Has the spending and crowding and futility of it all got you down, bucko? Time to wail the blues.
Along the Road make the blues pretty with “Christmas Shopping Mall Blues.” Shiny big band finishing, melodic, yeah even a bit whiney. Next.
Fat, Happy and Blue jazz up the blues to the level of gin bar with “Christmas Shopping Blues.” Still flashy, sexy, and stand-uppity. What else?
Raw, ragged, and joyously hopeless, The Christmas Jug Band gallop around “X-Mas Shopping Blues.” Roaring fun. (Still wish i had some Memphis growlin’.)
The tree is beautiful, your significant other is beautiful… what’s a poet to do?
For Brian Velez, “My Christmas Tree” tells him he’s meant for her. Or it is her. With this much coffehouse poetry and slamming folk guitar, it’s hard to know.
The extended metaphor gets excruciating elucidation from Darrin Martin in “You’re 100 Christmas Trees.” Is that Dixieland in the bridge? Is this guy serious? Falsetto?
I think Samuel J Morris is also mistaking his one and only for the fir. “Help My Christmas Tree” he seems to say through not fully fluent English. I’d call Dr. Oliver Sacks (‘cept he’s dead).
David Johnston will come right out and say it: “She Looks Like a Christmas Tree.” Unplugged rock that might give you verse envy.
“I Want to Be Your Christmas Tree” swear Black & Blond Music. I’m not sure what woody benefits you’re hoping for, but your ‘billy blues fascinate.
With you around (and no one else) King Virtue feels “Like a Christmas Tree.” Hot enough to melt snow, anyway. Trippy ’60s style rock heavy on the percussion.
The Whomping Willows also aspire to adortion with “Let Me Be Your Christmas Tree.” Jazzy pop that covers the smell of desperation with musical justification.
Women get equal time! “I’m All Lit up Like a Christmas Tree” wouldn’t pass the Bechdel test, but Janey Clewer and Randy Waldman anticipate her baby comin’ home with boogie woogie jazz that’ll get his attention.
Hip hop from Nroc Leoj swathes his girl in the metaphor “Lights on the Christmas Tree.” She lights up his world, a’ight?
Well the song loves her. Boogie woogie metal from Mad for Action where the story is that the good-for-nothing blond didn’t listen to the haters but acheived “Like a Christmas Tree.” (Sparkly on the outside, dead on the inside?)
Christmas balls dangle from the branches like… reproductive organs?! Someone likes this pun.
Funky Butt Brass Band descend into the mood with the raise-the-roof jazz of “Shiny Christmas Balls.” Don’t make them blue, baby.
Surprisingly upbeat reggae rock features John Mahameed & Nard cutting loose with “Christmas Balls.” Why you gotta?
Damage Control Comedy search for the key with “Your Christmas Balls” double entendre-ing the pun with showtune jazz. Take ’em out… where you wanna put ’em… Kay?
A regular Xmas tradition from the Johnboy & Billy Morning show, Nonge Shipman simply strums the folk ballad “Christmas Balls.” You’ve heard it.
No one else has balls like Ben Light and His Surf Club Boys. His “Christmas Balls” from the party records of the ’30s was the first… and the best (at innuendo).
Candy covers Christmas treats overall. But peppermint gets special attention about now.
Owl City graduates out of Disney pop and approaches alt light with “Peppermint Winter.” It’s fun, then emo, then pop, then rock. Multi-flavored! [But this Adam Young guy has the worst management; this song is included in dozens of cheapie compilations with no credit to the Minnesota electronic wizard.]
Full alt hails from These Are Waves with “Peppermint (The Christmas Song).” It strums through millennial feelings, which can get so complicated this time of year.
College band Ormsby comes to us care of Youtube with “Arsenic & Peppermint.” It’s a good ol’ college try, heavy on the tambourine.
Too many songs piggyback onto the topic with place names that include peppermint. But have to give a moment to Bobby Vinton’s “Peppermint Stick Parade.” It’s jolly and… well musically it’s not much. But it’s jolly.
Also tangential, The Lennon Sisters take a Lawrence Welk break to tell us the tale of “Peppy the Peppermint Bear.” I woulda thought Santa’d’ve more standards than to let an ursine mix the sweets.
The American Song-Poem album really takes it away with the peppermint song possibilities, re: “Christmas Treat, Peppermint” by The Sisterhood.
Outstanding in its own field, Randall Reed with the Forerunners run from reason with “The Peppermint Stick Man.” If ever a Stephen King suggestion flew out of a Christmas song, this would be it. Don’t take my word for it, allow Avoicecrying33 to set up this masterpiece in his own ineffable way (& he takes a minute to get going).
The explosion of Christmas novelty, music availability, counterculture–rock ‘n’ roll all overlap. So, let’s take a few days to celebrate rock and xmas.
Let’s start near the beginning. The first songs to be called rock were just boogie woogie with a harder guitar line. Have you heard The Moods’s “Rockin’ Santa Claus“? Then you know.
Sandy Baron swings jive into rock with “Swingin’ Santa Claus.” It’s authentic, but not memorable.
Slowing the rock roots way down, “Rockin’ Christmas” plays retro like it’s a fun Vegas show with in-crowd references. But Valentine Green has some loungey-big band chops and makes old-timey rock seem cute.
