Christmas… No Biggie

Rob From Amersfoort has a bone to pick with Christmas. Rather than force gratitude for crappy gifts, he rock-pops about how he’s like to “Smash the Elves” instead. It’s what he’d really rather do. Frolicsome sociopathy.

He then uses choice descriptors like wretched, forced, and cheap to excuse his excuse: “Christmas No Thanx (Hallelujah)“. Twisty pop with loads of synth that points out the spike in suicide for the season. Ouch.

Bird Mancini thinks he needs a pill, “Because It’s December“. You know, when all those headaches happen. Folksy blues.

Maybe “Merry Christmas to You… Anyway” qualifies Miss Jackie and the Sass. Much more bluesy, as uncertain a genre as could be.

Zoe Imperium has had several troubles during “Another Messed Up Holiday“. Take your cheer and go away. Rocking long list of woes.

Tagged as a Spoof Song, DrScythe’s “Like Christmas” is a Western strummer that asks for your pretense more than your presents. Exciting inertia.

Christmas? Not Keeping Me Up at Night

Glamourpuss mumbles and moans “Pastel Christmas” to describe washed out unfocused celebrations at the end of the year. Just like we used to have. Psychedelic club rock.

Rock riffs hep up the pop of Kristian Noel Pedersen’s “Ordinary Christmas Day“, not a convincing surrender of positivity. But middle of the road, nonetheless. Charmed, i’m sure.

randywackmin is fed up with Xmas. “What a Rip Off” he indies to the electronica of screaming children, burning cookies….

Now, good ol’ Otis Gibbs promises no one’s getting “Crap for Christmas” from him. Not that there’s no end of fecal quality around this time of year. But his bluegrass insists he’s not part or parcel of it.

Perhaps crossing a line, The Satanic Temple plays devil’s advocate about the importance of this otherwise “Arbitrary Night“. This is a parody of ‘O Holy Night’, for all the good that info’ll do ya.

Christmas: So–?

Reverbed within an inch of sense, “I Guess It’s Christmas” by Default American garages the lack of feeling (takes a minute to start singing) over the celebration.

Coleman similarly takes his Yamaha keyboard time to start his “Christmas Overture“. Ostensibly this is about love and joy, but the pop overstuffed griping, protestation about snowplows, and certainly the dead feeling of the vocals makes me lethargic.

Terrell’s iPod pisses and moans about your Xmas tree that’s “Cramping My Christmas“. Who’re you gonna call? No one! Jazzy slo-pop.

Waylan St. Palan & The Magic Elves yodel “Christmas Disaster” about loss of love, not loss of life. So, grieving here entails more drunkenness. Snazzy jazz sax solo buried in these blues.

Coco Hames retros “Keep Your Christmas” into girl band splendor, but that’s bc of the superiority she’s feeling over her heartbreak and world-crushed dreams. Great song, otherwise.

Christmas? Lah Di Dah. BLUE ALERT

Andrew X is not really feeling it, in fact all he feels is that it’s “Christmas Far Away“. Despite going through the symphonic piano reflective pop motions, nothing gels. (Perhaps because of those last five words.)

“Dashboard Lights” are the only that matter for Christmas Boyz in this garage indie anti-sentimental Aussie rant. Does crack hisself up, tho.

Song Boys up the amperage a bit for “Nothin’ To Do With Christmas“. Still not happy in their garage for garage’s sake, despite the grand shreddin’.

Not looking forward to Christmas this year is Bleed the Dream with their emotional (ha ha) indie “No Smiles on Christmas“. Something about heartbreak, i think, but definitely Millennially mopey.

mikemikemike hides behind a lot of filter for “Fuck You Xmas“. This sophistry BLUE ALERTS the BLUE ALERT in order to BLUE ALERT. I suspect through all this static that self harm is your gift from him. Oddly pop.

Christmas… No Matter

A Harris and Hart Holiday take a shot at Xmas songs with “A Christmas Song“. Those songs don’t really mean a thing to me, they confess. Just stream of consciousness, like this song. Stuttering pop with a one word refrain. Yeah, baby.

Sometimes your life ain’t so great, suggest The Coyotes in “Candy Cane Lane 2023” (NOT the Eddie Murphy Netflixx thing). Sluggish indie that allows for, nay prompts, rain. Wallow, wallow, wallow.

Tammy Wynette uses country sarcasm to bit into “(Merry Christmas) We Must Be Having One“. It’s all smoke and mirrors, however, with no heart. Don’t tell the kids.

John Farrell gives into “A Little Bit of Scrooge” ’round this time of year.  It may be Xmas, but it also is a time for getting grumpy and annoyed. Kidsong unplugged.

The Dream of Horses sing around the sinister clarinet doodling to mark the passage of time in this endless season. “Dress it Up in Tinsel” is weak sauce attempt to celebrate, so: indie.

