Category: altrock

One is not just the loneliest number; it’s a pronoun, an article, a weirdly spelled adjective meaning alone. But we’re so tired of the countdown, we will not include EVERY CHRISTMAS SONG EVER that mentions everyone/anyone/no one/a/the/that/this/I/you/etc… No! Let’s dig up some GOOD stuff.

Where else to start but with Dead Sex Puppets and “Santa’s Buried in My Back Yard.” It’s punk! It’s pop! It’s got an alibi!

Which cues up Pup Punk’s deadpan hilarious “Just One Christmas.” See, Mom and Dad WON’T get a divorce like all the other parents, whose kids get two Christmases. It’s so upsetting that BLUE ALERT!

Time for one more pop punk tune about existential dread? Problem Patterns has fun with “Christmas Number One.” No numbers were harmed in the singing of their woes.

Princess Superstar raps a weird mash-up about blond ambition with “I Hope I Sell a Lot of Records at Christmas Time.” There’s one Xmas star.

Sevenbow adds a welcome touch of meta-wink to their metal “One Minute Christmas Song.” Otherwise, it’d be only music.

Which reminds me to re-listen to Bah & The Humbugs’s “One Minute Manger,” ’cause that’s funny, too.

Chatty comedy from Axis of Awesome takes task with ’12 Days’ in their “One Day of Christmas.” No celebrates more than one day of Christmas!

Lauren Mayer (and son) attack Christmas with “Eight is Better Than One.” Hanukkah is more fun! Electronic version of their pop.

Hoping to prolong the one day The Benefit & the Chinese Firekits sing (badly) “(Give Me One More) Christmas Cheer.” Hurray! Stumbling pop.

Mono Puff’s one Christmas wish results in harm in the pleasingly alt-pop “Careless Santa.” Crime doesn’t pay; but Christmas wishes should!

The narrator in “Father Christmas” remembered believing in Santa when he was four. But in the modern days (of the ’70s) that icon gets no respect. The Kinks rock the not-quite-punk.

Skip Ewing tugs the heartstrings and country music guitar strings with the shameless orphan story of “Christmas Carol,” a three or four year old who breaks the heart of a mall Santa with adoptive consequences.

Dave Henninger gets more modern with a folk-infused country in “Merry Christmas to You.” The dear little one addressed is remembered as new born, When you were a little older–I would say around 3 or 4, and even today. Parental wonderment.

Driving through the Midwest, Nanci Griffith prefers “Shaking out the Snow.” Yet, she recalls in pop cum country, the mean prank one Christmas morn’ when I was four. My brother told me it was warm. This resulted in a deep seated pneumo-trauma. Shake it, girl.

Despite having heard some footsteps in the hall outside my door (The same ol’ Christmas trick my dad had played since I was four), the hero of Harry Connick Jr.’s “(It Must’ve Been Ol’) Santa Claus” does look outside… Big band magical shenanigans follow.

Loud Letters travels from the mysticism of being four to today when he’s on auto pilot. Alt-pop details something that’s “Like Christmas” but can never be again. Not like when a child. Bummer.

Lot of weight gets thrown around around Xmas. It’s heavy, man.

BLUE comedy ALERT: Ivor Biggun jazzes up “All I Want For Christmas (Is an Great Big Dong).” No actual weight is given but Not too ostentatious, just fifteen inches long alludes to the mass. Oh, there’s a punchline, too.

The weight of obligation results in a gift of song from We Three, but the electro-pop of “Our Last Christmas Eve” is surly and pissy. It never snows, watching Hallmark, the 15$ tree… blech.

Too much to carry is on the list when “Santa and the Sidewalk Surfer” collide in the 1964 rocking comedy bit from The Crossfires (rereleased when they become The Turtles two years later). Included as wants are: a hundred and fourteen Freddie and the Snowmen surfin’ records, a Fender electric twangy surf guitar, a whole bunch of surfboard decals, And fifteen copies of Miserlou [an Old World folk song repurposed by surf-guitar master Dick Dale].

Shrill pop from Meghan Trainor admits “I Believe in Santa.” Though she makes it about herself: I gain 15 pounds a season (season), Blame Santa, he’s the reason (reason); I bake cookies just to please him–Ho, ho, ho, ’tis the season. Funky, tho.

Some Christmas songs simply list the images of that time of the year. Some do it well. Whispery alt-rock from Burkini Beach includes Ten foot tall fir trees, twelve foot high ceilings, all season sunrooms, open fires, fifteen pound turkeys, a hundred-year-old recipes… They file it under “#Xmas2017.” Yeah, Instagram gold. But, it gets me. Right here.

Well, the great Covid-19 Christmas song collection could fill its own blog. Stir crazy campers without enough to do overdo when it comes to talent. So let’s take a traipse down a short trail of offerings that mention that NINETEEN part (yes, in honor of 2019; but it’s its own thing, that number) for the holidays.

Strange man Rudy Ayoub gets cynically comic when “It is Covid-19 Christmas,” an upbeat browbeater of a pop jingle. Some of us liked being shut ins.