Can you call boogie woogie rock ‘n’ roll and be done with it? Well, plenty do. The Jeff Archer Group cram some Jerry Lee licks into their “Rockin’ Christmas Boogie” but still sound like Friday night at Shari’s.
Can you call it rock when you can’t understand the words? (Well i presume you can’t.) Try The Renovators with “Rockin’ Good Christmas in Hebrew.” You may feel guilty afterward, but you may dance uncontrollably as well.
The Tractors sound boogie woogie still, but increase the insistency of the beat in this orignery stylin’ of “Rockin’ This Christmas.” Dance to the revolution of the evolution.
Boogie Woogie began before the turn of the century with a lot of piano banging and chord changes. It means much more now, but it’s always been a call to dance.
For a taste of the low down dirty original feeling, The Chicago Kingsnakes clang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang on “Boogie Woogie Christmas” from the superior album Holiday Boogie. Feel that repetitive carpal tunnel beat? Yeah, that’s right.
Jazzier, but still rowdy, Jimmy Maddox gets virtuosoistic all over the 88 keys with “Boogie Woogie Christmas Card.” Check out those changes: is he more than one man?!
Brain Setzer (and band) have retro-fitted tunes like “Boogie Woogie Santa Claus,” modernizing the licks, but still, nicely, beholding to the big band smooth-interchange of instruments. Mabel Scott beats the blues off that cat.
Deana Carter does a country version of another “Boogie Woogie Santa Claus” but she vamps the siren intimacy in keeping with big band sexiness. Kind of a waste of talent.
Jimmy Rankin wails out a Canadian country electric “Boogie Woogie Christmas” by the numbers. He’s selling it, but–Canadian boogie woogie, eh?
Strangely, this wild renegade music is so old and institutionalized we have children’s versions. Paul and Teresa Jennings of Music K8 have quieted down some screaming sounds for “Blitzen’s Boogie.” There’s a cool song in there somewhere.
For some (updated) jellyroll-style boogie woogie, bet on The Tractors.”Santa Claus is Coming (in a Boogie Woogie Choo Choo Train)”is the piano you have been looking for. I mean, damn.
Let’s get with the 21st and consider the LGBTQ alternatives! Is Santa stuck in a rut, or is he experimental at all?
Daveo Falaveo updates old heater Eartha with his “Santa Baby.” Seems to work–except the lip-sync (what song is that guy singing?!).
Just as predictably, Parody Dummy regales us with ‘funny’ falsettos and “Santa is Queer” (from Wham’s ‘Last Year’). Skip the first minute of pre-music. Or all of it.
Slightly funnier, but blessedly shorter, Larry the Cable Guy brings forth a 15 second “The First Queer Santy Claus” to the tune of ‘First Noel.’ Hee haw.
Wooden Steel belabors the comedy out of “Santa Turned My Boyfriend Gay.” This is presented as an ‘improv’ song. Un-improv-ed, if you ask me. Despite the tacked on gender empowerment, it stoops to poo poo.
Although Kip Addotta does this (it’s on the Big Dr. Demento Xmas Collection), i prefer Standstill’s “I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus” ’cause it’s raw (appropriately punk) and has a Seinfeld reference. (Yes, i like it even more than RuPaul‘s throaty ur-diva bit.)
Much happier to out the old guy is Uncle’s Institution garage chortling “Santa Claus is Gay.” These polar scholars reel from tolerance to name-calling on some German TV show.
Too many of these songs have been repressed, so let me just add a couple more from my own collection (despite their sad association of gay with pedophilia):
The Go-Go Boys are unabashed queer parodists. Off their album Gay Apparel Xmas Songs from somewhere in the ’90s check out “Chickenhawk is Coming to Town.” Fiendishly clever, with a jazzy piano.
Unintentionally uplifting are The Cherry Poppin’ Daddies from a 1998 KROQ Christmas collection with “Butch the Gay Santa Claus.” It’s a party in your pants.
The Festival of Lights has been around longer than Christmas, hence has more musical versions.
Ted Wulfers’ “The Hanukkah Blues” retells it like it is. The Chosen Peoples know the Blues.
Jazz usually interprets ‘Hanukkah O Hanukkah’ or one of the standards. For that Vince Guaraldi sound, check out the smooth “Hanukkah’s Song” by the Dennis Angel Band.
“A Rock ‘N Roll Hanukkah” comes from the musical ‘That Time of the Year,’ lyrics by Laurence Holzman & Felicia Needleman; performed by Thom Christopher Warren & A.J. Irvin. Meh, some roofs may have been slightly raised. “Hanukkah Rocks” by Gefilte Joe and the Fish slams harder, but is showing signs of age. Check out the novelty vinyl!
Quieter country folk is accomplished by Doni Zasloff singing “Eight.” She’s got some kinda weird pop band with a mission.
But her album Chanukah Fever reads as kid pop.
4fOrDy1 yells out “Chanukah (Rap Remix)” keeping it real. I guess. This may recall the old chetnut “Hanukkah Homeboy” by Doc Mo She. But that’s from back when Dr. Demento had a radio show… on the airwaves… on FM. Still the video is achla.
Rave electronica looks like Matisyahu’s “Happy Hanukkah.” Holy moley.
Ultimately The Seattle Mens’ Chorus put it together for “Boogie Woogie Chanukah.” Here’s a musical journey through the holiday. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll check your watch. Rest assured, it’s shorter than eight nights.
