One is not just the loneliest number; it’s a pronoun, an article, a weirdly spelled adjective meaning alone. But we’re so tired of the countdown, we will not include EVERY CHRISTMAS SONG EVER that mentions everyone/anyone/no one/a/the/that/this/I/you/etc… No! Let’s dig up some GOOD stuff.
Where else to start but with Dead Sex Puppets and “Santa’s Buried in My Back Yard.” It’s punk! It’s pop! It’s got an alibi!
Which cues up Pup Punk’s deadpan hilarious “Just One Christmas.” See, Mom and Dad WON’T get a divorce like all the other parents, whose kids get two Christmases. It’s so upsetting that BLUE ALERT!
Time for one more pop punk tune about existential dread? Problem Patterns has fun with “Christmas Number One.” No numbers were harmed in the singing of their woes.
Princess Superstar raps a weird mash-up about blond ambition with “I Hope I Sell a Lot of Records at Christmas Time.” There’s one Xmas star.
Sevenbow adds a welcome touch of meta-wink to their metal “One Minute Christmas Song.” Otherwise, it’d be only music.
Which reminds me to re-listen to Bah & The Humbugs’s “One Minute Manger,” ’cause that’s funny, too.
Chatty comedy from Axis of Awesome takes task with ’12 Days’ in their “One Day of Christmas.” No celebrates more than one day of Christmas!
Lauren Mayer (and son) attack Christmas with “Eight is Better Than One.” Hanukkah is more fun! Electronic version of their pop.
Hoping to prolong the one day The Benefit & the Chinese Firekits sing (badly) “(Give Me One More) Christmas Cheer.” Hurray! Stumbling pop.
Mono Puff’s one Christmas wish results in harm in the pleasingly alt-pop “Careless Santa.” Crime doesn’t pay; but Christmas wishes should!