Tripping Bells: Acid

Is Christmas the hallucination of God? Time to touch the sky and see through the vocals of some singers.

Christmas on LSD” by Chad Johnson wanders, wonders, and dead ends with lite rock. It’s like he tripped into pillows.

Christmas On LSD” by Skip Haynes and Aliotta Haynes Jeremiah is an old fashioned folk rock blend and sounds like a VW bus.

Christmas LSD” by Light Sunny Day plays on Jeff Buckley’s ‘Hallelujah.’ And goes BLUE. These guys are professionally sober.

Fat by the Gallon bring it with garage/punk yelling. “Christmas on L.S.D.” is angry, loud, and unrepentant. Go. Go. Get clean.

Tripping Bells: Coke

Let it snow for Xmas! Our less than zero drug of choice from the yuppie era is your basic blow. A bit spendier than some brands.

Stitches self destructs large withdraw fueled holiday pieces. “All I Wanted as a Kilo” is dirge paced hip hop complaining about all the problems that might go away with the administration of certain powders.

Wasted Irish yodeling leads us to Money’s “A Cocaine Christmas and an Alcoholic’s New Year.” It’s regret for Christmas.

Experimental garage rage rock from NNMaddox with “Cocaine Christmas.” Less apology, more industrial living. Be the machine for the holidays, i double dog dare ya.

About Right for the High Holidays

All those songs about alcoholic drinks remind us that Christmastime is about celebrating full out, red solo cups tipped to the ceiling, regrets solidifying while inhibitions melt. And i wouldn’t spend so much time on the subject if there weren’t so many songs about it. Originally i figured about to offer you a month of half drunk Christmas songs and half stoned Christmas songs, but we can’t stop composing ourselves in re alcoholism. So let’s indulge in a fun bit of slang to denote each entry (alphabetical, natch from about right to zozzled) but we’ll be climbing the stages of toasting to tipsy to totaled to a friend of Bill’s to hungover to rehab, while also slipping in some drunk daddies, Santies, Jesuses, and maybe Rudolph or someone else. Damn son, i need as shower already and i hain’t even started.

One of the easiest targets, songsmiths–i’m talking to you, is parodying ‘I’ll be Home for Christmas.’ And while Harold Swords fulfills the comedy needs of the few with “I’ll be Drunk for Christmas,” we can do better–like smurfswacker’s entry which splashes in a dash of class. Or Hilary who throws her diva range all over her take off (warning: karaoke soundtrack/no picture).

Face it, most of this stuff is going to be low brow hollering fun: Zach Smith plays BLUE ALERT adolescent humor to a pretty folk echo in “I’ll be Drunk This Christmas.” Funny.

Peter and the Test tube Babies also scream “I’m Getting Pissed for Christmas” a la punk. But it’s just one more day of sucking it down.

But Curt Brash poses “I’ll be Drunk for Christmas” with jazzy scat and cool lackadaisicality. It’s barfly Tom Waits, or–you know–Tom Waits.

Then comes the garage gentleness from The Blood Moons, which turns their “I’ll be Drunk for Christmas” into a bar band anthem that sells this sad sentiment. It’s morose and hopeless but you can dance to it.

Drink N.B. Merry: champagne

Fortify your spirit with evanescence! Get bubbly! Tickle me nose mo’!

Chloe and Phil sing a waltz of light country with “Champagne for Christmas.” Light and lovely, not tripsy at all.

The Fleshtones bring the rock around to garage with their “Champagne for Christmas.” They are much more ‘high,’ but still romantic as all get out.

Drink N.B. Merry: scotch

Scotch whiskey is just whiskey from Scotland. There’s more to it than that, but who cares?

Well, millions apparently.

Laphroaig has a clever commercial setting customer raves to traditional Christmas carol music. Almost right up my alley. There’s two of these.

Lord Kitchener doesn’t exactly savor the flavor of the thirty-year-old distillation when he wants you to “Bring de Scotch for Christmas.” It’s partying he wants to enjoy with his parang calypso conniptions.

Saddling the dog and spitting into the mike Mike McKenzie rocks “A Bottle of Scotch and a Pair of Socks (All I Want for Christmas).” If you don’t quite understand him, you get him.

Just as low fi (is it experimental rock when it’s indecipherable?) come I Don’t Know Margo with “Christmas Scotch.” This is oddball enough to hang on your tree and play for your couldn’t-think-what-to-say toast. Skoal.

