Consume-mas Quantities: holy dead meat

What else is coming out for the carnivore course for Christmas?

Reindeer are made of meat, so a couple silly musical musings play with this food.

Jeff Dunham sings a song i’ve featured by some other bar band earlier. His Bubba J character leaves out a verse, but still captures the country howler “Road Kill Christmas” nicely to a live audience, albeit interrupted by other envious puppets.

Mighty Magical Pants have the most fun with “Rudolph on the Barbecue.” Great rock bass line. Whether or not it’s actually the red-nosed one on the cooker is up for grabs.

Don’t worry reindeer lovers, general meat may also be the subject of noel.

Atonal spoken poetry growled out to progressive folk with a trilling Irish accent may sound like a novelty Christmas music dare from me to you.  Dead Raven Choir imagines a world less than pristine in “Christmas Meat – carrion.” You better be in the right mood, or you’ll be sorry.

Stza Crack delivers a song plagued with technical difficulties. “Tainted Meat” relates Santa’s eating misadventures corrected by Jesus with rude garage rock.

Defaulting to the more wholesome, Farmer Derek jollies up ‘Rockin’ ’round the Christmas Tree’ with “Walking around a T-bone Steak.” It rocks classically, though the meal the steak is dedicated towards is never limned as the holy one.

Consume-mas Quantities: bless the bacon

Pigs is pigs, but bacon is a meal unto itself. And not six degrees off course, but whole platters of course!

[MARIAH CAREY PARODY ALERT] Farmer Derek admits all he wants for Christmas is bacon in his song “All I Want for Christmas is Bacon” which is not the worst thing i’ve ever heard despite the source material.

Mikey Mason also plays punny with carols in his “O Bacon Tree.” Not much bacon there.

Jevon ‘The Acoustic Hobo’ gets more personal with his “Makin’ Bacon for Christmas.” It’s a dad’s reverie about the perfect holiday. Here he strums!

Fitness Dan goes shirtless with his elctropop “Bacon Bourbon Brownies.” While this is technically a confectionary and should have been dealt with last month, this beefcake sells the meat with his elegant song stylings.

Jonah Knight crosses up my categories as well with “Bacon and Beer” (imbibables next month, fans). But what a fine tribute to overindulgence 12/25 (or anytime)!

Consume-mas Quantities: piglets roasting

Christmas is for Christians, not those pork eschewing other religion followers. So let’s cut a slab of the-other-white-meat for the holidays.

Parang scat-man Scrunter puts it simply: he wants “A Piece of Pork for Christmas.” Ham likin’ what he be cookin’!

Just as Carribean, Ricky T riddims “My Christmas Pork.” Raucous and Rastafarian, but you must put your careful listening ears on… he wants to know where to put his pork in (not the f-word). I am not kidding.

Much whiter are Lisa and Rich parodying ‘Silent Night’ with “Garlic Pork.” They spent some time on their in-joke lyrics, so chew thirty times before swallowing.

It’s better Latinated; so here is Creig Camacho with his “Garlic Pork.” I can taste the salsa (music)!

Back to the riddim! Crocadile fights the vegetarian girlfriend with a Christmas repast of “Pork and Rum.” The song be so ‘mazing, i recommend seconds.

Consume-mas Quantities: for the birds

Turkey is the traditional Christmas meal for the English. Songs celebrate the healthy carnivorous choice, and also cry the warnings for the fowl.

Sometimes we just say “Big Dead Bird” for dinner without mentioning the type. Be suspicious of this melodious easy-listening comedy (with accordion) from Lou and Peter Berryman. It may not be the bird you’re thinking of. The whole meal stinks, in point of fact.

Riddim fun from Echo recommending “Run, Turkey, Run” away from Christmas men with their cleavers. Turkey trot might be the appropriate step.

Of course ‘turkey’ means more than bird. Jenny T posts the “Xmas Turkey Song” reminding us losers we are what we eat.

Turkeys at time get revenge on us as with Learn English Kids’ “Turkey Trouble Song.” It’s a bit plodding (teaching reading), but wicked fun for the childrens.

Antsy McClain and the Trailer Park Troubadours make a bit more merry with “Frank the Christmas Turkey,” a pop-alt folk stew of charming, chanting fun. Deadly though.

