Don We Now: doff

With Christmas over, don’t we need to unclothe?

Well, there’s the “Strip Club Christmas Eve” by Drew Jacobs. But it’s comedy from tragedy, man. Folk rock lite drollery.

But then there’s Keno Project rock R+B-ing “Take Off Your Clothes.” Party on!

Goldie Lookin Chain pop raps a comic set with “I Don’t Want to Wear No Clothes on Christmas Day.” Lots of phrasing for exposed parts.

As Seen on TV: Community

Rick and Morty‘s creator’s earlier brilliant-but-what’s-the-demographic? sitcom was not known for breakout songs, but attention must be paid to these study group misfits during the holidays.

The 2010 stop motion episode ‘Abed’s Uncontollable Christmas’ brings it.

The “Intro Song” is a takeoff of The 88’s series opening music this time with Xmas.

The characters turn into Christmas claymation tropes and have a couple memorable 3-line songs for characterization, including “Brittabot” and “Christmas Douche.”

The meaning of Christmas is put together in the show stopper “That’s What Christmas is For.” John Oliver! Christmas pterodactyl!

The next year is about singing Xmas for Glee club. To win over the surly main character, the Jewish nerd girl sings “Annie’s Christmas Song.” Brother, that’s jazz striptease junk with Betty Boop botheration.

The overlooked housewife gets a big gospel (half) number with “Happy B-Day, Jesus.” Go tell it on the lafftrack.

The actual “Community Glee Club” performance is a sad throwaway about how the hot blonde is tone deaf.

Troy & Abed’s Christmas Rap Battle,” however, convinces the Asperger’s kid and the conflicted cool athlete to celebrate a holiday they would otherwise disdain. Much prettier, or at least much faster.

Comedy gold from those boys finally in order to convince the geriatric in “Baby Boomer Santa,” an addictive song  about the evolution of St. Nick through musical genres. An American Pearl.

As Seen on TV: Starsky and Hutch

No, it’s not David Soul here!

Antonio Fargas was the jive talking informant who added color to the muscle car commercial that was this cop show. His 1980 single “It’s Christmas” is just as Jamaican flamboyant as a closeted drag queen can be. (His parents were Puerto Rican and Trinidadian.)

But “Christmas Eve 1953” is free form word jazz with a dollop of disco. Worth a listen.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Noble Spirit

Let’s not leaf off the religion. We sing about trees because we need to get us closer to God.

Bing Crosby leads the congregation with “O Fir Tree Dark.” It’s a symphonic sermon to put us on the straight and sylvan. Not so much about Christmas, though. Double your Bing, double your troubadoring: “Is Christmas Only a Tree?” searches through the trees for more Xmas meaning. (I’m gonna say Mr. Crosby’s a hater of trees.)

There’s a Christmas Tree in Heaven” may have been a minor hit for The Four Aces, mixing prayer with doowop. It may have originated with Eddy Howard and His Orchestra–they wah-wah out a nice little mixed beat to their big band rhythms. But they both came out the same year. Johnny Collins & The Caravans countrify the rock (with mocking horn–!?) to appeal to the youngset, but this time it’s a real country howler about Mommy and Daddy up there.

When Jane Irene Farley asks us “Let’s Dance Around the Christmas Tree” she is, in a stentorian (and off key) fashion, instructing us in all the Biblical connections. It’s a spelling lesson full of pop timpani, and whiff of Island sauciness.

Shortly and sweetly Al Jarreau sings a rond “By My Christmas Tree” which puts me a spiritual way, more than reminds me directly about only God can make a tree.

Marvelous Marvah asks for a whole Nativity scene and a “Golden Christmas Tree” to help with this holiest of nights. Parang time!

Rollicking disco electric blues from Inquisitor Betrayer claims that “The Christmas Tree Blues” are about the confusion between the secular spruce and the reason for the ball-hanging.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Softwood Claus

Some musical acts shortchange an audience with simplistic imagery, cliche, and mind-numbing repetition.

Some are just bad.

While on the topic of Santa and trees, a few horrible songs stood out and i thought i’d share them with you.

You don’t have to get me anything.

Half baked and over-miked, Glenn Diamond waits by Christmas Tree, “My Christmas Tree” for Santa to bring something… in my memory. It was all a plodding country dream!

