Santa Jobs: family guy

Perhaps in his down time, Master Bo-JingleBells is merely a husband, father, son(?), head of household.

Steve Roper and Mojo Nixon rock out “Santa’s Son & The Reindeer Rockers” as a cautionary tale of young rebellion. They’ll make up, don’t fret.

Jaye D Marie leans into a sultry version of “Willy Claus, Little Son of Santa Claus.” (Molly Bee’s 1952 kid’s novelty number). It’s more country and less adorable here. Still don’t like that brat, though.

George Rock fronts Spike Jones’s band with “Wouldn’t it be Fun to be Santa Claus’s Son?” Here’s the real story on nepotism up north. (Get this kid a copy of the Phaeton myth, stat!)

Working backward, we find the romance of the old couple via Mickey Rooney from the tired old tv special ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’ which is itself an unnecessary sequel to the slightly better ‘Year Without Santa Claus.’ Not much of a song “Santa’s Wedding Day,” but i’ll include it for you old softies.

True love transforms the loving couple of every warm hearth (who celebrates correctly) into “Mr. and Mrs. Claus.” George Jones and Tammy Wynette aren’t the original couple, but they must have a similar twang.

Back up, buddy, “Santa is My Brother.” With this line the Bob Burton Band can stop any other Scandihoovian in the bar, i’m sure. This high energy polka is enough for me, though, these fella are the real deal, doncha know?

Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Albert

The elves may be a faceless bunch, unrepresented and unappreciated, but it is possible to learn their names if we try.

Now some elves are only deputized, asked personally by Mr. St. Nick to help out.

Such is the case with streetwise kids’ cartoon mascot Albert the Alley Cat from Milwaukie’s TV6 back in the ’60s. (He was so cool he got to do weather reports for the local news for a couple decades as well.) In Jack Dublin’s “Santa’s Helper” Albert gleefully plans how he’ll help Santa without cracking a one of his trademark terrible jokes.

Toymakers Local 1224-happytimes-4

Do elves ever get outta town?

Well, there’s that creepy Big Brother “The Elf by the Shelf” who is INSIDE YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW!! The Kids Christmas Party Band attempt to minimize the creep factor with a bouncy little number. But yergh, stop helicoptering.

Off Santa’s sweat shop property–but campus adjacent–is “Elf U.” They learn a valuable trade here, just like they would locked away in any other state-run institution. Sadly, no elocution classes (still sound like chipmunks). Daniel Dennis adds a bit o’ spice here to make it funny, but i really like the chant ‘Elf U! Elf U!’ ’cause it sounds naughty.

Wrap the Rainbow: pink

Are you reddish? In the pink? Tickled pink? Let’s see what we can do about that.

Krysta Young takes pink to mean baby, i guess. She sings “Pink Christmas” as a paean to spoiled Disney girly girl princesses. Who deserve happiness and love, ‘cuz they’re so pretty. Gag me with a Barbie.

Gay punk band Slink fairs little better with their shallow party trifle “Pink Christmas.” At least the color designation works for the falsetto beefcake interlude. Tres camp, doncha know.

Asian guitar pickers Apink supply the requisite (Dreaming of a) “Pink Christmas.” A nice bit of blue grass influence, but please to skip.

Much more improved on this melody is Kimberly Cooper’s “A Pink Purple Polka Dotted Christmas.” Reminds me of camp! Uhh, the one with ‘smores, this time.

We’re not getting anywhere fast. Let’s wrap up with the clever, raspy Fran Archer and “Santa Got a Pink Slip for Christmas.” This is the excuse parents use, right up there with Spot is going to a farm upstate. But i feel a waltz step coming on.

Christmas Every Day: July (1)

The prolific and poetic Sufjan Stevens delivers on the rhyme and reason of “Christmas in July.” Now you know.

The Artistic Differences sing (?) “Christmas in July” out of their basement without God’s blessing, but with a bellyful of cheer. Pretty creepy.

Perhaps just mixed up (drunk) are Toini & The Tomcats feeling “Christmas in July.” Fair rockabilly. Great howling.

R-rated fun somehow gets twisted up candy cane style when “It’s Christmas in July,” brought to you by Ouate de Phoque. Video contains a rockin’ collection of playful pinups AND Christmas in July ad-promotional art.

Island entertainer, Ray Fogg gets promotional as well with greasy lounge caroldy: “Christmas in July from Pun-in-Bay.” Har de har.

‘There’s No Law That Says We Can’t Sing Christmas Songs!’ avers Dave Love in “It’s Christmas in July.” Pop meets alt. Palt!

Breathy and heavily accented, Clara Oleg jazzes up “Christmas in July“–wait is some of that scat in Scandinavian? Pouty pop.

But my idea of fun is when the President orders “Christmas in July.” Hijinks ensue. And the fun polka/rock fusion band Brave Combo delivers toys, toys, toys.

While in a polka mood…

Colorblind James Experience saluted “weird America” with their polka/swing/rockabilly/etc. fusion. They bobbled with fame in the UK through the ’90s until headman Chuck Cuminale passed away suddenly 2001.

I love the compilation album The Tarquin Records All Star Holiday Extravaganza from which i found this gem (more off their stable later). These indie characters are a comforting quilt of kookiness that begins with real music and ends… you may never know.

Also, this may be JC’s birthday (3 October). We don’t know. I mean shepherds don’t lay down with their flocks Mideasternly late Dec. (too rainy). Calendars have been messed up for too many years, then started over. Scholars debate Mar. Aug. Sept. Oct. for that singular point in time. I guess I side with most that 12/25 is a time of rebirth and spiritual hoo-hah ’cause we need something to look forward to in the lingering dark and the ceaseless cold. So please take “A Night Like This” by Colorblind James Experience in the spirit in which it is given: DANCETIME!

Oktoberfest Christmas

Oktoberfest is winding up here (it’s mostly in September, ja?) but while celebrating the hop harvesting let’s prepare for the wassailing to come.

Since Christmas is so big, it incorporates if not all holidays all modes methods and means of celebrating… including POLKA! Most polka umpahs for yule logs are straight out of Scandihoovia, Middlevest and affect no more than That’s What Music Sounds Like, ya? Other scallywags mean to poke fun at old world trads as well as the overused universality of xmas = love all humankind party.

Chuck Picklesimer does both and neither. This country gentleman (bonus: looks like Santa!) growls out psychedelic situations to sensible sounds. You can dance to it, but if you listen carefully you’ll go mad, mad i tells ya. So doff your foam, toast the barley, and listen to “Christmas Polka Cha Cha” from the A-plus album Dead Ninja Christmas.