And all that rot, concludes Ardie Collins in the watered down caustic folk of “Happy Christmas, I Suppose“. His voice speeds up to intimate hope, but the monotone kills it.

Frankly My Dear, Christmas

Endiamonds has a problem with those “Too Cool for Christmas“. Their club rock is too cool to start the song for a minute of lead in, but they ask you not to ruin it. So, i’ll let it stand.

In their same album, they up the tempo to piano electronica but are wearied that “Nothing’s Gonna Change” when it comes to the holidays. Be the change you asked Santa for.

At “December 25th” Jabee also slow rises to the song, then raps his disappointment along with the bouncing theremin beat. (Okay, the down is the rest of the year, while Xmas is the highlight–still, no joy.)

Yarou (feat. Sydney Smithmartin) warbles out about the “Broken Holiday” with more worry than worship. Family and love helps, but the pokey R+B trails off without solution.

“Christmas Tears” from The Superions is not based on tragedy, but a bitchfest over the neighbors’ yard decorations, snowfall, bratty kids, carolers… crap that makes the season bright. Queer pop.

Christmas? Why?

Tommy Mackay hails “O Come All Ye Pundits” to fight the bollocks of British politics. It’s pre-Brexit, so get your Cliff Notes out …and BLUE ALERT.

“Bored Again Christians” plops down from the same album (The Daily Reckless bannerhead). It’s simple impatience in parody form. Cheers.

Darkcave also has to wait for it. “Wasn’t ’til I” finished Xmas, that I appreciated it, or something akin to that. Playful indie.

Todd Michalik has little, including money, luck, or success. But he is “Having Christmas“. Like having a bowel movement. He picks at it for beauty, but his raucous punk indie music batters beauty.

“Christmas” is a big so? by Dillon Fence. Not believing, criticizing, yet wishing us well–this danceable pop builds and burns bridges artfully.

The Snowflakes (feat. Pinoy Papí & The Bourcestershire Banshee) rap to Rudolph with “Welcome to the Island“. Remember the horrifying bad part of that TV special? Careful of this one….

Blasé Christmas

The Plurals “Ask Nich?” as in St. Nich–but their screaming garage metal is good enough for me, not.

In the “Holiday Hospital” Holographic Crew autotunes a real bitchfest of Xmas excesses. Rap, in a side way, with a measure of pornographic parody BLUE ALERT.

Two sides of the coin, “Lovely Christmas” by Jason Ringenberg (feat. Kristi Rose) presents the maudlin country praise offset by the punk pissiness. Debaters shake hands, and come out swinging.

Sending up Mariah, Smokey Katie country complains “All I Want For Christmas is a God Dang Break“, with a full inventory of wrongs done unto her.

Christmas? Oh Come On

Parodying Shakin’ Stevens with glee, Pete Jones lays into “Snow Is Falling (A Crappy Old Christmas)” with British obscenity [BLUE ALERTish] and jazz band wankiness. Angry fun.

Clanky old indie from L’Resorts who are “Trying to Christmas“–in others words ‘not do.’ Nice ’90s feel.

Marzo Urrabaco & The Electrolyte Orchestra chats up a storm while old school riffs fill the background of “Cookies & Pies, Demolition Derby…Let it Ride“. Beat poetry never ends well for traditional celebration.

Austin Martinez revs up the garage pop to propose the imponderable: “So This is Christmas“. Now my emotions all starts going down.

A parody of Mel Blanc’s ‘Christmas Tree’, Joel Kopishke takes the holidays to task with a “Stupid Christmas Song“. Salvation Army, cards, stockings, and even this song make his list. And it’s not a nice list.

Greg Alexander is walking around with “Sleighbells in My Head“. Jazzy indie with hopes for a happy holiday. But it’s stuck in his head.

Christmas. Bored Now. BLUE ALERT

Devon Kay & the Solutions beg, with ska, that you not have another “Christmas Boring“. Energetic impatience.

Jesse “Buddha” Clark (When I’m Older) strums out a bit more BLUE AERT folk with the talky “Christmas (couldn’t) Carol (at all)“. Carols seem to be a trigger. Stand back.

Latin For Truth uses the screech option for the lite garage “Discordian Rhapsody” wherein all things Xmas are dumped on.

Perhaps recorded on VHS fast speed, “The Night You Lost A Button” trundles out Xmas misery from Word Travels Fast. Indie angst.

Ben Coleman gives us another stellar parody suckerpunching McCartney with “Miserable Christmastime“. The sounds of sirens fill the street.…

In “A William S. Burroughs XXX-Mas” Apartment 7 channels the nihilist writer through childish tinkling music. It is not pretty. In fact, BLUE ALERT.