Rapping David King Jones is also gloomy in “The Covid19 Christmas Song.” It’s got me like–novelty music.

Roots of rock from Victor Copetti presents the earnest portrait “It’s a Covid Christmas.” Folk country strummin’; wistful more ‘n funny.

Dad rock brings the family friendly to “Covid Christmas.” Skoobie Snaks leans to lounge, but means well.

Strangely shaped Fathers blend in the punk with “The Christmas I could have Died.” Strangely still okay for kids.

An actual love song, “Christmas in Quarantine or: CO-HO-HOVID-19” slurs the alt lines with Daniel G. Harmann · Jasen Samford crooning from the heart. Baby, it’s Covid outside….

Waiting and missing and pining and moping, Nevershoutnever whines out the emo-boy alt rock of “30 Days,” as in 30 days till Christmas and all I know Is I’m not quite ready to let go of this past year. Not until you call him!

Pleading: “Santa, Get Your Shit Together“ You know there’s 30 other days in December? Farebrother has a make-over figured for poor Santa Claus. ’70s-ish psychedelia. So, C’mon. Big guy, they really want to see you love yourself!

Official Sidekick Production is fighting crime with 30 days… 19 days… 5 days… 4 hours ’til Christmas. “A Christmas Break” may not be coming in this bouncy parody. Save the city or get the wrapping done??!

Despite the big outdoor event the children wanna go home ’cause “30 Foot Spirit“‘s arrived. Whether Into It. Over It. is talking about a yacht, a travel trailer, or a metaphor, i’m down with their alt-rock morose tribute to suburban holidayism.

Two digits and counting! Woo!!

Maybe it’s the journey for _Patrickconnor as he’s still 99 miles from home in “I Know You All Love Christmas.” Driving pop/rock that never quite gets there.

“Doin” is a Daft Punk parody (posted by HydroDalek) of a tech-store Christmas commercial. It’s a mad techno party on consumerism and we’ve seen the sequel before. But now, the DVD player is 99$! Go mad!

From the comedic video game centric variety show Scott the Woz, comes the endearing pop “It’s a Bargain Bin Christmas,” where returned march makes for unwanted presents–but may only cost 99¢!

While on the topic, John Dunbar wows with the folk pop “Christmas Shopping at the 99 Cent Store.” It’s a class struggle time of the year. Don’t judge.

Uh oh. Kash & Rico play the funny rap card with “Santa Likes Them.” This dirty dawg of a Claus may bring 99 presents but a ho ain’t one (sorry–not sorry, Jay Z). He sure likes them for himself.

“99% Christmas” is a call to anger ‘gainst the 1%. Folk screed from Andrew Pfaff. What would Jesus rant?

Whirlwind transforms an angsty indie plea for sanity into The Simpsons‘ Christmas special with “Lovers Turn to Monsters.” It works. 99 to 1 odds (like with Santa’s Little Helper), but it does.

Whiny millennial alt-rock from SayWeCanFly bemoans “Merry Christmas, I Miss You.” They meet-cute at a coffee shop where she baristas him a double shot for $1.27 (is this 1963?), but it don’t add up. So he’s wailing about waiting for you just to call me. Phew, that’s lonely.

It might be said that all the days (there hunnit and sistee-fo o’dem) betwixt one Christmas and the next are the days in which to Be Better. So you can live the spirit all the time. Or so you’ll get stuff. Every. Day.

Is it lazy rap, or just a guy reading out loud? Lil Jiblet asks Why don’t we just have that on a daily basis (meaning niceness) in “Christmas Jiblet.” Na-na-na-na along to find out the answer.

Joe Budden philosophizes: On thanksgiving my family would never visit And even when they did it always seemed so scripted Like they was forced to–Like small talk would resolve the 364 days they ain’t call you. “Happy Holidays” treats all the special days of the year but also raps every day is special if you make it. (N-word ALERT)

I just walk around in a jolly haze all the other 364 days drawl-lisps Cody Johnson about “Christmas All Year Long.” Yee hawlidays.

Why stop at one, hey what for? When we can have 364? snaps Sabrina Carpenter with amped up country pop in “Christmas the Whole Year Round.” Gettin’ grabby, gurl.

Tell me, why do we wait 364 days? Unspoken quips with bouncy alt-pop. “Christmas Everyday” wants the blessing, though. A better intended question, at last. (covered by one by one.)

Now we’re (trying to) getting somewhere! Southbank Crows are Hitchhiking down the 404–It’s Christmas Eve again Trying to get home to see My darling baby. Going home in this American rock anthem is emotional and repetitive. 404 is Georgetown to Wye Mills–crossing Delaware’s flap to get across to the mainland/D.C. Looks like a slog. She must be worth it or they wouldn’t be singing “Another Xmas Song.”

Christmas lights hang over the hollow world of Clementoon. But it’s no-place no-time, just an in-between seeing you and leaving you (at 4:16). All that’s left in this haunting non-genre indie is the “Coat.” It’s all she has left of you. It’s not enough.