Drink N.B. Merry: whiskey3

Now for the dark days of the chronic carouser. We’ll spend another month on sheer drunkenness, but for now let’s blame the potent potable–whiskey–for the way things turnt out.

Shawn Brewster kicks off the childhood regret of missing family fun from this time of year. His lugubrious jazz slobberfest “Christmas and Whiskey” whines about being old and cold, but it’s hard to look away.

Maudlin country from JJ Voss also bewails his outcast state in “Whiskey, the Tree, and Me.” Does the drinking help you forget, or does it help you dwell on it? Dude, get a present.

Not quite as weepy, Don Hackney resents California from his down home country soul in “Whiskey Lights of Christmas.” Poor old Doris.

Professor Gall admits “Whiskey was the Medicine (To Get Me Through Another Christmas Eve Night).” It’s a circusy caterwaul in the manner of Tom Waits. Swirly, Shirley.

Adding to the minimalist list of happy holiday helpings, Ray Galindo croaks about “Hot Dogs and Whiskey for Christmas.” It doesn’t help his bluesy needs.

John Bell keeps his blues serious, but Xmases his “Ribs N Whiskey” standard with Christmas lyrics. His weird falsetto and blind flailings make a misery out of this parody, but that’s as it should be.

Garage punk from Jonny Manak rages that “Santa Stole My Whiskey.” It purports to psychedelia, but it’s just prankish boys.

Just as angry, The Fisticuffs punk-mouth that “Santa Smells Like Whiskey.” It’s low class trash, but isn’t that what we pogo to? Oi!

Enough! No way! Irish metal from The Kringles complains there’s “No Whiskey in Heaven (No Ice in Hell).” It’s a tip of the tam to Elvis Costello with a salute to Zappa, but i mean that in the best way.

Drink N.B. Merry: whiskey2

Some whiskey Christmas songs are a mixed bag. Fun to hear, sad to listen to. Great melodious fun. Woebegone lyrics.

Tipsy virtuosi Son of Fathers have a seesaw bit of silliness with “Whiskey Christmas.” You never get anyway with the song, but oh well.

John Gregorio as ‘Ray Church’ (from a show entitled ‘Chaos & Candy: Chicken in the Snow’) has a truck driving country rock blasphemy also called “Whiskey Christmas.” The devil proposes a drinking contest in a local dive on Christmas while Jesus was in the mens’ room… hijinks ensue.

Happy drinking sounding like a Steven Martin improv rollicks in from lounge lizard Jesse Thomas Brown with “Merry Christmas, Jameson’s Irish Whiskey.” It’s a family brawl, but all in fun–except for all of them.

Our Country tinkles the ivories with some old fashioned song writing in yet another “Whiskey Christmas.” Half gospel, half musical, half ragtime, these boys recommend whiskey in your Swiss Miss, but sheepishly. (2 1/2 minutes in is their Kickstarter commercial.)

The most upbeat, most degrading melange of holiday whiskey-ing come from Darby O’Gill and the Little People. Their “Whiskey Christmas” is a jig and a half about the puking, hating, stinking effects of partaking. Wee ones scream curses.

Temperance challenges Barleyjuice in a cool retro rock “Whiskey for Christmas,” which while Celtic hearkens to ’60s folk rock. Clever fellows.

Drink N.B. Merry: whiskey1

Hard drinking largely features whiskey in all its incarnations: Jim, Johnny, Jack. Whether corn squeezins, white lightning, moonshine, mountain dew… it’s the water of life, the devil’s brew, the little brown jug.

What better time than Christmastime?

Some songs are a bit of fun, celebrating responsibly, taking the edge off.

Miss Mini calls her “Corn Whiskey in the Egg Nog” southern soul. Sounds like Motown regardless where you play it. The party in her song does get a bit reckless, but her sassy side sells it, yassir.

Proper southern slide guitars from Dan Rodriguez. His honky tonkin’ “All I Want for Christmas is Whiskey” is a song of sorrow and regret, but his rhymes are crispy and his beat is upbeat. Fun.