Garnet brings the holiday mood down a notch with the somnolent “Santa’s Christmas Tree.” I wanna say the guy has trouble with English, but–it’s just awful.

Also so off key you can’t listen away, Jean Humanic asks “Santa Sit Beneath My Christmas Tree.” No, it’s not even suggestive it’s so off-putting. Machine beat with a pretty good guitar solo.

Katiah is a bit hyper about her “Christmas Tree” (or, rather, ‘Kwismuss Twee’), but she does know, in kidsong fashion, that tree up = Santa come. The condescension to young people makes me wonder what her o-face really looks like.

Breathy, hesitant rapping (w/o beatbox) “Wrapping up Present By The Christmas Tree” by Aquayemi-Claude Garnett Two Thousand Akinsanya astounds and confuses us with her patient routine around the tree.

Scandihoovian G-MAN hoots it up with “Santa Christmas Tree,” the disco quest of a man for a fir. More might be lost in translation, but maybe you’ll get something out of it. I can’t.

Parodies’ Paradise: 2013 “Get Lucky”

This lead single from Daft Punk’s fourth studio album, Random Access Memories was released as a digital download on 19 April 2013… spawned numerous cover versions and parodies… reached the top ten in the music charts of over 32 countries… has sold more than 9.3 million copies, making it one of the best-selling songs of all time… won awards for Record of the Year and Best Pop Duo/Group Performance at the 56th Annual Grammy Awards

Duncan G puts some parodies on line each year, you all could follow his example folks. Then we’d have more than this bit “Stuffin’ Stockings.” Boys just wanna have musical fun.

Here comes Mr. Tim with more production values in “Santa’s up All Night.” Hohoho off!

Parodies’ Paradise: 2010 “California Gurls”

Katy Perry’s summer anthem peaked at number-one on the Billboard Hot 100 for six consecutive weeks… her second US number-one single… also reached number-one in ten other countries, including Australia, Canada, Ireland, New Zealand, and the United Kingdom… received a Grammy nomination for Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals (with Snoop Dogg)… Billboard ranked the song number one on a special The 30 Summer Songs of All Time listing.

The Mistletones go north for their “Santa Claus’s Elves.” Just as much fun, not as much skin showing.

Parodies’ Paradise: 1980 “Another One Bites the Dust”

Queen made this a worldwide hit… charted number one on the US Billboard Hot 100 for three weeks… their second number-one single in the country… fifteen weeks in the Billboard top ten (the longest running top ten song of 1980) and 31 weeks total on the chart (more than any other song in 1980)… reached number two on the Hot Soul Singles chart and the Disco Top 100 chart…  number seven on the UK Singles Chart… credited as Queen’s best-selling single, with sales of over 7 million copies… ranked at number 34 on Billboard’s All-Time Top Songs… won an American Music Award for Favorite Rock Single… garnered a Grammy Award nomination for Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal.

Duncan G and Brian lean into the gee-tar with “One More Gift for Us.” Listen to it, gang. That’s parody!

Gassed for the High Holidays

Including the whole Flo-chart in one song doesn’t overcrowd the lyrics. All you have to do is say: drink, drank, drunk.

The Ryan & Amy Show present Moms over Miami with “Drunk Christmas,” an hilarious dive into desperation and despair. The odd lounge electronica pairs well with the acid flashes during the so-called instrumental.

Drunk Sprungy (with Innuendo) walk us through the bottom rung disappointment of the holidays for dangerously disenfranchised blokes in “A Drunk Sprungy’s Christmas Carol,” only one step on the action list being alcoholic consumption. Rap comes from the oppressed and downtrodden, and white as Drunk Sprungy is, he owns this.

Class act Dave Rudolf parodies ‘Tannenbaum’ with a falling down specificity named Tom. “Tom Got Bombed” is a sordid saga of salaciousness worth singing about.

Bethany & Randy Laskowski party a bit more disco with their “Drunk on Christmas,” walking us through Eve, Day, and on and on. Sounds like they’re egging themselves on.

United We Christmas Tree Stand: the P-word

Baldly stating a Christmas song is patriotic has got an agenda.

Sometimes we’re simply looking for an anthem like with Lady Chioma Nwadike’s “Christmas USA.”

More suspiciously Trade Martin murders “Patriotic Christmas” to divide the rottweillers from the lambs. This soaring country howler checks all the boxes, but makes a dance tune out of grand notions. Bread and circuses, gang.