Sweet Christmas! candy 4

Scary adults flouncing around singing about Christmas candy–probably full of drunkenness–should frighten a child. But it is candy from not so strange authoritarian figures… so let’s go for it.

Stephanie Sayers dreamily reflects on love (not for baby j) by comparing it to a “Candy Fisted Christmas.” Bittersweet, or at least heartbreakingly treacly.

Breatlessly Angela DiCarlo belts out a musical number “Christmas Candy” in a production of ‘Candy & Chaos: Chicken in the Snow.’ Find me a ticket post the hell haste. This is not for children, friends.

Okay, huh? Peoples gots too much free time on their hands… DJ Firth took the karaoke of Wham!s ‘Last Christmas’ and sandwiched 50 Cent’s ‘Candy Shop‘ into euphemistic naughtiness. I don’t know what to tell you.

Tech minimalism from Manel Diaz barely registers as an Xmas song. But, if you insist on listening, “Christmas Candy” will reward you with basal beats and wintery warnings.

Feature the barfing noises in The Hot Buttered Elves’ “Santa’s Candy.” It’s loud, discordant, and instructive. Not the funny kind of lesson, kids.

Merry Mistletoe: party warm up

You need hard driving music to get the mistletoe party started.

Wait wait. Softly to begin. Gotta warm up those kissable lips.

Besureis is all about setting the kiss party mood with “Mistletoe.” Mmmm.

Gentle as an opening oven revealing gingerbread, Kyle Harrington sing-murmurs “Mistletoe Song” so nice. You can trust him.

Ghost the Jukebox will foreplay you up with “Mistletoe.” Rollicking and romantic.

Crashing and clashing, party boy Dino Barbiera (is that a party name or what?) leads you to the mistletoe with good-boy promises in “Meet Me Under the Mistletoe.” You’ll be there.

Now Atomsplit will plant one on you b/c they are the “Master of Mistletoe.” Party pucker up!

Christmas List: item seven (a million gifts)

Christmas list making is all about childish desperation. Let’s find a party anthem and get immature with Simple Plan. ‘I want everything!’ is the first line of an impressive list, so check your inventory, Kringle. Here comes “My Christmas List.”unknown

Santa Jobs: beyondish

If Santa is greater than man, maybe he’s extraterrestrial. He’s at least stratospheric with his sled.

Last Januuary i delved into outer space and already covered Bobby Helms’s “Captain Santa Claus and His Reindeer Space Patrol,” Pattie Marie Jay’s “Space Age Santa Claus,” and The Lennon Sister’s “Outer Space Santa.” Even better was Hot Buttered Elves’ “Alien Santa.”

But let’s also telescopically discover Jaymz Bee and His Royal Jelly Orchestra’s kiddie weird crooning with “Space Age Santa.” It’s retro rockets retro.

Bouncy folk pop blasts off of Youngest Daughter (harmonizing with mom) in her “Space Age Santa Claus.” Girl fun.

Elliptically relevant at best–but most listenable–are The Hollyberries (SURF CHRISTMAS MUSIC) with their “Santa’s Supersonic Rocket Sleigh,” Put the top down and crank this one up!

Or maybe stay in high orbit above Mead Elementary’s experimental glee chanting of their “Space Age Santa.” Ya gotta be a parent to love these kidlings.

Happy Jawbone Family Band marvels with their own brand of band noise what otherworldly powers ET Mr. Xmas might be privy to in “Martian Santa.”

Manger Management: previously… (1)

Before we had our regular Noah’s ark of a petting zoo, other creatures were there…

For examples: prehistoric thunder lizards. What’s Christmas without ’em?

If you’re not sure about the blessings of the Son on animals before He was born, may i introduce “Dino the Dinosaur’s Christmas Tree,” sung by Alan Reed as Fred Flintstone.

Bob Brown uses that ‘Hippopotamus’ formula of begging with a game plan for “Santa Bring Me a Dinosaur.” Perhaps i’m a little disappointed that the singer does not plan Calvin-style mayhem on other playmates with his gift-to-come.

Just as Brit but one-tenth as kid-friendly, The Lovely Eggs is an enchanting chanting garage rock band from Lancaster, UK. All you need to know about how little they suck is to listen to “Tyrannosaurus Rex for Christmas.” You may dig the dino-war chant at the end the very most.