A more positive message with a growling folk country accent drawls out of The Sudden Passion who has done all his shopping for Christmas on aisle 13. “Whiskey for Everyone (This Christmas)” simplifies the worry of the holidays and isn’t that a good thing?

Whiskey Rodeo plays parody with “Deck the Halls with Beer and Whiskey.” It’s hard rock with angry trappings and self image issues. And the humor is boys-being-boys pedestrian. Wooo! But, okay that’s it.

Getting a bit ahead of ourselves, Three Day Threshold & Summer Villains wish you “A Very Whiskey New Year.” Despite their resolutions, they’re toasting uproariously and slide in and out of key of their big, loud folk singalong to convince you of their intentions.

Fusing American country rock with British Invasion, Minus 5 makes merry with the blurry in their “Your Christmas Whiskey.” Not a hangover song at all.

Drink N.B. Merry: scotch

Scotch whiskey is just whiskey from Scotland. There’s more to it than that, but who cares?

Well, millions apparently.

Laphroaig has a clever commercial setting customer raves to traditional Christmas carol music. Almost right up my alley. There’s two of these.

Lord Kitchener doesn’t exactly savor the flavor of the thirty-year-old distillation when he wants you to “Bring de Scotch for Christmas.” It’s partying he wants to enjoy with his parang calypso conniptions.

Saddling the dog and spitting into the mike Mike McKenzie rocks “A Bottle of Scotch and a Pair of Socks (All I Want for Christmas).” If you don’t quite understand him, you get him.

Just as low fi (is it experimental rock when it’s indecipherable?) come I Don’t Know Margo with “Christmas Scotch.” This is oddball enough to hang on your tree and play for your couldn’t-think-what-to-say toast. Skoal.

Drink N.B. Merry: bourbon

The best of the batch for bourbon Christmas singing hails from Bob’s Burgers, a secret source of novelty music of every ilk. “The Spirits of Christmas” may ostensibly be about all merry drinking, but it doesn’t take a whole minute of listening to realize slumlord Mr. Fischoeder (Kevin Kline) has a favorite. Those who watch the end credits of the series will get why brother Felix has to skate in and out of frame the entire song.

Drink N.B. Merry: vodka

Not much on this colorless, odorless ingredient. But it’s best chilled straight out of the freezer, so let’s chip off the frost and sing a song of sauce or two.

In the new spirit of detente we live in Sonata Arctica brays out an encore crowd pleaser: “Merry Vodka Christmas!” Set to Have Nagila it is hardly holiday-themed. But we’re reaching here, so there.

Clive M pours out his unnamed friend’s heart with “Vodka and Snowflakes,” a song of regret and swallowed consonants. I like the overall feel, as in the wish that you were coming home sounds more like hu hoo hoon hu-hone hu-hone. It just delivers the message, you know?

Drink N.B. Merry: rum2

Your best rum songs are going to be more authentic riddim from the islands. Compare and contrast the J.Buffet’s drunk st. Nick to the one in Rondy ‘Luta’ McIntosh’s “Rum Santa.” That’s 3rd-stage party-fool dancing. Look at what I can do!

Shawn ‘Da Ma$tamind’ Noel rides the rhythm into “What is Christmas Without Rum?” Chortling, whooping, chanting… 4th stage.

Hangovers get quieter. Throwback riddim from Lord Beginner glimpses the big band beginnings of riddim: cool calypso! “Christmas Morning the Rum Had Me Yawning” recalls plantation slave songs for me, so yeah.

Party foolishness springs out of “Horner Rum” by Mere. Parang is the Trinidad brand of riddim. Sorry to lump ’em all together.

Sprangalang growls through more parang “Bring Drinks.” But i can just make out the request to bring rum for Christmas. Probably some of the other days as well.

“Drink a Rum” best encapsulates the abandon of this spirit. The Merrymen make a boy band bit out of the debauchery while still keeping their roots Trinidadian. Lord Kitchener gets more primal here with sloppy vocals and cheap instrumentation. Check out the electronica of the ’60s!

