Scandinavian foods kept men alive during hard winters despite the oversalting and lye. Christmas celebrations up north may involve chest pounding and double dog daring to eat the nastier bits of the smorgasbord.
Red Stangland and Terry R. Shaw go with the obvious parody “O Lutefisk.” Funny accents and mournful singing and self denigration abounds.
Stan Boreson (previously Yogi Yorgesson) and Doug Setterberg sing “Just a Little Lefse” so gleefully i excuse the omission of the holidays for this dull flatbread.
The Oslo Glee Club sums up our fear of the pungent foodstuffs with “Don’t Cook Santa Lutefisk.” It’s more Sing Along with Mitch than Lawrence Welk, so sway with them.
Special foods for special times of the year from special corners of the world make for specialities that no one else would ever eat.
The Pala Brothers, however, are super confident of their polka-based cuisine bragging that “Sausage & Sauerkraut for Santa” made him jolly and fat.
The Polkaholics, however, make grotesque this stuffing of the face with stuffed meats with their own punk polka version of this same song. Lala lala lala, but ironically.
Polka is so overbearing a musical style, it seems at times to mock itself. Or the misdirected will do that for you.
I suppose if polka is done for the wrong reasons, it seems ridickio. The Wiggles try to juvenile “The Christmas Polka” reducing the beat to a nauseating see-saw of wavering around the floor.
Having way too much fun with that tuba (isn’t that the musical symbolism of the fat man waddling?) The Mellomen featuring Thurl Ravenscroft repeat their “Jingle Polka” from last May. What fun.
Polka cowboy style is a fine mash-up. Jimmy Wakely borrows the term “Christmas Polka,” but delivers a yodeling guitar campfire tribute that smells more Hawaiian.
Wait, you prefer mariachi? Let Wally Gonzales, ‘The Christmas Bandito,’ melodize the Chicken Dance into his “Christmas Polka.” Is it racist?
Now stand back… here comes Jerry Darlak. With his buddies ol’ Jer has several albums of Christmas polka original songs discussing “Shopping,” “What’s in the Box?” and “Santa.” All i can say is “Thank You Christmas Polka.” It’s listy but keeps the time.
In the same vein pumps Dennis Policy who is included in several compilations of holiday polka tunes. Not as jolly, but “Richie’s Christmas Accordion” is one of those tales of heroism we all need this time of the year.
For off the rails polka the bear fun, please do not go further than the wizard of weird Chuck Pickelsimer’s “Christmas Polka Cha Cha.” Thanx for the reminder, Chuck, that this is a dance–TWO THREE FOUR!
When it comes to Christmas polka music you’re going to need a bigger blog: it’s a monster sub genre that goes on for days. Even when i eliminate all instrumental only pieces (which i do), we may skim the foamy surface only.
Let Jim Reeves lead the way with his “Merry Christmas Polka” because this one’s got chart, despite the prevalence of guitar over accordian. Skip to the loo, you’re full of brew.
Then we get into the big band foolishness of The Andrews Sisters with another “The Merry Christmas Polka.” This dollied up jump jive has whizzed all over the Germanic culture. (Bandleader Freddy Martin’ also takes on “Merry Christmas Polka,” but breezes through the biergarten with a dash of Spike Jones liveliness. It’s over-orchestrated, but still fun.)
Sing along with Frankie Yankovic’s “Old Fashioned Christmas Polka” which is what your immigrant grandparents remember they heard back in the old country–but, it really isn’t. (Slightly better are Riders in the Sky leaning on more talent than enthusiasm for their version.)
Tex Ritter seems to be reading a foreign language while reciting the words to “Merry Christmas Polka.” It’s mercifully small box, but a bit horsey.
If you really wanna dance, i’ll recommend Sonny Cash’s “Merry Christmas Polka” and not just because it invites you to have a beer or two, but because of the tuba and working Christ into the lyrics. Dance!
If you’re still not sure what to do then GET YOURSELF A GIRL! So exhort the Bresenski Twins in their “Merry Christmas Polka.” Girls, girls, there’s enough to go around.
It may be time to settle for today: Brave Combo does some mean fusion of cowboy, folk, country, and funk. But here comes “Santa’s Polka” and you’ve got a song to listen to as well as fun word play as well as a dance call to stomp out. Can’t keep your polka face, baby.
The waltz is a Bavarian couples dance wherein those frisky outdoor folk whirl around so closely their faces almost touch (to three-quarter time).
The standard selection is “The Christmas Waltz” by Frank and Andy and Karen and plentyofothers. This is a song your parents’ parents are embarrassed about.
!949 wasn’t embarrassed though. Tenor crooners with angelic girl backups trilling up and down the scales made us want to get all that foreplay in that we could in the way of ballroom slow-dancing (i’ve heard). Enter Buddy Clark (with The Girl Friends), singing “The Merry Christmas Waltz.” Gordon McRae has a more sensual version for getting to second base.
