Presents of Mine: sack o’ ren

So sweet come the Christmas songs about the real present for you, even i submit. (Not made of stone, people.)

If we’re talking cornball, i should point out that overly sentimental does not a poor musical decision make–songs can be fine while pouring on the sugar. Cultural footnote Don Ho goes soulful with “The Christmas Gift” (not a wise choice in backup singer, though).

A bit young, but also soulful, Victoria Majors croons “Present for Christmas” for that special boy (under 20, i presume).

Not exactly the velvet fog, Jeff Meegan really cools “Let Her Gift be Me.” Jazz you can snuggle to.

Neal and Leandra have a quiet young parents moment in their unplugged folk “The Present.” Play it quietly after rest of all the family is down and you’re alone with that certain someone.

Presents of Mine: seriously, you only got me you?

A few more tolerable love only gifts for Xmas

The Hot Rods croon and whistle some low key rockabilly with “I Don’t Want Your Christmas Presents (I Just Want Your Christmas Kisses).” At least i know now that your present is more than just present. It gives back!

Friends of Sound minimally deliver the message about your worth vis a vis presents in the dance-electronic pop number “I Don’t Want Presents.” I don’t want to stop the beat.

Commercial 1970s pop from Mifflin Lowe from a concept kids album follows Wilton Wilberry and his quest for the best Christmas present. Well, as you should have learned by now, “My Very Best Present is You.”

Cool cool cool doo wop from Jimmy Beaumont and The Skyliners, “You’re My Christmas Present” is that 1957 early RnR gem you need to play for her.

Retro rock from The Four Corners beckons you to dance with me, ‘cuz “My Gift to You (It’s Me).” Cut that rug, slice that carpet, shred that floormat.

Presents on Mine: quit gifting yourself

Some also rans in the gargantuan category of Love Present for Christmas deserve some partial listening to.

Maria Aragon (w/Liona Boyd) corrida pop on “My Special Christmas Present is You.” I like how hard it is to identify the genre.

Special needs Guys and Dolls have an actual message in their pop folk “Don’t Worry About Presents This Christmas (Just Give Me Your Time).” No, they can’t sing, but they can make you feel pretty awful about yourself.

Hot (but slightly square) jazz from Gordy Pratt (feat. Christina Watson) seduces you with “I’m a Present.” Clever mom wit.

Presents of Mine: me too

Girls just want to have boys for their presents, according to professionally recorded, mega-produced, nearly listenable songs like these.

Doris Day wants presents, but you honey are the loveliest “Christmas Present” of them all. If you’d just come home. Uh, Doris… if he’s not present, he’s not a present. Helen Welch bosa novas this one for your groovy bachelor pad party. Swingin’ codependency!

Kacey Musgroves is lonely without you here. Without you she’s like a “Present without a Bow.” (I think she means she‘s without a beau [It is to laugh!].) Country bubblegum.

Dr. BLT switches the beat with electronica-hiphop a la “Christmas Shopping for Love.” I love the down and dirty sentiment, but how do you box up this abstraction, girl?

The Chicks (a 1960s Swedish girl rock group) (i guess) think you are the best “Christmas Present.” And they keep to the beat. Believe it.

Presents of Mine: me me me

Once we get to the actual presents for Christmas, we must bear in mind, some of the worst, schmaltzy, banal, time-wasting tripe in Christmas song is the I-WANT-YOU cliche. If that’s all you want for Christmas i hope you didn’t meet her last summer and wasted all Fall pining. And i hope you don’t think some magical Santa sack is gonna enslave her to your will, you pathetic wanna-be rapist. If, on the other scummy hand, you NEED-NO-OTHER-PRESENTS then you should take another look at the whole Western Civ notion of the holiday, ‘cuz either yo’ broke or unimaginative. When you’re more romantic than materialistic, why even observe the Big C? Don’t even cheapen the Hallmark moment with that word ‘presents.’

But…

Some pretty cool songs do metaphorize the gift for the giver. I submit to the saccharine for a week.

J B Summers grooves you back to the ’40s with “I Want a Present for Christmas.” Wailing pre-rock ‘n’ roll jazz band wanting on that present, ‘cuz he’s tired a’ bein’ alone. Tiny Grimes‘s verzh is more approachable, less raw.

Do wop that “Christmas Present” with Raymond Peace. You’ll be glad you did. It’s a song that money can buy.

Swing with Jon Aley and “The Best Darn Present in the Whole Wide World.” I’m glad i did. It’s a song i posted.

 

 

Presents of Mine: boxing day

Is the gift unseemly? Perhaps a nice box?

“A Box Full of Love for Christmas” by Kitty Terry whets our appetite for better music. Nice urban blues. But mushy.

