Gunna Celebrate.22 Cheetah

Machine gun? The thugs in The Kinks’ “Father Christmas” ask for one (if you have one). Nearly polite for muggers. Classic rock/proto punk.

Caetano Veloso has a problem “In The Hot Sun Of A Christmas Day.” Through slow-mo classical pop we learn he’s being chased, but by someone who machine gunned someone else. I think. Wild flute backing it all up.

Against All Flags waves their garage banner “Machine Gun Christmas” like it’s the answer to all their problems. Then they switch to wanting a guitar. Whew.

All I Want for Christmas (Is a Machine Gun)” by Henrique Couto is a mojo-nixon soundalike daring you to be offended with its pop sound. Cool.

Bring It On

Covered all the bases for a terrible, horrible, not very good Christmas, have we? Let’s see.

End of the world was last month, but something always falls through the cracks. Like “A Merry Nuclear Christmas” from X-Ray Mary. Old time rock and roll, babies.

also missed on the blog was “Worst Christmas Ever (Christmas of the Dead)” from Hardeman. Zombies are back with a vengeance.

Even more apocalyptic is “The Star That Fell to Earth” from Edison Lighthouse (those ‘My Love Grows (Where Rosemary Goes)’ guys). Prog rock about the meteor that heralded Christ. Look out! Save the dinosaurs!

The other end of the spectrum includes “The Worst Part of Christmas is You” wherein Oak Winter Red warbles out an alt-folk diatribe about how a cup of cocoa ruins EVERYTHING!

More relevant, Jeremih & Chance the Rapper rap-belt out “Tragedy” about a homeless man, and Winter, and fried sugary bells, and ghosts. I guess. It’s a bad scene.

The. Worst. Christmas. Ever.” according to Lux Lisbon is still better than every other day. Thus endeth the lesson. Pop rock music preaches again.

Only You Can Prevent Xmas Fires

‘Chicago Fire’ fan lyrics with “In Harm’s Way,” a country folk elegy from Kid Mayhem. It’s about those heroes who spend Christmas with you and your charred remains.

Parody’s back! Dave Rudolf tackles Johnny Cash in his “Flue of Fire.” Santa don’t like it when you leave a light on for him!

Piedmont Songbag seems to revel in the arson. “A Christmas to Remember” is a soft folk dialogue between nostalgic rememberers and that year the tree burned down (pretty colors!). But then “Burning the Christmas Tree” is an insistent polka of ritualistic bacchanalia.

The Living End–

Except for Tim Allen, no one ever said Santa was immortal.

Worst Christmas Song Ever” is crappy lounge singing about the tender tots asleep on Christmas. Glenn Simonelli jazzes up the prank about telling the kids about Claus’s demise.

In “Christmas Sucks (Sheepie’s Christmas)” AlbinoBlackSheep (feat. Andrew Kepple) sings music hall jazz about how we all hate S.C.! After shooting him down, however, Sheepie has regrets.

Pete the Elf tipped me wise to the goth/blues of finding dead Santa whilst doing chimney work in the beautifully dark “A Daddy Christmas Eve” by Who’s the Daddy Now? Silver lining: another believer!

Make Like Monkeys return to feed the greed in “Mine!!! Rub Out Santa Claus.” Arsenic pies make an appearance in this ragtime-ish polka pop.

Honk Honk

Statistics claim traffic injuries/fatalities are more numerous in the summer months than the winter… and yet, how awful for Xmas to be marred so.

Fleet Foxes messes with perception in their “White Winter Hymnal” about being careful not being enough when I turned ’round and there you go… Indie spookiness.

Lots of ‘Run Over’ songs and take offs. We shouldn’t, but we’ll allow “Grandpa Got run Over by a Hybrid.” Brad Tassell & Steve Goodie acquit the thankless job deliberately. Liberal backlash.

More parody?! “Here Comes Bubba’s Cows” all over NASCAR tracks. Dave Rusolf returns for a not-so-Christmas carol. Fire up the ‘Cue!

More on topic would be The Non Traditionals returning for “We Hit the Reindeers.” Jazzy rock with an MA rating.

I was Made for Losing You” is an auto fatality from the POV of the DOA. Yikes, but soothing pop from Eric Bachmann.

Turn Into the Skid

Car Seat Headrest and a Flashing Light” is all there is when winter traffic misadventures take over. The Non Traditionals indie rock this mess into a lesson to heed.

Alan Racadag’s “Worst Christmas Ever” revolves around sensory defenestration as well. …trying to remember… trying to forget… weirdly quiet indie grief.

The Cuckoo Clocks jazz band their “Accidents at Christmas” for a more complex family dynamic. Rejected Dad is driving away from his allotted holiday home time when he loses control of the car–

You Poor Thing!

Slip happens around Xmas.

Aaron Tippin’s cornball country reports that Santa slipped (or maybe he tripped) and that was “The Year Santa Never Came.” Note: Mrs. C takes over.

Bri Kaye sings of breaking her arm Christmas morning, fever of 103 in the alt-country “Here to Stay.” Not so terrible by the song, but better you than me, sis.

Hal Willis rumbles for sympathy as he details “Kris Kringle’s Krick.” He hurt his sacroiliac, see, ‘cuz it rhymes (and he’s old). Country cornpone.

Santa Fell Down Sizewell B” according to Croydon Tourist Office. Symphonized Brit pop lets on how Christmas is cancelled. so much for being good!

Break It Up

“K-Mart Fighting” is a parody of ‘Kung Fu Fighting’ and i’m sorry i didn’t include it earlier. Santa’s Elves renders the obvious Black Friday scene playfully well.

That needs the followup “Kung Fu Christmas.” Johnny & The Raindrops merely add the epithet ‘kung fu’ to every aspect of Xmas they can come up with. Nothing goes ouch.

More parody from Lynskey connects violence with that one time “I Took Some Mistletoe Down to the Red Light District.” Popping fresh rock/pop.

Generic aggression from Headlights with a charming pop “Kicker of Elves.” Few enough lyrics, so none of your questions will be answered.

Or Else

Moving on from misfortunes and moodiness onto violence means a stop at assault, or the threat of violence. Why so hard, man? does someone need a hug?

By way of James Brown’s abusive ‘Papa Don’t Take No Mess,’ Nikolas Marikos imposes a holiday strongman with his critical eye on you in the super funky “Santa don’t Take No Mess.” does that can of whoop-ass fit in a stocking?

Also bearing the same can, the antagonist in Butt (Amy Froggpockets and Mario Seaweed)’s “Cruisin’ for a Christmastime Bruisin’” offers violence as the answer for the alt hero’s BLUE ALERT intransigence.

The Fight Before Christmas” is a screaming argument as indied by jardinière. Use I-messages, please!

Jim of Seattle sums it up with his ditty “Have a Merry Christmas.” It’s honest and well intended.

Tearing Me Apart

A Step​-​Mothers First (And Worst) Christmas Ever” from Kristian Noel Pedersen is a thoughtful monologue about the woman who said she loved kids, then met his. Gentle pop.

Feels like it’s never going to end in the “Best Worst Christmas Ever.” Jing & Joc & Robbie The Intern rap the funny out of this homestyle altercation.

Under a Rock has a comedic chorale complaining about relatives in the bouncy pop of “Christmas is Terrible.” Nice ‘Nightmare Before’ bridge.