Category: Childrens

Snow Way: flakes jr.

While we’re hibernating in the Winter still, let’s acknowledge the BIG Christmas song picture: all aspects of This Time of the Year are fair game for caroling. Let it Snow, Baby It’s Cold, Winter Wonderland are all about the need to be close together inside exchanging warmth by our mere presence. (Yea, even unto Jingle Bells which does NOT mention Christmas.)

We here at Novelty Central have proven time and again that you can’t have enough on your Christmas playlist. We’re all inclusive and we cherish all colors, ingredients, and positions.

So let’s talk freezing…

To begin with, the snowflake is a symbol of natural complexity and wonder. (So of course it’s been politicized into a derogatory epithet–not white privilege, as was prevalent until about 10 years ago. Now it means PC and over-protective of liberal uniqueness. Guys, if you need to reappropriate hate terms, it’s all in Shakespeare!) (We’re too retro and loving here to give that any more airplay.)

Kids love this stuff, so i need to spend a day on their innocence and lack of originality in snow songs.

Baby Learning World combos with Kids Learning Tube to teach us elementary science in their “Snowflake Song.” You’ll recognize references from ‘Frozen’ and Middle Earth and sci fi.

Miss Molly has that dull intonation that makes kids want to singalong with her “Snowflakes Falling Song.” Caution: counting. You may get hypnotized.

More wondrous and wootsie-cootsie comes Super Simple Learning with the nursery rhyme “Little Snowflake.” Lots of links to toys you can buy and more songs crowd out the end of this. They also teach forest animals “Each Snowflake is Special,” but the irony of so is everyone else! seems lost here.

Time for the assembly song! Plank Road Publishing pushes “A Million Little Snowflakes” to indoctrinate the wee ones.

Rosemary Clooney made it famous, but our new and improved “Suzy Snowflake” arrives care of the ADHD stylings of Soul Coughing. Still just kid stuff.

Peter Pan Carolers sing in a round with Their “Snowflake Song” from the happening ’70s. It’s melting, man! Peter Wood Singers slow this down for maximum meditation. Sounds like background music for The Brady Bunch.

A gentle rock’n’roll meditation from Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm, “Snowflake” puts us into a ’65 kind of mood. Mmm, that’s good cave-baby groovin’.

Couple guys with guitars The String Beans laugh and play with their “Snowflakes” song.

Tiana has quite an anthem on “Snowflakes” from her Toys and Me album. (Santa’s mentioned.) Uplifting.

Oddly affecting, SpongeBob Square Pants sings “Snowflakes” like a beat poet. Folk rocksie.

Nyanna makes a real dance number for her “Snowflake Waltz.” Keep arms in position, tots!

Most fun (and almost educational) are Trout Fishing in America with “Bob and Bob.” Those snowflakes might all be different, but a couple of ’em might have the same name. Could happen. Picking and grinning fun.

Behold a “Star”: “Scooby Doo”

Joe Ruby and Ken Spears created the Scooby-Doo, Where are You? cartoon series of the 1970s, although they say the Great Dane’s name was chosen by head of CBS Fred Silverman from Sinatra scat. The show lasted two seasons but has been resuscitated more times than a mummy. Countless ‘movies,’ direct-to-video dreck, and guest appearances on other cartoons (not to mention the 2002, ’04 big budget cinema) have cemented this dog as a cultural sticking post (gluttonous, cowardly, lucky).

Scott Innes, a 1990s voice, sings Claude Parish’s “Christmas with the Monsters” as a Christmas card to Shaggy and his big best friend.

Tripping Bells: Glue

As a cheeky break in the wind of drug-oriented Xmas carols, here’s a 1966 novelty from ‘Little’ Georgie Holiday NOT about sniffing glue. In order to trap Santa in the house, we’re getting out the paste pots, and we’re going to “Have a Gluey Christmas.” Tee hee hee. I fooled ya. (No, there aren’t any songs about huffing or sniffing for yule that I’ve taken note of.) (But Peggy King with the Mitch Miller Band also plotted “I’m Gonna Put Some Glue Around the Christmas Tree [So Santa Claus will Stick Around All Year].”Actually–that’s pretty creepy.)

Consume-mas Quantities: din din

Kids eat Christmas dinner at the small table, but they get a couple songs to go with it.

Neurotic Films Oficial has posted a marvy pop song about “The Christmas Dinner for Kids” (without crediting the young wailers) which invites kids to party in their mouths with edible presents.

Disney has a princess album for Christmas with original songs, so let’s try to guess which dwarf is singing which line for Snow White’s “Christmas Eve Dinner.” It’s a course stopper!

Consume-mas Quantities: for the birds

Turkey is the traditional Christmas meal for the English. Songs celebrate the healthy carnivorous choice, and also cry the warnings for the fowl.

