TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Tree Topper

Then there are the BEST Christmas trees ever. Not so many of these.

Starshine Singers meld mites’ voices together to find “The Perfect Christmas Tree.” There it is.

The Perfect Christmas Tree” becomes a mighty symbol for The Hot Buttered Elves. It will solve all problems, make nights bright, change you tires in the snow… i guess. Experimental alt folk, with a nihilistic edge– gets bloody.

Jesus gives the sacrifice so The Worship Crew can have “The Perfect Tree.” That might give them an edge in the neighborhood competition. Pop gospel.

Jonah Knight gives us the dance number we need, not the dance number we want. “Perfect Tree” rambles on millennial style about broken dreams and trouble with the cops. But it’s party music.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Root Seller

The game to find the Christmas tree smacks of beauty contest. We judge. But with budgetary constraints, sometimes the trees falter, tremble, and– TIMBER!!

I know, i know… you’re thinking Charlie Brown. But what about little Johnny’s love for the crooked mutt sung about in Tim Lafleche’s “The Naked Little Christmas Tree“? Actually, it IS the same moral: a little love (and a lot of decorations) will beautify anything. (And the gifts matter more, anywho.)

A Skinny Little Christmas Tree” cries take me home via the Quinto Sisters. It’s ’64 the fun for pop children’s music.

Al Jarreau sings to “The Little Christmas Tree” ’cause he does appreciate it and wants it. Oh, it’s like his kid… Now i’m not so sure.

The scary mutant of the bunch might be “Crummy Christmas Tree” from The Superions. Lite pop with a Schroeder-style toy piano accompaniment, but watch out for the sad ending.

Mafia and Fluxy make that “Little Christmas Tree” sound like someone special with their reggae.

The Stargazers have that song you may have heard as a kid, “A Little Fir Tree.” The whole forest chips in to help… than Santa shows up… well, you’ll just have to tune in to find out what’s next.

Eddy Gober attempts the country music scene with his gargling “My Broken Christmas Tree.” Poor cripple won’t ever have a home, until….

Tyler Meacham sells the sad apartment dweller’s holiday centerpiece with “Pathetic Little Christmas Tree.” It’s adorable folk with just a soupçon of jazz. And so is she.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: A Copse of Conifer Corpses

The only good Christmas tree is a dead Christmas tree! This wholesale slaughter has already been celebrated in my bloggy way with fetching jazz drumline gusto by Screaming Headless Torsos and also, best of all, by Celtic Elvis‘s Gregorian chanting.

BUT ALSO– Paul Garding sits us down in a circle for the folk styled “Kill a Tree for Christmas.” Give him a minute, he’ll soften the blows.

RuddOsophy gets more novelty comical with his caroling country “Let’s Go Kill Us a Christmas Tree” complete with forest animal sidekick singing foil. It’s a 7.5 on the ha-ha richter scale.

Let’s admit it, the eco-freaks are twaddle-minded hippies who’d rather have verdant stands than homes filled with desiccating cheer. Let them sing along with Dr BLT’s bluegrass anthem: “Christmas Tree Hugger.” Watch out for those spikes they sabotage ’em with!

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Botany Trees Lately?

Where’s the tree of your dreams? Down the street, hanging out on the corner, waving in the breeze, trying to catch your attention like a common streetwalker.

Hilary Marckx has a lot of fun with grassy blues in “Christmas Tree Boogie.” Well, it might be the forest or the lot–just get some!

Gary Wilson is clearly set on buying “A Christmas Tree for Two.” No cutting, just romancing. Although, the disco-asian pop isn’t helping.

Wait, what is that growing in your yard. “I Do Believe That’s a Christmas Tree,” claim The Hot Buttered Elves. With that brand of experimental garage i’d stand back, i would.

Mels Motel’s “Little Christmas Tree Shop” reminds us that the symbolism of anticipation that is the going-for-the-tree could be used for –nearly anything. Indecipherable folk.

And some of these rackets are cut and carry. “Arnie’s Christmas Tree Farm” is alt country hoo hawery from Three Day Threshold & Summer Villains. I call shotgun!

The children’s version (with raised voices arguing!) arrives care of Brent & Woofy via “Christmas Trees at Gogo’s Farm.” Boogie woogie at half speed. Is this a commercial?

Money Casholini and The Other Guy make us a parody we can’t refuse: ‘Tannenbaum’ with a wise guy twist. “Oh! Christmas Tree” gives 110% to this money laundering, erm–legitimate biz.

Not enough parody? Reliable Bob Rivers pokes at ‘Rockin” with “Shopping Around for a Christmas Tree.” Makes it seem ridiculous.

Alt rock millennial whining from Vincent Gargiulo nails it down. “Christmas Tree Lot” is the soliloquy of the weary seasonal worker and it just might tug at your heartstrings.

TreeMenodus Holiday Fun: I Saw Trees

Tromp tromp tromp, whew! Hack hack hack, hooboy! The extraction of the right evergreen is almost as hard as giving virgin birth!

Take this word of warning to heart through Erik Darling’s “Revenge of the Christmas Tree.” Frolicsome bluegrass, yes; but beware, boyo! The tree might bite back.

With a little help, p’raps it could be jolly. Dick Gardiner offers the twanging country tale of a little boy who follows a stranger into the woods with “Santa Helped Me Cut a Christmas Tree.” (I’m not sure, but i think the little boy was institutionalized while his brothers moved on…).

For those who axe, Maple Leaf Learning teaches us counting and clear cutting with “Three Christmas Trees.” Xylophonically childish!

Jug band hee holiday fun from Max E Voltz who wants to go out and cut down “A Natural Christmas Tree.” Consider my knee slapped. (But watch out for the twist ending.)