Drink N.B. Merry: rum1

If you want just rum in your holiday liquor cabinet you usually rely on rhymes with drum (pum pum pum pum). But some rummies wanna go straight up with Caribbean Tom Thumb. Yo ho ho.

Ho hum rum songs include Bah & the Humbugs playing slacker elves deifying the demon rum. The humor of that obvious inappropriateness is lost in this loungey sing-a-long. “All You Need is Rum” is a fun song to spring on the unaware, but not to rotate into your novelty selections.

Joseph Michael Young meditates sadly on his only friend “Holiday Rum.” It’s a plaintive prosody.

Jimmy Buffett tries to Gulf it up with gusto in “Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum.” But this shaggy dog about Santa needing a (drinking) break reflects on middle-aged sadness in a 2nd-stage of wistful drukenness and self worth crisis.

A punk twist on the title comes from The Cucumbers. “Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum” here is a great earthy, naughty chant begrudging nuthin off the pirate allusion. Damn Santa.

Drink N.B. Merry: HBR

Another drink celebrated exclusively around Christmas is hot buttered rum. Songs about HBR may not always focus on the holidays (like Carol Weaver’s simple Red Clay Ramblers folk exhortation: “Hot Buttered Rum“), but you know–like with eggnog–that partaking of this libation is a tip of the lip to the Lord. You know.

‘Tis a pretty song. Reilly and Maloney give it the old Kigston Trio folk fun try. Mary Chapin Carpenter gives it the matter of fact, no nonsense statement. Mike Murphee gives it a warbling melancholic dirge-like sendoff. Bryan Bowers overmikes his mbira-sounding dulcimer creating a more haunting ghostly wisp of a warning. Phil Passen gets the music mix right but loses all feeling in his vocals. Leo Eilts goes for Dylanesque with his harsh syncopation and heavy harmonica (nice expository defense of this song as a Christmas ditty–thanx). Rani Arbo and Daisy Mayhem throw back to barn-dwelling throaty mountain folk–sounds like a party, of a sort.  The Red Clay Ramblers theyselves the originators of said piece play the lay like they’re at an Irish funeral (with a 3 1/2 minute fiddlin’ intro). Becomes an old world mini-opera of an alcoholic beverage, it does.

Krista Detor gets her drink on for present-day Christmas partying with her “Hot Buttered Rum.” Try not to keep up with her escalating partaking. But sway to the hot buttery vocals.

Drink N.B. Merry: nog8

Is that enough eggnog? Not if you can still see clearly enough to read this.

Santa drunk on eggnog songs include:

“Santa Drank the Eggnog” by Clare Means. Sounds like a kids’ song, though Santa gets pretty handsy high as he is. Look away, little girls!

Comedy country from Kevin Afflack arrives in the form of “Blame It on the Eggnog.” Peppermint schnapps sneaks in there, but it’s more interesting what Santa’s go-to is for in the bag singing.

You are dead drunk ‘nog songs include:

Angry garage rock informs this frame of mind. Posture & the Grizzly play “Egg Nog Drunk Off of Hilary Duff’s Piss” like the standard manifesto of working class injustice. Don’t worry about the drinking then.

Lil Snarky has morning after regrets from a bender in “Eggnog, Bitches!” Adult situations (who did I sleep with?!), childish behavior (humping dogs), bouncy pop music. Keep a barf bag handy.

More unfortunate puppetry and helium vocals in “The Eggnog Addict.” Take note of the inventory of additives (moonshine, too). This is presented as a curative, a little hair of the ‘nog. But the soft folk strumming is so soothing. Kerem and Ben are not above puppet vomit, however.

A bit more ‘live’ is Christy Davis, outing her alcoholic relations in “Granny’s ‘Special’ Eggnog.” It’s truth telling time in a soulfully folk throw down. Next time, blackout and don’t remember. Or stay away stay away stay away stay away from the eggnog.