Sometimes we just say “Big Dead Bird” for dinner without mentioning the type. Be suspicious of this melodious easy-listening comedy (with accordion) from Lou and Peter Berryman. It may not be the bird you’re thinking of. The whole meal stinks, in point of fact.

Riddim fun from Echo recommending “Run, Turkey, Run” away from Christmas men with their cleavers. Turkey trot might be the appropriate step.

Of course ‘turkey’ means more than bird. Jenny T posts the “Xmas Turkey Song” reminding us losers we are what we eat.

Turkeys at time get revenge on us as with Learn English Kids’ “Turkey Trouble Song.” It’s a bit plodding (teaching reading), but wicked fun for the childrens.

Antsy McClain and the Trailer Park Troubadours make a bit more merry with “Frank the Christmas Turkey,” a pop-alt folk stew of charming, chanting fun. Deadly though.

 

Consume-mas Quantities: buono natale

There will be a time to be named in the days to come when we will visit nations thither and yon and know their Christmas songs.

This is not that time.

But, to honestly discuss foods for yule fuel, mention and attention must be paid to the descendants of Romulus and Remus. No “Italian Christmas Time” can be sung without scraps of food fitting into the chorus. Mike KC authenticates, with a little help from ‘finicula finiculi.’

Granting equal time, the ‘Irish’ applied to “Christmas Time Spaghetti” from Max DeGroot (featuring his imaginary helium voiced bear friend, Tipper) admits to the coopting of international foods, rather than some bizarre post-colonial power struggle. I mean, it IS a kids’ song. And a darling li’l parody of ‘Kilarney.’

Consume-mas Quantities: later tater

We were talking about fries the other day and i shoulda mentioned tuberous growths as a fine winter-time repast, ‘cuz they keep in the root cellar so long.

Nickelodeon’s Game Shakers cable show has a song about the “Reggae Potato Christmas.” It furthers the plot about 12-year-old video game millionaires and their shaky alliance with litigious rappers… or it just sets the black guy on fire. Something like that.

Slightly more authentic is the blues number “Cold Potatoes,” celebrating the best Half Deaf Clatch’s mam could do for the poverty-laden holidays.

Parry Gripp has figured out the formula for the classic novelty Christmas song: one parts odd, two parts odd. “Roy the Christmas Potato” helps Santa (spoiler alert) without being eaten. Bouncy childish fun.

Consume-mas Quantities: eat your feelings

Man waiting for Xmas cannot live on sweets alone. Songs about the other food groups have peppered the media for years. So lets follow the bountiful ball through these comestible carols:

Rosie O’Donnell had her fifteen minutes of talkshow host fame before she became a professional ‘pig.’ She even dropped an album of holiday duets with her willing guests. Here she salivates with Gloria Estefan (and admits to pigging out) with “I’m Gonna Eat for Christmas.” Psst–It’s okay to make fun of your own weight to the world in a pop song, it’s (theoretically) humorous!

[ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU PARODY ALERT! Doug the Pug internet sensation leads the lackluster shopping spree to “All I Want for Christmas is Food.”]

More silly parody from Pete LaMaster singing dad jokes to ‘Beginning to Look’ (with ample Star Wars references) a la “Holiday Eating.” He’s polite and discrete, so okay.

Be careful with your holiday diet: what sounds like more Plank Road Publishing bemoans “Don’t Eat a Poinsettia” for Christmas. Holiday romper rooms everywhere sing this one (we would hope WITHOUT a Mexican accent on the chorus).

Not everyone eats American for the holidays. Trinidad riddim mon Jahzy lets it all hang out with “Eat Muh Belly Full” without specifying too much exotic sauce (there’s wafer). Get up now!

Sunny Cowgirls recount an Australian smorgasbord (edible and in-) with their own wacky child-style pop song “Ate Too Much at Christmas.” Don’t spew!

Sweet Christmas! cookies 3

The Fairy Tale Pops is the 21st century version of sweatshop kids’ music. They crank out albums into dollar bins based on fairy tales Disney made movies out of but don’t own the Grimms’ copyrights to.

I don’t mean to malign their talent, verve, or business acumen (although their fan site has “0 fans” as of this writing). I think this flashy, percussive, bubblegum is just as good for children as Mozart in the womb. It has a formative place in human development.

I say all this because they have a complete album devoted to a particular Christmas cookie: The Gingerbread Man’s Christmas.

Featured tunes include the swinging pop “Gingerbread Man, Gingerbread Man” set to ‘Silent Night,’ a sassy ersatz-rock “The Chase,” and sweet harmony country style “Sweet and Tasty Pastry.”  Set to ‘Up on the Housetop’ “The Great Christmas Eve Cookie Calamity” sets the whole story up, however, with vertiginous rhythms and electronic orchestrations out of science fiction.