turtle necks
And six videos (of) Pokemon

On my child's seventh Christmas
We truly gave to him
Rescue dog from the pound
More Bionicles
Yu-gi-oh cards
Foaming bath wash
Set of chocolates from the world

On my child's eighth Christmas
We truly gave to him
The Simpsons' Clue game
Super Marbler Construct(ion)
Lego pirate ship
Rock tumbler!
Creepy Crawlers
A dart board
A Paint'n'Swirl
And a bubble blowing machine

On my child's ninth Christmas
We truly gave to him
A woodburning kit
Crystal growing kit
Pokemon Arena
Pop Bottle Science
Chemistry set
Connect Four
A Whoopee cushion
3D puzzle of Titanic

On my child's tenth Christmas
We truly gave to him
Marble Run Vortex
Harry Potter books
Card Captors board game
Puzzle sphere of the earth
Digital wrist watch
Twelve card decks!
The game Mousetrap
Crochet hooks
Dungeons and Dragons starter set

On my child's eleventh Christmas
We truly gave to him
Jackie Chan Adventure shows
Hercules board game
More Pokemon decks
Nintendo Gameboy
Chess & checkers set
Velcro shoes!
A stuffed wolf
Carcassonne game
Dungeon Master's Guide three point five

On my child's twelfth Christmas
We truly gave to him
Dragon figurines
Big Guy & Rusty puzzle
Another stuffed wolf
Discworld books
A venus flytrap
Atlantis Stargate discs
Settlers of Cattan
Punching bag!
Risk board game
Air Hogs R/C
Pounds of loose rings to knit chain mail

Meter scans for crap, and this song never cared about the rhyme. But i feel like this is a psychological study into a person. You could redo this idea into the profile of a budding nut job with weirder and weirder offerings. I mean that wasn’t my intention. Many of these things are up in our attic, and our son is fine (largely). So this might just be for me… Next!