Brassy jazz from Danish Big Band Radio (feat. Mads Mathias) might remind you of smokey joints without family values, but “Chop Chop (The Xmas Tree)” wails and nails it down home.

The blues pick up the pace for “Last Minute Chopping” from Dr. BLT. Bubbas with axes.

Peter Lerman swings up another classy slab of jazz with “Let’s Chop Down a Christmas Tree.” It’s the big band look at family fun–tree-doh, diddy-o, tree-oh!

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Pining for the Woods

Where dey at? I want a tree, how do i find one?!

Aiko Tomi’s gentle tympanic pop guides us through the quest with “Christmas Tree.” She’s at home with her soaring range.

Tom Paxton’s got a plan for the family and explains how “We are Going to Get Our Christmas Tree.” It’s kiddie doggerel, but i can’t stop listening… and it seems to never end.

The Christmas Kids detail “The Christmas Tree Search” by some elves (sounds like ‘Jack and Jill’ to me), but dig that bass bridge.

Bluegrass sounds like family! Bud’s Collective downhomes “Daddy’s Christmas Tree” so you know what his childhood was really like. Watch out, they don’t always get their tree in the same way. The message muddles.

Eric and Paul, The Jacobsen Brothers weave a honky tonk hope of romantic aspirations with “I Want a Real Christmas Tree.” I want more songs like this.

Also garage pop fun is “Going to Get the Tree” from Maxwell, Miranda, Parsely. Classic Christmas carol done party-right.

Karin Hovey soothes with melodic folk. “Family Christmas Tree” is a Robert Frost-style reminiscence over the hills. It’s the fiddlin’ makes you cry.

No better instruction than the outsider telling you how he’s imitating your traditions… Jonathan Mann explains this better with “Jewish Family Gets Christmas Tree from the Woods.” Plunkety boogie woogie sells this cultural mashup WITHOUT guilt, if you can believe that.

The New Christy Minstrels, perhaps, circle the square with the most straight-laced, happening burst of vocal joy to get us in the tree-hunting mood: 1963’s “Christmas Trees.” Resist, ye hipster, and be of sorrow.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Whatcha Waitin’ Fir?

We’ll deal with Xmas personifications a bit later. But that deep-rooted desire to be taken home is systemic from limb to limb throughout the thicket…

Perhaps the songs should say it for them:

Certainly Stevie Wonder makes the case with “One Little Christmas Tree.” This ’67 R+B tear jerker involves a whole tree family and some extra angel granting wishes. Ooooh, aaaah. (Countrified by Jennifer Lind.)

Marty Merchant chortles out a kids’ song country pop weeper, “Lonely Christmas Tree.” Desperate, needy, dying little thing.

Parry Gripp goes imaginatively, juvenilely delusional with “Christmas Tree in the Lot.” Some kid sleeps with one eye on the window watching the tree for sale across the street. Is that tree lonely, just like him? No, it’s dead, but in a cool folk-song way.

Tremendous Holiday Fun: Whaddya Need-le?

The yearning for spruces leaning in to you come December!

Kid pleasing The Animal Band give in to arboreal lust with “I Want a Tree,” but their cajun-rock allows for religious motivation.

Lacey Roland also stirs the kids up with “I Love a Christmas Tree.” Blue grass middle of the road.

The Jamborees also need “The Christmas Tree.” A notch above usual kid stuff, this agitated pop haunts and earworms equally.

One more kidsong, p’raps a bit lowkey here… Pauline Burr (as The Little ‘Uns) plaintively wails out for that “Sweet Little Tree” as if all our hearts would break.

Music Hall maestro Roy Hudd from 1978 explains “(Everyone Needs a) Christmas Tree” at Christmas. Pretty, tinkly pop.

Tremendous Holiday Fun: Plant a Suggestion

People ask about trees. You better have answers ready.

‘On Her Majesty’s Secret Service’ may be the most heavily footnoted James Bond entry, and it also gives us “Do You Know How Christmas Trees are Grown?” (Hint: with love.) The original comes from Nina van Pallandt, although ’60s UK charter, Jackie DeShannon, has a more lugubrious try also from 1969.

Harold Rippy asks “Baby, What Kind of Christmas Tree You Want?” with pop alt folk trippiness. It’s all in the name of love.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Run Forest Run

Evergreens don’t lose their leaves, so they don’t really ‘die,’ so they’re just like my immortal bra Christ. Or maybe it’s Druidic and celebrates the animus of dendritic growth. Anywho, someres after Protestantism began, firs in the shape of wreaths and room-fitting saplings were brought inside to help elaborate, expand, and freshen up the smell of the celebration of God’s gift to man.

And we’re not just stuck on parodies of ‘Tannenbaum’ here (a nod to the Germanic origins). There’s a dumpload of songs about the greenery of the party. Many I’ve already linked (and may link again).

So let’s go down to the woods today and be sure of a big surprise. From The Magic of Christmas come The Magic of Christmas Singers with “Christmas in the Forest.” This Killarney come-on somnolently celebrates gnomes worshipping Christ. Right.

Just as mystically Welsh Coleggwent Musical Theatre presents a riverdance glee club “Proudly in the (Christmas) Forest.” Their precision and harmony are dumbfounding, but it’s like watching computer programming for the joy it brings.

More family friendly is the traditional Russian “The Forest Raised a Christmas Tree.” Oddly i can’t find this in English. So try a swinging jazz rendition from The Children’s Studio.

Finally let’s light up the Renaissance folk song popularized slightly by Joan Baez. “Down in Yon Forest” reveres JC’s aborning, but it’s so swaddled in symbology (not a real forest after all) this dirge riddles more than celebrates. Enjoy.