Category: BLUE MATERIAL

BLUE ALERT: number one (2)

American original Frank Zappa created his own form of jazz rock fusion after experimenting with form (Mothers of Invention) in the ’60s. By the ’70s he was no longer ahead of his time, but recognized to the point that he became nauseatingly popular (‘Valley Girl’). This is another of those moments, the song “Yellow Snow” from the album Apostrophe. You can dance to it, but out of respect don’t.

BLUE ALERT: number one (1)

Perhaps we’re going in circles running from where fudge is made to lemonade, but i’m working up to worse and worse… brown is for later. Now for yellow. (And we’ll explore snow in a bit.)

Precocious li’l ol’ Lori Mae Hernandez ‘tubes up her channel with parodies and ukulele stand up. Her Christmas songs are pretty straightforward, but “Yo Ho (A Pirate’s Life for Me) Christmas Song” uses that catchy Disneyed tune to wonder when Santa has time to go (fuller of milk than a 1990s ad campaign). Childishly naughty.

BLUE ALERT: flatulence (5)

As we finish arguing over who dealt it, let’s consider the prospect of God himself. Fallible now in human form, he might be prone to “letting a badger loose.”

Andy Dick and the Bitches of the Century discuss with “Colicky Jesus.” (Available on the Kevin and Bean: The Real Slim Santa album.)

41GDVM26A9L

BLUE ALERT: flatulence (3)

Kids love to play. With their toys. With parental limits. With musical instruments. Heaven knows, i was there when Mike And John and Henry and all crashed together stringed instruments, strummed on percussive pieces and wailed Off Key about existential angst.

Here, another young collective (without appropriate supervision) chant their mystical noel “Giant Farting Christmas Tree.” Note the wiccan placement of musical supplicants as if to call forth Bloody Mary herself. Then get your naughty groove on.

BLUE ALERT: flatulence (1)

March is foul weather, foul lines, and foul language. 

So, for as long as we can stand it, follow me (children excluded) to the depths of depravity, the dirty-minded ditties… next stop the Tabu Zone.

FYI: There’s so much peppermint profanity out there we’ll spend the entire month on only bathroom-related  bad words (the big F can have its own month later).

So, starting out slowly, we’ll step on a carpet frog and blame the dog: (you know) flatulence.

Certainly the standard funny here is a collection of well tuned assholes vocalizing the songs. I’ve got one or two of those albums. Ever since 1990 any boob with a Casio keyboard and some knowhow has sampled the noises of bodily functions and played those ‘notes.’ Bored now. (If you’re not, give “Silent Butt Deadly Night” a try. It’s on a Red Peters album as done by Jingle Smells. My Smelly Holidays album has it by Pull My Finger–i worry these lowbrow guys don’t get the copyright protection they need.)

I’d rather delve into the subject matter of blowing, breaking, cracking, doing, dropping, letting loose, shooting, and squeezing during the holidays. So, to open the window, here are The Little Stinkers with “I Farted on Santa’s Lap (Now Christmas is Gonna Stink for Me).” This has gone ’round the block and been covered by self-appointed humorists (for their grandkids!) all over the ‘tube. There’s even a Karaoke set up. Stick with the 2004 original.

The Future: Robots (1)

Santa might be a robot… he’s indefatigable, omnipresent, and instant.

Twelve2five deliver rave tech music. So i wouldn’t worry about the content so much. “Santa Bot” is just an electronic ride. Weee.

“Robot Santa” by Four2one makes even less sense. I guess the whispery raps are naughty so BLUE ALERT. You’re on your own with this one, gang.

The Musers’ girlish chanting “Robot Santa” pushes my limit for modern electronic. Science fiction is starting to suck.

I renew my faith with Bret McKenzie (of the Flying Conchords) in Blazer Faith creating a video (apparently as a Target commercial… i missed this on TV). “Electronic Santa” rocks! or at least discos! It’s toy delivery and a party.

Christmas/New Year’s Day

‘Tis the day to think about taking down the ornaments and calling the Boy Scouts to come get your tree. In other words, Christmas is officially over.

A New Day has begun. A New Year.

Now, much is made of turning over a new leaf on the calendar. Dieting, exercising, quitting, starting, asking… it’s all athreat today. Myself, i’m over it. No self-help from yours truly.

For a quickie on the the whole magilla please refer to “New Years Resolutions Through the Ages.”

And some SING SERIOUSLY about this self-imposed life-changing mind-over-matter. Graham Coulton‘s is a lachrymous retrospective of the breakup he just had. Loser.

Otis Redding and Carla Thomas have the best classic R&B. of course. But it’s a couple’s standoff.

Jen Armstrong‘s is nothing new: good pipes, but the soulful siren song also laments him gone bye.

Camera Obscura‘s is more enticing vocals and emo loneliness. I can dance to this one, though. Talkin’ slooow dance….

Kevin ‘KRIA’ Allvarez‘s is Motown for kiddies with a rap interlude. It’s more hopeful and upbeat, but the electric keyboard gets old fast.

After the Curfew‘s alt-garage offering is navel-gazing future-sensing at first… then all about the breakup. It’s not her, it’s u.

Helen Reddy‘s version is so 1971 and tautological it says nothing about everything (but check out that flute solo).

Oddly, ’tis the time for proselytizing. With some fun stats and a killer clip from ‘V for Vendetta’ peacetv tries to stop your drunken shenanigans with “New Years Resolution Song 2009.” Spell it along with them!

What we’re looking for here in the novelty game is a sense of humor to cover the scent of Baby Time’s saggy diaper. So, try Rhett and Link’s “New Years Resolutions.” They’re no Flying Conchords, but they are filling that modern folk comedy rap vacuum.

Also listing non sequitors, Zoe Anne harmonizes with herself for “New Years Resolutions Fails Song.” Millennial miseries–meh! She’s adorkable, but she’s no Zoey Deschanel.

Another near-comic miss is Quiet Company’s nervous folkie “New Year’s Resolution.” Wait… are they serious?

Angry and nonsenical, Adam the Woo and Beth Vandal shout their way through “New Years Resolutions (The Song).” I’m glad they got it out of their systems.

For more of a serial killer deadpan with comic lyrics, try Nick Bunyan’s “Happy New Year Song.” He’s insulting. It’s funny.

Jack Danyells recounts his wish list with modulo and a helpful bouncing disco ball to follow the lyrics with “New Years Resolution Song.” But then he gets mean about idiot celebrities and loses his charm.

Supricky Quickie delivers a one-minute bit with “The New Year’s Song.” Nice twist, bro.

BLUE ALERT: The ladies know how to ironically change it up to. Vis a vis Coleen Wainwright with “The Boulder.” (Yes, it’s about New Years.)

Classic Comedy Gold would be the Dr. Demento fave: Scary Gary Allen’s “New Years Resolutions.” I’m imagining you’ve heard this, but let’s flash that past one mo’ time.

And, while i’m nostalgic for the past (happens this time of year), let’s go back to the ’40s for Spike Jones and His City Slickers. The cast o’ characters trot out their sfx and rude humor for their own resolutions with “Happy New Year.” heh  heh …with a baseball bat! har!