Alan Hull misunderstands on purpose when he sings about “Cardboard Christmas Boxes” as homes for the homeless. See what you did with your British pop, there, making me engage my social consciousness? Hey!

The same conceit from Heywood Banks makes me smirk more. “Christmas Box” as tragicomedy!

Dan Groggin belittles his “Christmas Box” as being basically empty from the musical ‘Nuncrackers.’ Save your modesty, Dan.

KiWi ramps up the metal fun with “What’s in the Present Box?” good luck getting an answer in edgewise.

The Mikmaks give kidsong a good name with their rocking “What’s in the Box?” Now i wanna know.

Karling Abbeygate tries to creep us out with the suspensefully gothic “What’s in the Box.” Kooky pop.

Jerry Darlak ups the party quotient with “What’s in the Box? Polka.” It’s a mystery, and this guy wrapped it!

Watch out, i’m about to spring parang upon ye–you may find yourself powerless to still your feet. Charm B. celebrates “Christmas Box” with Caribbean craziness.

Presents of Mine: bad paper

How can anyone misconstrue the innocent notion of wrapping Christmas gifts?

Spongebob Square Pants (feat. Patrick) ruins the joy with their hyperactive hijinks in “Pretty Ribbons and Bows.” Hard rock screaming for the kiddos.

Shifinger have a whole ‘nother use for our product with “Xmas Paper up My Arse.” Be assured, it was out of absolute necessity. Colorful punk.

Dr. BLT (feat. Gary LaDuke) repurpose our topic with “Wrap It up,” which is not about paper at all–it’s about (shhh) protecting the gift below the belt. Not exactly blue bluesy folk.

ADHD time in the (un)wrapping dept. Porter Christensen’s “Bubble Wrap Rap” seems to be harmless white hip hop about a boy and his love of packaging. Then–fight scene!

DG also works that naughty idea with “Wrap It Like a Christmas Present.” Wandering rap full of double meanings. Possibly funny STD PA.

Nickolodeon (yeah, the pay cable channel people used to watch) warn us what might happen to all that disregarded wrapping paper afterwards with “Randall the Wrapping Paper Monster.” Run! Hide! Recycle!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q42ZotQ1Znw&t=71s

Presents of Mine: can’t take the ribbin’

Finishing off that wrapping job on your Xmas gift? Some ribbons, praps?

Kacey Musgraves actually doesn’t need “Ribbons and Bows,” but can’t keep pop rocking about them. Talented vocals.

Jessica and Eddie Harrison (feat. Donna Beaurais) also miss the point with “Christmas Ribbons,” singing instead about family and love and carrying on.

Also stretching our theme, Trent Holloway sings “Blue Ribbon Christmas,” alluding to the PBRs he’s gonna pack away since you left him. Bluesy country cryin’.

Hank Thompson and the Brazos Valley Boys is going cheap this year, ‘cuz he’s gonna “Wrap My Heart in Ribbons” for you this Christmas. It is the most he can give. Gentle country swing is the least he can do.

Presents of Mine: rewrap

Previously posted songs must be rementioned during this time of wrapping the presents.

Certainly the charmless Aquayemi-Claude Garnett Two Thousand Akinsanya’s “Wrapping Up Presents by the Christmas Tree” needed be repeated. But this party remix tries so much harder. Not sure anything got wrapped here….

Brilliant parodies from The Mistletones and an uncredited post by Leight Press mock M.C. Hammer with “Can’t Wrap This.” Now that’s funny.

Duncan G also retros the pop with a Devo spin on “Wrap It.” Har har har har.

First and second place, however, go to genius Joel Kopischke for “Hopeless Wrapper” (Mumford and Sons), and (drumroll, please) a parody of George Michaels that has to be heard to be believed.

Presents of Mine: prep time

We don’t like spending the time to wrap the presents we bought, we’ll even pay someone else to do it. Ergo, few great songs about the disguising process.

Ok, sometimes we wrap like we don’t give a crap. “Wrap Your Presents up in Duct Tape” by Russ is kidsong fun, iconoclastic and full of juicy guitar riffling.

Alton Dulaney goes a bit much for his tutorial “Gift Wrap Rap.” Bogus hip hop.

Mockingbird, Wish Me Luck sing “Bought and Wrapped” about that special present (a book) for you. Chimey, happy pop.

Another special present under consideration for covering up is Magnus Carlsson who sings about how he wants to “Wrap Myself in Paper” just for you. Hang onto that receipt, girl.

A NEW parody i stumbled over comes from The Withers showcasing wrappers’ fatigue. “I Can’t Wrap these Presents Anymore” passes the novelty masterpiece test (for 1984 REO Speedwagon country rock).

I like the gentle folk ‘grass of the Bristol Brothers’ “Paper and Bow.” It’s sweet and unpresuming and actually about the papers in question.