 

Consume-mas Quantities: ya shore yew betcha

Scandinavian foods kept men alive during hard winters despite the oversalting and lye. Christmas celebrations up north may involve chest pounding and double dog daring to eat the nastier bits of the smorgasbord.

Red Stangland and Terry R. Shaw go with the obvious parody “O Lutefisk.” Funny accents and mournful singing and self denigration abounds.

Stan Boreson (previously Yogi Yorgesson) and Doug Setterberg sing “Just a Little Lefse” so gleefully i excuse the omission of the holidays for this dull flatbread.

The Oslo Glee Club sums up our fear of the pungent foodstuffs with “Don’t Cook Santa Lutefisk.” It’s more Sing Along with Mitch than Lawrence Welk, so sway with them.

Consume-mas Quantities: polish the star

Special foods for special times of the year from special corners of the world make for specialities that no one else would ever eat.

The Pala Brothers, however, are super confident of their polka-based cuisine bragging that “Sausage & Sauerkraut for Santa” made him jolly and fat.

The Polkaholics, however, make grotesque this stuffing of the face with stuffed meats with their own punk polka version of this same song. Lala lala lala, but ironically.

Consume-mas Quantities: let it stew

Wet mish mash of food parts is heart warming, stick-to-your-ribs stew, a survival favorite since before JC, Then why aren’t there more songs about Xmas stew?

Mary Helen Mustian from South Henderson Church swans on about “Christmas Stew” in some church dramatization about some Wild West Christmas. It’s inaudible, but soaring. I detect the ingredients of a hit.

I will not dignify this blog with a possible Mariah Carey parody subbing STEW for YOU. Look it up on youtube if you want. Riders in the Sky were totes pop 20-30 years ago. I listened to their radio programme me own self. Lately they’ve fallen out of the fickle favor of folks and find themselves retro as backup in cartoons and the odd State Fair. But please relive the glory days of the camp cook fighting to feed the wranglers during the holidays with “Sidemeat’s Christmas Stew.” Well done, boys.

Consume-mas Quantities: casserole chorale

What to make for Xmas? Throw it all in a 9 x 12 and call it good.

“Aunt Clara’s Christmas Casserole” by ‘Clara’s Kinfolk’ (Probably Jack Servello) warns family of the dreaded elderly traditional potluck. Careful with that hee haw humor, it’ll grow an ad-lib on your reunion the size of a confabulation.

The Christmas Chids work up a sweat with their “Casserole of the Bells.” It sure is pretty. Lean in if you want to feel the full flavor. That cathedral sized echo may make you miss some.

Consume-mas Quantities: pizza on earth

While unrecognizably mutated beyond its Italian heritage, pizza is fine anytime. Even Christmas time.

Sadly, ‘Ding, Fries are Done’ is so far-ranging in comedy importance it has been pasted onto other foods as in “Marco’s Pizza Christmas Song.” Well, okay fine.

BLUE ALERT Pizzacat also attempts humor synthing a riff on Run DMC with “Pizza Xmas.” Was i wrong to spend a day on Christmas with Pizza?!

The Breakfast Kids fill our dietary requirements with a heartfelt rehearsal of “All I Want for Christmas (Pizza).” Yeah, they’re off key, but they’re on youtube. That’s cool with me. (Pizza is totally post script in this love song, but i got a blog to stuff the crust of.)

Oh, now I get it! “No One Wants a Pizza on Christmas Day!” Connor Ratliff and Mikey Erg slice off a piece of fine folk for the real meaning of Christmas pie. Sad, but greasy.

Consume-mas Quantities: buono natale

There will be a time to be named in the days to come when we will visit nations thither and yon and know their Christmas songs.

This is not that time.

But, to honestly discuss foods for yule fuel, mention and attention must be paid to the descendants of Romulus and Remus. No “Italian Christmas Time” can be sung without scraps of food fitting into the chorus. Mike KC authenticates, with a little help from ‘finicula finiculi.’

Granting equal time, the ‘Irish’ applied to “Christmas Time Spaghetti” from Max DeGroot (featuring his imaginary helium voiced bear friend, Tipper) admits to the coopting of international foods, rather than some bizarre post-colonial power struggle. I mean, it IS a kids’ song. And a darling li’l parody of ‘Kilarney.’