We’ve already learned from Seth McFarland’s “Christmas Time is Killing Us” (back in 4/9/2016) that there’s too much to do for the elves. But in that version Santa is the elves’ shop steward and suffers their fate as well.
In Matt Groening’s competition, Futurama, the elves are now Neptunians who have it really tough even with new masters. “The Christmas Elves Song” is an appropriate round of everlasting refrain, but pepped up with merciless inspiration–i guess those menials deserve their lot in life. Think Sinclair’s The Jungle.
It’s all about work ethic for these elves at Christmas!
Songs for Children lays it on thick (‘No time for shirking!’ ‘When you work and sing it’s not a chore!’) in “Santa’s Workshop Song.” Build low, sweet chariots, Santa’s for to carry them to homes….
‘We work all day. To us it’s play.’ So goes Elf Magic’s rocking guitar riffing tantalizing repeated refrain in their “Getting Things Ready for Christmas.” Even the rap battle interlude overlaps WORK! PLAY! until you can’t tell the difference. (Check out the quality control elf—brrr.)
Documenting the chores like it’s a hella labor, The Elf Cottage Elves warn us what it’s really like “At Santa’s Workshop.” But somehow ‘so much to do’ becomes ‘so much fun.’ Freedom is slavery; ignorance is strength.
The Ghost Script singing “We are Elves” also reminds me of 1984 with the dehumanized looks and electronic marching music. Some aphorisms got by me, but i think there’s something about sleep being for the weak. Damn.
1985’s Santa Claus, The Movie flopped partly because some fantasies shouldn’t have big budgets and special effects. The elves scene “Making Toys” is annoyingly frightening, and doesn’t mesh with Henry Mancini’s song. Quite upliftingly symphonic, though.
The eight hundred pound gorilla in the room is Bing Crosby’s soundtrack cut from 1942–the biggest selling most recorded Christmas song of all time. No room for that here (although I like the hard to find Irish jig version with cabaret storytelling popularized by Daniel O’Donnell):
No reggae, punk, a cappella, pornographic, chanukah parody, or gospel interpretations–no. Something else in white, please.
We just visited Australia last month with “Six White Boomers” about freaky kangaroos leading Santa’s sleigh. Here’s a hair-metal rock version from The Fleshtones.
And I might mention Little Joey Farr’s sensational rockabilly sound a la 1961 “Big White Cadillac,” but i think i need a whole automotive section for Xmas tunes coming up soon.
And now for something completely differently white: Lorena & the Raving Reindeers attempt to make you think of Christmas with a hooting saxophone drowning out the lyrics to “(I Need a Prince on a) White Reindeer.” This is an alt rock dance/fantasy number that doesn’t really know what to make of itself.
You want a pretty Christmas song about Whiteness? Try Tim Minchin’s rambling, stream-of-consciousness piano poetry “White Wine in the Sun.” It seems a personal examination of the That time of year with insight and imagery. It’s a show stopper. Bravo.
Feeling down then? As bad off as Gilbert O’Sullivan? No? Here, then: his “I’m Not Dreaming of a White Christmas.” A remedy to tenderness is the dismissal of personal wishes and the futile, monotone hope for the entire world to just not be a dick.
Of course of course of course, i have to include Dick Shawn’s “Snow Miser” number from the Rankin Bass A Year Without Santa Claus. Toe tappin’, finger snappin’, show rappin’–it’s happenin’! Let it happen to you! He’s Mr. WHITE Christmas. Like a character from Reservoir Dogs.
Most famously, Stan Freberg does a crit of crass commercialism with “Green Chri$tma$” (green for money, not trees, you see) and i don’t feel the need to repeat something so well known here.
“Green” can mean pot–marijuana, did you know? Taurean J hyperventilates their rap with “Green Xmas.” BLUE ALERT for those who listen to lyrics.
Also lefty leaning are the Elf Cottage Elves, caroling about global warming dangers and what you should be doing with their “Green Christmas.”
Anthony McKeon goes radical in Sydney with his “Christmas Song.” It seems to be about going green (the red coke sign behind him is made that other color), but it’s all done through a megaphone. I feel him; i can’t hear him.
Hoping for a Christmas hit, Joe Hammel mines new material: “The Aluminum Christmas Tree” wishes it were green. But then it finds out… that Joe Hammel can’t really sing.
Humor break! mc lars babbles about “Gary the Green-Nosed Reindeer,” a half-brother of Rudolph who is forgotten ‘like President Taft.’ Fortunately Gary does not have a sinus problem, only an overwhelming need to live up to his sibling’s rep. He does. World saved. He has a further screed about the rising temps and CO2 levels with “I’m Dreaming of a Green Christmas.” Meh. A cow?
Better humor!? Awesome Xmas parody band The ’60s Invasion takes on the Lemon Pipers’ 1967 ‘Green Tambourine’ with their “Green Christmas Tree.” My brand of hilarity with ornaments.
If you want the rockabilly sound that only means music, bend an ear to the Unkool Hillbillies, Swedes who make you going to sock the hop, and “Green Christmas.” I think they want you to dance dance dance and not be the color blue. Not sure what else.