Marie Vernon and the Mellomen find the beat with more big band bounciness in their “Christmas Tree Waltz,” but all i hear (despite a nice jazz trumpet comin’ out of nowhere) is prison exercise music.
The Old West was somewhere near the 16th Century (at least in mouthfeel), so Gene Autry has a “Merry Christmas Waltz” for you. It’s like big band with a hip hop back beat.
Andy gets one more in there with his “Waltz ’round the Christmas Tree.” It starts out pretty, but gets TV over-orchestrated and ends up with shouting.
Who says the oldest dances have to be ancient? Red Foley and Judy Martin make it seem like 1954 with their “Our Christmas Waltz.” It’s a slow somber dance because it’s country style and they’re going to divorce anyways.
Now what we need is an ’80s power ballad. Dobie Gray delivers with “The Christmas Waltz,” a pop step down memory lane for lovers who want to be children again.
I also want sump’m purdy–like rock ‘n’ roll with a French influence and plenty o’ saxophone: The Olympics raise the roof with “Dancing Holiday“–ma cherie ma bell.
The waltz must remain a bit stiff and formal, though. I want to stay reverential, okay maybe even depress you a bit. So, Li’l Wally revs up his oom-pah ensemble for “Sleigh Bells Waltz,” resulting in a mad mess of melancholic minuet-ing. Have fun.
I guess Santa makes a great decoration, he could make some extra scratch hiring out as a nativity scarecrow or something…
Please welcome the joys of The Christmas Jug Band (featuring lead Paul Rogers here) with there DIY instructions what to do with your jolly old elf in “Plant a Santa.” Grow a little merry tonight!
Perhaps in his down time, Master Bo-JingleBells is merely a husband, father, son(?), head of household.
Steve Roper and Mojo Nixon rock out “Santa’s Son & The Reindeer Rockers” as a cautionary tale of young rebellion. They’ll make up, don’t fret.
Jaye D Marie leans into a sultry version of “Willy Claus, Little Son of Santa Claus.” (Molly Bee’s 1952 kid’s novelty number). It’s more country and less adorable here. Still don’t like that brat, though.
George Rock fronts Spike Jones’s band with “Wouldn’t it be Fun to be Santa Claus’s Son?” Here’s the real story on nepotism up north. (Get this kid a copy of the Phaeton myth, stat!)
Working backward, we find the romance of the old couple via Mickey Rooney from the tired old tv special ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’ which is itself an unnecessary sequel to the slightly better ‘Year Without Santa Claus.’ Not much of a song “Santa’s Wedding Day,” but i’ll include it for you old softies.
True love transforms the loving couple of every warm hearth (who celebrates correctly) into “Mr. and Mrs. Claus.” George Jones and Tammy Wynette aren’t the original couple, but they must have a similar twang.
Back up, buddy, “Santa is My Brother.” With this line the Bob Burton Band can stop any other Scandihoovian in the bar, i’m sure. This high energy polka is enough for me, though, these fella are the real deal, doncha know?
The elves may be a faceless bunch, unrepresented and unappreciated, but it is possible to learn their names if we try.
Now some elves are only deputized, asked personally by Mr. St. Nick to help out.
Such is the case with streetwise kids’ cartoon mascot Albert the Alley Cat from Milwaukie’s TV6 back in the ’60s. (He was so cool he got to do weather reports for the local news for a couple decades as well.) In Jack Dublin’s “Santa’s Helper” Albert gleefully plans how he’ll help Santa without cracking a one of his trademark terrible jokes.
Well, there’s that creepy Big Brother “The Elf by the Shelf” who is INSIDE YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW!! The Kids Christmas Party Band attempt to minimize the creep factor with a bouncy little number. But yergh, stop helicoptering.
Off Santa’s sweat shop property–but campus adjacent–is “Elf U.” They learn a valuable trade here, just like they would locked away in any other state-run institution. Sadly, no elocution classes (still sound like chipmunks). Daniel Dennis adds a bit o’ spice here to make it funny, but i really like the chant ‘Elf U! Elf U!’ ’cause it sounds naughty.
Are you reddish? In the pink? Tickled pink? Let’s see what we can do about that.
Krysta Young takes pink to mean baby, i guess. She sings “Pink Christmas” as a paean to spoiled Disney girly girl princesses. Who deserve happiness and love, ‘cuz they’re so pretty. Gag me with a Barbie.
Gay punk band Slink fairs little better with their shallow party trifle “Pink Christmas.” At least the color designation works for the falsetto beefcake interlude. Tres camp, doncha know.
Asian guitar pickers Apink supply the requisite (Dreaming of a) “Pink Christmas.” A nice bit of blue grass influence, but please to skip.
Much more improved on this melody is Kimberly Cooper’s “A Pink Purple Polka Dotted Christmas.” Reminds me of camp! Uhh, the one with ‘smores, this time.
We’re not getting anywhere fast. Let’s wrap up with the clever, raspy Fran Archer and “Santa Got a Pink Slip for Christmas.” This is the excuse parents use, right up there with Spot is going to a farm upstate. But i feel a waltz step coming on.