Also figuratively unspecific is Martin Novales, whose sweet pop “Green Christmas” seems to include trees and mistletoe and avoid the white. Is it rehab, maybe?
Joining the sentiment, calypso in hand, The Great John L. warbles about his “Green Christmas” from the Virgin Islands. No white! Santa got water in his eye!
“Green Christmas” has in fact come to mean a raging lack of traditional features, like snow. Which can result in some Scrooge-like symptoms, or at least the lack of treasuring close, crowded, family-filled places as outlined by Barenaked Ladies in their mall-muzak friendly pop version, and also as delineated by George S. Irving playing the cult favorite Mr. Heat Miser in ‘A Year Without Santa Claus,’ the 1974 Rankin Bass animated TV special (which had a 2008 sequel featuring Heat Miser and Snow Miser [Dick Shawn]). This fabulous Broadway actor (and voice actor: narrator in Underdog cartoons) owned the often imitated song occasionally known as “Green Christmas.”
March is the favorite time of year for grumbling about whether or not the neighbors will ever take down those Xmas lights. And March is a word in holiday-related songs like Nutcrackers and Toy Soldiers. But i got nothing that says the season of March AND Christmas together.
So let’s stretch a bit. Easter comes around March (sometimes) (there’s an equinox and there’s a full moon in there somewhere). Since both holidays involve ol’ JC, let’s see if there’s a song or two mixing them up.
Oh yes–recklessly scrambling children’s sensibilities in order to corner a song niche no one else has attempted, Nooshi the Balloon Dude pastes Easter subject lyrics onto traditional Christmas songs. The worst/most imaginative entries include “Out in the Front Yard” and “We Three Bunnies.” Sounds like someone got a rhythm machine and a prescription to quaaludes for Christmas.
Oh, let’s go one more time… The Mini Lalaloopsy Littles sing “Easter Don’t be Late” to the tune of that Alvin hit, but they don’t seem to love the humor of parody, or the candy-strewn Resurrection.
The inimitable Harvey Fierstein plays it broad as the mercantile Easter Bunny to Elmo and his reindeer friend in an elderly Sesame Street bit “Give Your Friend an Easter Egg for Christmas.” Elementary jazz hands, kids!
Rat’s right, there’s more to rodentia than mouse tidings.
Dr. and Mrs. Strangelove treble through their own “Oh Christmas Rat” which refreshingly involves bats as well.
BearRon gives us a brief “Rat Greetings” which seems to be a detail from a larger mixed-media opera. Promising…
Then there’s the rat for the season: The Rat King from Hoffman’s ‘Nutcracker.’ He gets a couple fun song productions in modern adaptations.
The House Theater of Chicago has a reimagined version of Steppenwolf Theater’s musical ‘Nutcracker.’ Kevin O’Donnell goes all Brechtian with his “Rat King’s Song.”
Some strange European movie company made an even stranger big action movie entitled ‘Nutcracker in 3-D’ in 2010. Tthis starred Elle Fanning and Nathan Lane and made a whole lotta Holocaust fun for Christmas. John Turturro does a brief song as the SS Rat King. Watch for the electrified Great White shark to get better.
Suicides and crime go up near the holidays because we don’t have a choice: we must worship, binge shop, and keep ship shape. Those who can’t keep up are labeled as Scroogey McGrinch Paganites.
The irreverent Seth McFarland reality checks us with one of his usual hilariously orchestrated musical numbers from Family Guy: “Christmas Time is Killing Us.”
Missed you last Sunday. Y’know Easter. It’s all beginning middle and end for us Western Civvers because of JC. But we try not to directly link that little baby in the manger with suffocating and pierced on some dusty hillside. No foolin’ though: he died for you; be grateful.
Not so reverent are our pranking holiday songsters! Deep dark December is a time to reflect on mortality, which gets mixed up with rebirth and then you just gotta put it to music–maybe with a larf. So we’ll spend April on a few passing on bits for you all sugar plummed up–or whatever else you got out of your grassy basket–for our Christmas Every Day of the Year appreciations.
Our classic today is from Parker and Stone on their South Park Christmas album. How do i know it’s a classic? Well here is Dryante Zan, who seems to have learned English from TV, covering his beloved ironical special noel: “Dead Dead Dead.”
Easter may not be an appropriate reference for the high holiday of Xmas. Or is it…. Tell ya what, we’ll deal with death and resurrection next month. Let’s get back to swearing.
Tinkling the piano keys all artisan fancy Lisa Scudiero dives deep into androgynous anger over present-giving posers pouting while she does all the GD work.
Her “Merry Shitty Christmas” is a gentle tune of ulcer-giving complaints. An octave higher and i’d call her a whiny bitch. But she plays it just right as a Unionizing call to arms.
Perhaps we’re going in circles running from where fudge is made to lemonade, but i’m working up to worse and worse… brown is for later. Now for yellow. (And we’ll explore snow in a bit.)
Precocious li’l ol’ Lori Mae Hernandez ‘tubes up her channel with parodies and ukulele stand up. Her Christmas songs are pretty straightforward, but “Yo Ho (A Pirate’s Life for Me) Christmas Song” uses that catchy Disneyed tune to wonder when Santa has time to go (fuller of milk than a 1990s ad campaign). Childishly naughty.
